spotto: (Sooooolo)
 I'm gonna start posting ARC TWO soon, but atm I am very distracted by Pokemons.

I ain't gonna explain why. It's pretty obvious if you've seen my Tumblr hahaha, BUT I WILL do this which my computer didn't save because of WINDOWS 10'S STUPID FORCED AUTO-RESTART FOR UPDATES RARGH

Which top favourite Pokemon of EACH type. I was very surprised by some of these, and others might seem like troll picks, but they are my favourites. I swear.

So let us begin!


So many normal types to choose from, SO MANY. From Furret to Cinccino to Jigglypuff, gotta love 'em all. But my absolute favourite must go to...


I use the shiny version because that's the version I REALLY want. I'd love to get this and just name it Weiss. Now you might be wondering why I want a Zangoose to name Weiss and not like a Glaceon or something, well its perpetual angry look and its slicey-diceyness is pretty much the reason why. And although it's meant to be a mongoose it looks more like this grumpy cat (geddit? :X) that I feel fits Weiss nicely. I also just love its design in general. Too bad competitively it isn't that great, but that's okay! TOXIC ORB (to make it even MORE accurate to Weiss) or FLAME ORB (Weiss gets burned all the time! Geddit...I'll stop now) to raise its attack! [Also a self-inflicted buff makes a lot of sense for Weiss in particular]

Runner-up: Furret

Same as normal, fire type used to be my favourite type and I loved ALL of the Pokemon in this category, but none can beat the nostalgic fave...


Motherfucking ARCANINE, yo! My absolute favourite back in the day, when I first got into Pokemon I really wanted one. UNFORTUNATELY I had Pokemon Blue instead of Red and never got one initially. I eventually had one in later generations but it's just not the same when you don't get your favourite in your first game. Tons of people love this Pokemon, look at that tiger-dog design! What a gorgeous pseudo-legendary this is. This is also my rarest Pokemon card.

Runner-up: Flareon

I actually thought this would be a toughie, but when I looked through the fighting types I found I liked very few of them for whatever reason. So, considering I have too many grass-types on this list, I went with the most obvious choice and the greatest starter this series has seen...


This far-too-large image for the size of the sprite does not do it justice, but contrary to what a CERTAIN SOMEONE THINKS, Chesnaught is fucking adorable. He's got that fuzzy beard, the adorable smile and eyes, and his lanky, awkward build just adds to the appeal! My absolute favourite starter so far, which is surprising considering I used to be a genwunner. I love that it turned white in its final evolution. I really do like the colour white and I'm glad it has some of it all over itself. The paladin description is especially fitting. ALSO, his name, does it not instill TERROR upon your foes? ChesNAUGHT!

Runner-up: Gallade

My god there are an infinite amount of water types, and I love a ton of 'em, but only one can reign supreme overall. I have said this was my favourite Pokemon above all, and that may still be give it up for...


I'm not entirely sure how it came about that I ended up loving Azumarill the most. I mean, it's a blue Pikachu that can swim. Its got giant bunny ears which aren't nearly as cute as its mousey ears, but combined with its competitive force and HUGE POWER, and its dopeyness, something about Azumarill really rings true with me. I have named two of my friends "Sir" for upholding Azumarill's title, and should anyone else do so with equal or higher ability, they too can earn this prestigious honour!

Runner-up: Blastoise

Ha! Flying. Birds. Or maybe not birds? Things that can fly in the air, unless you're Dodrio. Ah what a simple, sometimes underpowered typing. Well, what's my favourite you ask?


Good lord the white-space on this thing. THIS THING KNOWN AS BEST POKEMON, THAT IS! It has intimidate. ARE YOU NOT SCARED? CAN YOU YOU NOT SEE ITS EYES ON ITS HEAD, those tiny beady black dots, with a smile SO WIDE AND HAPPY, it is LAYERED UNDER THE EYES!? What an amazing creature. Truly none is as unique as the masterful Masquerain, who can only possibly be tamed by the most advanced of trainers. One day this thing will receive a mega like it truly deserves and it will reign over every Pokemon region as its KING.

Runner-up: Landorus

Ah, grass used to be my least favourite type way back when I was a genwunner. How times change. I have so many favourite Grass types now, it may be the type with my most preferred Pokemon in it. To think there was a time when I believed these plant-like creatures were lame. What a poor and incorrect opinion it was.


The shiny version which looks slightly better that I ACTUALLY OWN, omg! Whimsicott is here by virtue of some other fairy Pokemon taking its place, and other grass types I like even better in other spots. (It's truly amazing, I know) BUT EVEN STILL this sheep-like Pokemon is an adorable ball of fluff that will annoy everyone to death with its status attacks. Cry salty tears as this cute fluffy ball of wool laughs at you, my friends. It ain't a black sheep to me, but it probably is one to you. I'm sure you'll want lambchops once its through the battle.

Runner-up: Chikorita

Poison too is a typing I wasn't too fond of...and I'm still not fond of. Luckily Pokemon can be duo-typed, and with my excess amount of grass types, well...who do you think is going to be here? P:


I've utterly forgotten how I fell in love with Roserade. I think it has something to do with Twitch Plays Pokemon, particularly in Platinum. Roserade was the longest-living party member I think, and was the Court of the Sun's QUEEN (Or Empress I forget). I also remember playing Platinum and using randomizer. I chose Budew as my starter, and Poison Point saved my ass against my rival's Porygon in the very beginning. Truly a beautiful and magnificent Pokemon, and one who will always be in my heart in both story and gameplay as well as design.

Runner-up: Bulbasaur

Electric may be, perhaps second to grass, my favourite typing. I love so many electric types from Pokemon, and it was almost too difficult to choose the very best, like no one ever was, but I did end up choosing. Who knew it'd be one of the newer ones, eh?


An electric spider. AN ELECTRIC SPIDER. I have a little bit of a love-hate relationship with real spiders. They fascinate me, but I always must force myself to go near them. I usually leave them alone and never kill or squish any, but they still freak me out from time-to-time. Still, taking pictures of them is something of a rare hobby of mine. But Joltik and Galvantula are too adorable to stay away from, plus their excellent speed and wonderful move in STICKY WEB is quite the fight to behold. It was very tough to choose Galvantula over all the others, of which there were many. Luxray is like an electric Arcanine to me, and then there is Electivire, which I absolutely adore. Ampharos my very first Mega Evolution. I CAN'T EVEN CHOOSE A RUNNER-UP HOLY CRAP--oh wait I can, thanks lemon nerd!

Runner-up: Luxray

Like Fighting, I expected to be very conflicted with this choice, then realized I did not like as many ground types as previously believed. Ah well, there was an obvious choice in the end anyway, a love from long ago that continues even to this day...


Cubone was one of my original very favourite Pokemon, yet I never raised a Marowak. Not until SoulSilver did I start raising a Marowak, and even then I'm pretty sure it wasn't in my final team. The biggest reason is that I much prefer Cubone over Marowak, but trying to use an unevolved Pokemon throughout the game is a bit difficult. I could attempt the next new generation that's out, but Cubone will always be one of my first loves. Its tragic backstory (that also makes no thematic sense) ain't too shabby either.

Runner-up: Sandslash

Good lord almighty trying to figure out a favourite Psychic-type was like going through someone else's dumpster. I really don't seem to like a lot of psychic-types, at least to an extent where I can call one my favourite. I mean I love Pokemon like Gardevoir and Espurr, but they just weren't as liked as I thought they'd be to deserve the designation of "favourite". But, if I can go with one particular Pokemon, well, it would probably be...

Mega Slowbro

Here we go with Gen VI's white space again! 8D. Mega Slowbro is hilarious and I need to use it as my main Mega next game. Is it cheating that I chose a mega-evolution? Meh.That is all.

Runner-up: Xatu.

Rock, like Psychic, has little to be desired. We can thank the power of DUO-TYPING for an actual selection, however!


I own the shiny and thus, the shiny picture. I could have used it for steel too, but I have little to go on for rock so might as well fill up this spot. Ah Aggron, so beastly, so powerful, so mighty. I named it after Keine-sensei, whose headbutting powers are unparalleled. The horns and the red-eyes help too, as does the conveniently green shiny sprite, the biggest reason I spent thousands of years hatching eggs for a shiny. At least, that's what I did to get one, anyway. Why else would I have a billion Arons in my boxes?? It's like a samurai bone dino. What's not to love!?

Runner-up: Carbink


Hahahahahahahahaa ice. Fun fact: when I went through the ice-types I did not consider any one of them to be near my top list of favourite Pokemon. And to think I thought ice was a cool type with tons of great Pokemon. I guess it's only the attacks that are decent. Actual ice-types are...well, yeah.


Okay Glaceon isn't even my favourite Eeveelution. It isn't even my second favourite, or even my third. I don't even think it's my fourth. This is how absurd the ice-types are. There aren't that many and I don't like a lot of them, but Glaceon is cute and useful nonetheless. Well, the useful is subjective, considering when I used one it was simply an Ice Beam machine. WHY IS YOUR MOVEPOOL SO SHITTY?!?!?! I do think its shiny form looks better and should I ever use one again, I'd try to get a shiny Eevee, though whether or not that's worth the effort for a Pokemon so shallow...that remains to be seen.

Runner-up: Mamoswine


I always thought I hated most bug-types and that they were weak and pointless, but that is a genwunner opinion, and was actually true in generation one. Bugs were so under-utilized and underpowered back then. Their evolutions came quick and their stats dwindled over-time, but unlike ice I ended up finding many bug types I really liked, so it was a bit tough to choose the best.


While I do like Scizor, I really didn't like how it was not only the complete opposite colour, but looked so drastically different from its unevolved form, Scyther. This thing looks like a preying mantis reptile thing with cool slicey forearms, and then it becomes a lobster. That's rather disappointing. Its mega-evolution form looked even worse, so I guess my original elitist genwunner opinion trumps all in this case, and I wish they buffed Scyther instead of adding an evolution that didn't look anything like its original.

Runner-up: Swadloon

Ah yes the fearsome and ever popular dragon-type, always to be feared and revered. The champion often owns a dragon-type (well okay like two/three of 'em, but you get the point) and well, who doesn't love dragons? Because I love dragons too. WHICH ARE MY FAVOURITE, you ask?


Just like how Yanmega should have been dragon/bug, being a dragonfly, I always wanted this thing to also be dragon/bug. It looks like a bug, does it not? Its big giant buggy eyes and bug-like wings? No? I never understood why it'd be ground/dragon. Don't we already have Garchomp? Okay so Garchomp came after (and inexplicably looks like a shark despite having nothing to do with water) but I dunno. We need to have a bug/dragon type at some point. It really looks like a cool-typing. I also completely forgot why I liked Flygon because I know I never did for the longest time and is here. Ah well!

Runner-up: Goomy

Ah so many wonderful lovely ghost-types. I like quite a lot of them, but just like with fire and bug type, I will have to revert to my initial genwunning stage, of nostalgia and a longing of the past. In fact it's such a longing of the past I'm not even going to use one of the more modern sprites!


Pokemon Yellow Gengar looks sweet, yo. It's such a simple yet effective design, and as much as other ghost-types come close I can never choose any other over it. Plus its shiny mega-evolution looks completely badass. Its power and dominance of the competitive stage is great also. One can never underestimate its speed and special attack. There is no one who hates Gengar. There are only those who love it, and chronic liars. Bow to your tyrant, peasants.

Runner-up: Chandelure

Sometimes dark-type is teh edge, and sometimes it's ghost. As much as I love to harp onto anything that attempts to be cool and looks like they try far too hard at doing so (use the red-black colour scheme one more time and so help me god...) but that doesn't mean it's a bad typing and I cannot have a favourite! In fact, I have many, but none beats...


I could have chosen Bisharp or Absol, or Umbreon or Tyranitar or Houndour or Sableye or Scrafty or Pangoro or Cacturne or Crawdaunt. I could've, but we're going with the three-headed dark dragon. Y'know why? This is my competitive MVP. A lot of people underestimate it for whatever reason, when its ridiculous movepool and amazing special attack just ruins everything. It's so versatile, and it's so EDMENDDUKE, that there is no way I could choose any other dark-type over it. I'm sure writing out this blurb ruins most of my strategy in playing competitive (which is CHOOSE HYDREIGON OR TERRAKION and hope for the best) but y' It needs its spotlight despite the spoilers. P:

Runner-up: Inkay


Steel is a badass typing. I daresay the most badass of them all. Yes, even above dragon and dark and fire. I mean, STEEL. None can break you! STEEL. Just saying steel sounds so satisfying. STEEL. Steel yo. Donut Steel. The steeliest of them all. What is sleek, what is shiny, what cannot be harmed? What is the immovable object to the unstoppable force? Well...


It was actually quite tough to choose not because I liked many steel types, but liked few. There were some that looked very cool and were used in many-a-competitive battle, but I went with Cobalion in the end. It looks so regal and fierce. I always loved its proud design. It's definitely my favourite of its legendary trio. I do not know what else to say.

Runner-up: Klinklang

And finally the newest type of all! I like many fairy-types as you could have already told from the various fairy-types shared with others that show up on this list, but man are they ridiculously powerful. These cute little pink creatures utterly annihilating the behemoth that was the dragon-type. You'd think it might be something like steel instead, symbolizing the knight gone off to slay a dragon, but nope, little pixie dust things. Fear the fairies, for they will not fear you. 


Fear the fairy. Ah yes, one of my most nostalgic Pokemon of all. I used to identify myself as a Super Saiyan Jigglypuff. It was also my Smash main, and I just for whatever reason really liked this pink balloon thing. I think nowadays the feeling is waning, but I gave nostalgia one last pick, seeing as it was such a large part of me when I grew up. I really loved the Anime Jigglypuff that sang people to sleep and then drew on everyone with its marker. Of any previous character I wish to return, Jigglypuff is the one I want to see the most.

Runner-up: Dedenne


And that is all! I can count up the total of each type, considering there are many duo-types to perhaps determine my favourite, though this would be a rather flawed way of doing so. The most common types were grass, bug, and fairy, which I found rather surprising since I consider electric and dark to be my favourite types. (I only threw in dark because when I listed all those dark types up there I realized I liked TONS of dark types, huh) As for which generation is the most popular, well...generation one and surprisingly generation three (the one I hated the most as a genwunner) each have five pokemon, with generation five coming second having three pokemon. Generation two is last with only one, Azumarill. As much as I loved generation two it is becoming clearer and clearer that my least favourite Pokemon may very well have come from that generation, which is quite interesting actually. It's funny how opinion changes over-time.

And that is all. This was just a Pokemon study, pretty much. P: 
spotto: (Sooooolo)
Well, arc.

This story is LONG from over. Got at least 120K words more than his, and hopefully beyond that. I'm still in the midst of finishing up arc two myself, but once that's done I'll probably start posting it too. Since this is the end of an arc I'll have some post-fic notes down below.

Also this is stupidly long, so I hope Dreamwidth actually lets me post this. ._.

Great googly moogly )


Feb. 8th, 2016 12:59 am
spotto: (flutts)
I'm so full.
And bleh. 
How about that latest RWBY episode eh? Egads.

I hope all one of you enjoyed chapter eight!
Here we go!

straight to the point yo )
spotto: (Q_Q)
Eight is a very lucky number in a certain culture.

Not quite for this particular character unfortunately. I consider this chapter the chapter OF NO RETURN or "EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT X BUT WERE TOO AFRAID TO ASK" or "hello darkness my old friend" or "shit happens"

basically, from this point on we be going into overdrive!

fun fact, I did not plan a majority of this chapter yet it ends up influencing basically the rest of the story (that's right, story, not just the arc) so yeah... also this is a VERY LONG chapter, as will 9 and especially 10
10 is the last chapter of this arc, so yeah. I will not be posting arc 2 until I finish arc 2, whenever that may be. I am currently on chapter nineteen though, so it might not be too long. (Arc 2 will be more than ten chapters unlike 1 tho, so there's that)



Jan. 20th, 2016 09:56 pm
spotto: (flutts)
is mutton really the only word that rhymes with button? surely there is something else

well here's chapter seven

flutton )


Jan. 10th, 2016 07:37 pm
spotto: (Stage One.)
this is chapter 6 of my story

the goat, the sheep, and the lamster

i hope you like it
chapter 6 )


Dec. 31st, 2015 06:04 pm
spotto: (@_@)
Wow I really need to stop ending chapters with a character falling asleep. It's so cliché.


EXTRA SPOILERS DON'T LOOK: the chapter after this one DOESN'T end with a character falling asleep.

actual spoilers: I do not know how drugs work. If you do, please kindly share how wrong this chapter is.

the last spoiler I swear: Congrats! After this chapter you are halfway through the first arc! Technically. (I mean, every chapter after this is going to be longer and longer so probably not)

in which ALL of the things happen )


Dec. 26th, 2015 04:53 pm
spotto: (arisu margtrod)
After much consideration I've decided to nickname this story "Lambchop."
The obsession with woolly hooved animals + their meat has an explanation I swear. (A DUMB explanation, but an explanation nonetheless)

The Goat, the Sheep, and the Lamster 

spotto: (koi)
The Goat, the Sheep, and the Lamster
also known as TGtSatL
what a horrible acronym
...also known as the Lamster story
chap 3
spotto: (hong kong *STAAAAAARE*)

look it's chapter two

The Goat, the Sheep, and the Lamster

doom )
spotto: (Q_Q)
remember that story i keep mentioning to everyone and have been for like a year and was like 'yay i wrote 100K words!' but showed no one!?


Also several months ago I linked it to one person but as far as I know they've never read it, probably because I sent all 181 pages of the first arc to them at once. Perhaps that was too overwhelming.

SO, BECAUSE I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE, here's chapter one of the cheesiest title ever (but I still spent weeks figuring it out)

The Goat, the Sheep, and the Lamster.
 please cut this story properly ffs )
I swear to god this is very different from my Negima story which was also in a similar setting.

spotto: (koi)
 I remember many years ago I had said something very foolish.

"I don't ship in MLP."


It changed quite quickly actually. My OTP became PinkieShy. And then I said:

"I only ship PinkieShy."


In fact, between that time and now I had actually tested a few ships to see if I'd like them, like forcing myself to read TwiDash and RariJack fics and hoping I'd like them. I liked the person's writing and the concept and all that jazz, but never really found myself growing to like the pair itself. I thought I would only really ever care for PinkieShy which was A-OK. Then...the harem emerged.

Harem, you say? Well, these are the MLP ships I have now...

"PinkieShy (OTP), TwiJack, RariDash, Rarilight, RariPie, Rarijack (sorta), Sunlight (so long as it's FG!Twilight), LyraBon."

Look at them Rarity ships. About the only pony I don't ship her with is Fluttershy. 

I also said this quote that too is very untrue now.

"I am not a RWBY shipper."

And lo and behold, my opinion is as follows...

"CHECKMATING, MOFOS!!! FREEZERBURN (which should really be called Wang Schlong because I am a mature and sophisticated adult) WHITE ROSE! WEISS WITH EVERYONE EXCEPT MALES!!! BICYCLE BICYCLE BICYCLE!! LADYBUG IS COOL TOO!!!"

Heck, there was also a time in my days as an early Touhou fan where I only liked some characters and cared not for any romantic subtext! Why, it's a bullet hell shooter! The dialogue is barely there and what there is of has no hints to any romance whatsoever!

And now I have these ships:

"KENEMOKO!! YEAH!! HijiriMiko is the best hate!ship and anyone who says otherwise is WRONG. AyaSanae, my official rarepair love."

So yes, no matter how low of an opinion you have of these obnoxious people who put fictional characters together, I AM ONE OF THEM. It is a sad reality that goes way back to when I was but a mere teenager. And also there will never be het. Het is for silly mainstream people with no creativity. And also also, they shall all be girls. Girls will reign over all. What do you mean I'm currently in love with the incredibly manly and beautifully bara (that does not imply I ship him with other manly people. No one else in RWBY is MAN enough to be worth Sage) Sage? I do not ship him with anyone. His love is his very boring sword that doesn't transform into anything. 

Speaking of MEN. Everyone in RWBY is unmanly with the sole exception of Sage. There's the boys and the old guys, but none of them are manly. They desperately try to force down our throats that this character named Qrow is supposedly manly, but for me they have failed spectacularly. He has this voice that is trying too hard to be manly by having Qrow speak in this way 100% of the time like he does it on purpose as if he were Christopher Nolan's Batman. It makes him sound far more lame than natural. He also has a stubble which is also trying too hard to be manly because you see, this stubble is not consistent. If he were to have a stubble, he should also have manly chest hair to match. But for whatever reason Qrow has chosen to either shave his chest hair or not show it whatsoever, nullifying what manliness he could've contained. He's also constantly drunk and manipulative, while upholding his ego among his juniors who are practically children. He is also outwardly perverted around these same children who happen to be female. That is not manly at all. It is truly a disappointment in the MAN department.

Sage meanwhile has no stubble and no chest hair, but still manages to be manly. He is a man of few words, which adds to his air of manliness. Unfortunately his team is not very manly. Scarlet comes close, but sadly he is a boy to be laughed at as if he were man being hit by football. Sun is almost manly, but he is far too goofy and talkative to be manly. I give him manly points for being very respectful of Blake when she was having problems during volume two and had no time to attend a silly dance with him, and so he is the closest to the paragon of manliness that is Sage. Neptune is the opposite of manliness. He is very vocal about his love of females and is a jokeworthy character beyond that of Scarlet. Port, who is too much of a funny geezer old man to be manly, has mentioned that team SSSN is a manly team, but he must only be referring to Sage alone, which makes sense as Sage alone can mistaken people to believe the rest of his team is also manly.

Despite Sage's supreme manhood, he is not the manliest character. That honour goes to Yang and Yang alone. Neo rivals her.

As for the old men, several of them are far too cryptic to be manly, including Ozpin and Cinder. Ren is quite manly, but he has not reinforced his manliness very often, having a low presence though I believe he prefers to be subtle. Nora is very manly, and would win the man awards if not for Yang and Neo.

......oh, where was I?


I like shipping. I will readily admit that. What the fuck am I typing here anyway. This is why I should not down Monster energy drinks. I think my other point here is to point out what a shipping hipster I am. Not that I ship popular things before they become popular, but rather I always ship the alternate ships. NEVER THE MAIN SHIPS. DOWN WITH MAINSTREAM!!! Bumblebee? Nope. Rainbow Dash with anypony other than Rarity? Never. A ship with the main characters of Touhou? WHAT ARE THOSE!? I spit into the majority's tastes! HA!

I also grow melancholy about my rare!pair ships, mostly PinkieShy and AyaSanae but especially PinkieShy. Once upon a time Pinkie respected Fluttershy for the sensitive timid pony she was, and next thing I knew they were tearing down each other's feelings and bringing each other to tears. When canon changes so subtly from Fluttershy glomping Pinkie over to being the most opposite and incompatible of friends, my hopes fade. One day pony will air a PinkieShy episode and I will rejoice. Of course, this may be a hopeless cause, just like that one time when Negima was supposed to have a Sayo backstory chapter due to the inevitable Negi pactio and then ending before that could ever have the opportunity to arise. It was even foreshadowed! Much salt was spilled.

 Let's ask a question! I say as I continue this incredibly disjointed blog post! Do I have a typing and if so why is it not inherently obvious like "the happy one" or the "misunderstood" one?

You see, my current fandoms are pony and RWBY and my favourite characters are stark opposites. There is Pinkie, the perpetually happy glee-bringer of Equestria. Then there is Weiss, hated by many for starting off as unpleasant and bossy. Well the answer is quite simple you see. When I first decided to watch MLP, which is already a difficult obstacle to overcome because if you know me I avoid starting off TV shows and cartoons as if they are the plague, it was because it was a time of sadness. Being a long-time fan of hockey and putting so much passion and hope into my Canucks winning their very first championship in their forty-year history, having all that crash and crumble all because of a single lost game that had it been won, would've led to the ultimate goal, truly destroyed me. I avoided all sports media for months and needed a pick-me up. Ponies were there. They were everywhere actually, in the year of 2011. I knew it was at the very least, a happy series. And so in that show I looked for anything to make me laugh, to cheer me up. There a character existed whose whole purpose was to raise your dimples and make your day. Her name is Pinkie Pie. She was exactly what I needed at the time and thus, will forever be my favourite for truly making me smile.

Meanwhile I first saw RWBY as trailers made by an awesome dude who animated this other series called Dead Fantasy. My expectations were only of "cool awesome action to entertain myself with" and then a trailer that colour-coded itself as White came along and blew away all my expectations. These lyrics imply a STORY, with this CHARACTER who is lonely, sad, lost, and aimless. She wears beautiful white, which contrasts so wonderfully with red like the shades of blood. Her fighting style was so elegant and deadly, and yet when I peered into her eyes I only saw an individual who might have been emotionally fragile. One who seeked kindness and happiness that a childhood should bring, which it felt she never had. Then she said her first lines in the show as she was the only one of the four to never say a word in any of the trailers, and I realized she wasn't merely just a poor little princess who needed friends...she was a poor little princess who needed friends with a HUGE AMOUNT OF PRIDE and a wall that blocked all that may make her feel vulnerable. She wasn't just a pretty little sympathy trophy...she was a CHARACTER.

I love these two characters for completely different reasons and that's great! 8D

Then there's Touhou, but that's filled with so much headcanon that I really have no clue how to explain why I like any character. For instance, Keine. To most Keine just serves the role as a teacher character, kind of like the many teachers in Beacon or Cheerilee, the teacher of the CMC. But yet, I saw unlocked potential in what backstory she could possibly have, as it wasn't explored very much, yet there was so much to explore. She was at the time the only hybrid human/youkai character in the game, in which her youkai form had an identity. (Meanwhile Rinnosuke, being also a half-human was only a "generic" youkai so speculation was lost) Her ability was also one of wonder. How broken could it possibly be? She can alter history itself? She can erase history? What does that MEAN? Why is this so vague, like with every other aspect of Touhou's lore!? And finally, she is Mokou's only friend. She even came to defend Mokou from the protagonists despite Mokou being eternal and immortal, thus never being in danger whatsoever. Yet Keine cared enough to make sure she didn't get hurt. That's just ripe shipping potential. Plus in a world filled with amoral orange and blue morality jerkasses, Keine's kind of a breath of fresh air. Even if in canon she's an incredibly dull teacher. P:

Miko is just a glorious arrogant ham with the best cape and hairstyle ever. The only real saint to me. ;) I think of her as a less angry and more accomplished Vegeta. (Byakuren is Goku. I will never let that crossover go. [fyi Shou is Gohan, Nazrin is Piccolo and Futo is Nappa. 8DDDDD) The Buddhists and Taoists are just the Gensokyo version of DBZ to me hahahaha.

i'm gonna abruptly end this rant because i had no clue what was i doing starting it anyway so.... bye


Oct. 25th, 2015 11:02 pm
spotto: (Sooooolo)
 Ya know what I hate? What I really really really hate? Something I'm about to rant about through all my unbridled rage?

Whenever cute cuddly little animals are featured on some mass social media site like say Reddit for instance (but they are by far not the only offenders and obviously it's not every single user ever that has this same opinion) people tend to react first foremost to how cute and cuddly they are, and then depending on how educated they are about the animal, comment on the animal's demeanour and how good they are as a pet.

Oh wait no they don't.

They squee at the cuteness and then destroy the reputation of said animal via their own misguided experience. Oh that's right. I'm talking about hamsters, folks. Every single goddamn time a hamster rises up to the front page, there's someone proclaiming that they are nasty, vicious, sociopathic animals that bite all the time, eat their young, and are basically the spawn of satan. They are horrid animals not to be trifled with. Then many others agree and the cycle continues. People begin associating an animal with certain flaws and despite how little they deserve such treatment, they are now infamous for whatever it is they do.

Let me start by saying nature is by default, vicious. It does not give one little fuck about whether or not something an animal does is cute or friendly. Animals need to survive and they have all found their own little ways of surviving. A lot of the time the result isn't pretty. For hamsters, it's when they judge the chances of their young surviving the next few days. How much food have they stored? Is the weather decent? Are predators constantly about? If this risk is far too high, they cull the weakest of their lot. The sustenance they obtain from the weakest make them stronger and give them a better chance of raising the survivors. The littlest ones too brittle to withstand the next storm are spared from drowning. That's just how life is for the little critters.

So now they are pets. They haven't been pets for many generations. The Syrians, the largest kinds, have been the longest but not even for a full century have these hamsters been tamed. The dwarf kinds are even more recent than that. They will still retain a lot of their instincts from the wild, including the culling of their young. Humans are foreign, strange beasts to them with an unknown, threatening scent. If they had even the slightest hint of those humans on their young, they would cull them in an instant. There was no way they could survive what attack those large hairless giants had. Or perhaps they are okay with their human owner. They've been handled for a while and trust the food the human provides them from their fingers, but maybe that food isn't enough. They know they themselves will give birth to the young soon, but the proportion of their food has been the same as always. The human is often inexperienced and has no way of telling if their little critter might have babies, especially if they've misidentified the hamster's gender or the pet store did. Suddenly the little pups are here, but with what food they are able to consume, it isn't enough to keep all of their little young alive. They don't realize the human would probably up their food content, so they cull the babies or at least some of them.

Or maybe they DO have enough food, but they live in a tiny, tiny environment. The exercise machine touches the walls and takes up most of their flat, and they cannot possibly see how they could share this small bachelor pad with five or six more rugrats running around. They do not know what the world is like outside this small room, so they cannot possibly realize the strange human may relocate the babies when they are old enough and thus, they cull. Whatever reason a hamster has to eat their young, it is always an instinctual reason. They were not given such survival methods because Satan or God thought it was humorous to see the humans gawk in horror at their cute little pet committing the grave sin of cannibalism. They were given such methods because that was the only way to ensure the safety of their strongest young, who may end up growing up to mate with the next generation and pass their mighty genes along.

As for the biting, well what the hell would you do if a massive thing stretched out their colossal claw above your head? A smart person would take such a dangerous movement to be life-threatening at first. There was no way to tell this massive thing was friendly, and if you guess wrong you'd be flat as a pancake with no second chance at changing your mind. Obviously a little frightened hamster would squeak, hiss, run, hide, and especially bite as a means of defence. Hamsters are prey. Their ancestors had their lives cut short endlessly due to so many factors that it only makes sense these reflexes and reactions originate deep in their DNA.

And no, I would not say hamsters are the most rewarding pet to own. They are not dogs that will run to your doorstep, eager to greet you inside. They are not cats who act as lazy, independent pompous creatures that remind their owner so much of themselves. They aren't even rats, who each have their own unique friendly personality and are dependent on a second rat companion for the full richness of their lives. But they are hamsters. They're cute, cuddly, and they're not difficult to tame. I cannot stress that enough. Of my thirteen hamsters I've owned, only three were not tamed. One was a dwarf hamster who sadly lived the shortest of the bunch and the other two were roborovski hamsters that I mostly viewed as opposed to held, as most robos tend to be kept. (One day I'll handle a robo hamster consistently...) The other ten were tamed. Most of them were fine being held the moment I got them because of how young they were, but the best story I have is of my current hamster, Esper.

Esper was a biter when I got him at first. He didn't look very young in the tank when I saw him. He wasn't a juvenile, but he also wasn't fully grown as he grew larger under my care after a few months. So it's safe to say Esper had been in that pet store for a while. I had asked the store lady if I could handle the hamsters, but she gave an excuse that they sleep in the afternoon and so it'd be better to come in the morning. While that is mostly true, the fact that a pet store clerk would not let you handle a pet to see what their temperament is like is a bad sign. It usually means the hamsters aren't handled regularly and aren't tamed, so they may bite. And well, if a potential customer is bitten they can't sell their hamsters, now can they?

Regardless of that red flag, I brought home Esper anyway. I decided to let him get to know me right away by letting him into my hand and then right after putting him in his cage. He bit. I left him alone in the cage for a week or so before I began the taming process. This process is one often recommended and there are numerous guides, whether written guides, video guides or the like, but there are many on the internet. There's stuff like spending time with the hamster in the same enclosed playpen, usually a bathtub. The best tip I used was wearing gloves. The hamster could bite all they want and realize it does absolutely nothing unless they like tasting leather constantly, which cannot be pleasant. I eventually was able to handle Esper with my bare hands after a couple of weeks, but he wasn't fully tame. For one thing, he confused a tendon in my wrist as something to chew at first, and that bled pretty profusely. A few days later he was eating a wet mealworm off my hand, and assumed the juices left on my palm were more of the mealworm, and nibbled on that.... yet more blood. But after putting on a band-aid and continually handling him for thirty-minutes each and every day, he finally associated my hand and my body as me, and never bit ever again. Even if my hand smelled like food, he knew it was me and never bit. Even if I enclosed him in both hands like a trap or whatever, he was never afraid. He didn't try to claw his way out. He knew it was me. He became incredibly familiar with me. I cannot tell you how wonderful it feels to bond with a hamster properly. Though it takes work, it feels so much better than just being able to hold a hamster right away. 

I earned Esper's trust. He trusts me. I trust him. It has gotten to the point that Esper would relax on my hands, or sit quietly on the couch with me without running all over the place or whatever because he knows I'm there and that he's safe. He is eager to see me, like a dog, whenever I walk by the cage. It's probably because I might give him food, but sometimes it's because he wants to come out. He actually wants to spend time with me. He even licks me as he grooms sometimes. I partially think because he doesn't care since he's also grooming himself that his tongue might land on my hand, but then he just licks my hand without bothering to clean himself sometimes. The level of closeness I feel with Esper is awesome. I've never had such a level like this before. My other tamed hamsters could be handled, but they would never relax in my arms or lick me affectionately. I also never attempt to handle Esper when he's actually in the cage, so I respect the territory he has and that is probably another reason he is so relaxed and friendly towards me.

It's truly a special relationship. That's what having a hamster is like. I've never had a dog or a cat before and I'd love to have them, but for what I have right now, it feels pretty sweet. People who blame their pets for their pets' problems are not the type of people who can understand these animals and probably do not deserve to own them in the first place. For whatever reason it gets increasingly more difficult to understand this the lower the intelligence level you go for hamsters. I will be the first to say hamsters are pretty dumb, but they're not like goldfish you can only admire from afar. They can be held. They can be pet. They can be cuddled. And I know for sure, if you've earned their trust, they like you too. Such a thing with an animal that hasn't been bred to act a certain way for hundreds of thousands of years is pretty special indeed.
spotto: (@_@)
The second half of pony season five has been going on full swing! I have surprisingly generally liked it. The most recent episode has been the type of episode I'd been eagerly anticipating for quite a while now, Pinkie's FAMILY! Not just her sister who came out of nowhere Maud, but her entire immediate family. Unfortunately I cannot say this was one of my favourites of the second half of the season despite the content of the episode being something I found interesting due to some weird and stilted writing or character-decisions here and there. My favourite Pinkie-based episode is still "The One Where Pinkie Knows" which was the last episode and that had a fairly light premise that'd be hard to stretch into twenty-two minutes, yet they managed it with the excellent comedy. Though I can safely say it comes in second, though not by too much. Including Pinkie's map episode with Rainbow, this is Pinkie's fourth episode this season, though again you can say she shares it with AJ like her map is shared with Rainbow, but that's still more than RD herself, Rarity, AJ, and especially Twilight (one episode so far) and Fluttershy (zero!). Though thanks to the goddamn leak I know next episode is a Fluttershy one. (Is the Discord episode considered a Fluttershy episode? Since we only have six episodes left and the finale is always a two-parter it probably is.)

Anyway, I digress because I do want to discuss Pinkie's family. Waaay back in season one when I first watched Cutie Mark Chronicles by far the most unexpected Cutie Mark story was Pinkie's because her origin not only came out of nowhere but has seemingly no real influence on Pinkie herself. When you look at this super hyper pink rocket of happiness you don't immediately think of the word "Amish." We don't really get another glimpse at Pinkie's family until Maud's sudden appearance in season four, and she seems to have carried on the Pie family tradiiton of being very involved with the topic of rocks, a tradition only Pinkie has broken. A few people were disappointed by that episode because they were expecting the introduction of Pinkie's sisters who had appeared during Cutie Mark Chronicles instead of a whole other sister, but then Maud turned out to be a fan-favourite and we get an episode about whole family a season later! It's win-win!

As for this episode, was apparently written by the writer who did Party Pooped which was not an episode I was especially fond of. Like I've mentioned before even though Pinkie is my favourite pony she's also very hit-or-miss for me. When she hits, she hits hard and I declare her best pony of all the land, but when she doesn't everything falls flat. You see when I was younger I was very much involved in that whole cringeworthy internet phase where I would say the word cheese or spoon or whatever and find random humour hilarious. I despised that phase. Whenever Pinkie falls anywhere close to that type of so-called "humour" I simply gawk like a shocked bystander instead of enjoying the episode like one is meant to. This is why after I finish an episode I always pay attention to whoever wrote it afterwards if it's a Pinkie episode. Just to see if they happen to write Pinkie again if she'd be the same flavour from before. Certain writers get Pinkie down pat and those are the ones I wish Hasbro would employ for however long the series lasts. It's a gamble usually because writers who have favourite characters they like to write tend to get the episode with that character and sometimes that's not a good thing, personally, if I don't like their Pinkie brand of humour.

But to each their own as Twilight said this episode. Pinkie wasn't too bad anyway, not at her worst. But whenever she isn't at her best it's always a disappointment to me. The episode involved a lot of callbacks and while continuity is good, basing your comedy on callbacks is always a risk to take. If it's the exact same joke as before it's not really that entertaining as we've seen it before, but if it's your own original take on something that happened before, it's downright hilarious. Unfortunately too much of the former happened instead of the latter. Pinkie's multiple limbs on-screen happened again for instance, but aside from adding more limbs there wasn't much of  a twist or change to the gag, it was simply repeated straight. Applejack was bewildered unlike last time when no one reacted but her reaction was rather subtle and easy to miss, especially since most of it was in the background, so it didn't have much of an impact. Same with Maud's "singing" at the end of the episode. I was hoping she's just sing deadpan instead of calling her reading out a poem as "singing". It was simply a repeated gag from Maud's original episode.

Applejack explaining why Hearthswarming existed was just an entirely wasted scene when you could've used that screentime to develop more of the large cast of the episode. The first Christmas-themed episode had an entire play based on the tradition, so the audience already knows why it exists, and Apple Bloom was there watching too! I hardly think Apple Bloom would forget considering her sister was part of the play as well. They typically don't fall out of your memory. If it was exposition meant for the little kids in case they forgot...well that's a pretty poor reason. Little kids would just associate the Christmas-clone holiday as...Christmas, so it's not a big deal if they know the origins or not. (And if they follow the show, again the episode for that already exists!) The gags where Pinkie and AJ repeat the same things or AB/Pinkie eat very messily (or take a bite out of the exposition prop) felt like a very juvenile, typical little kids show gag and I have come expect better from the show than that. I also find AJ repeating everything Pinkie says rather out-of-character. There has yet to be a build-up to AJ picking up Pinkie's quirks. She just suddenly started doing it. It'd have been more believable if it wasn't quite as long (like the second time they did it) or if they had more of a reason to repeat the exact same things (again, like the second time they did it) so there was that.

But of course, the biggest reason anyone would be excited for this episode is PINKIE'S FAMILY! Here are some shockers.

1) Pinkie is not the youngest, like I had predicted.
2) Maud is NOT THE OLDEST, like I had predicted.
3) There are indeed twins in the family, but it's not between the two-until-now-just-introduced-sisters-who-had-somewhat-similar-colour-schemes, but of PINKIE and MARBLE.
4) Limestone is the oldest, though she looks shorter/younger than Maud. (It's those eyes!)
5) The oldest is at first not your typical "nurturing motherly wise eldest sibling who takes care of the rest" but rather aggressive and angry. She is however in charge of the farm, so she must still be the one who takes care of everything, just with not the personality you'd expect.
6) Marble is Fluttershy.

I don't think their parents are quite that old that Limestone should be the one calling all the shots (you'd think it'd be the father or something) but she must have that domineering bold personality that allows her to take charge anyway. Perhaps her parents are in the "retired" territory. ...people retire on farms right? That doesn't actually sound correct to me. The stereotype is that farmers are poor and farmers retiring doesn't make sense as they always need to work to make a means. This is why poor farming families have lots of children, like the Pie family, so there are more hooves to work. I guess Granny Smith doesn't work on the farm anymore and Applejack calls of a lot of the shots but Granny Smith actually looks old enough that she probably shouldn't have those jobs anyway. She may be somewhat forgetful and obviously doesn't have the strength, but physically I do not see that coming from the Pie parents. Ah well. Mayhaps a lifetime of hard labour has forced them to pass the responsibility of the farm to their eldest daughter sooner rather than later. Who knows.

Speaking of the parents, they spoke more Ye Olde English than I expected. I don't even know how Amish people speak, but I don't think it'd be jargon from the Middle Ages? I dunno. The fact that they essentially met due to an arranged marriage makes sense, aside from the choosing stone thing, but if they work on a rock farm...

This episode was basically Apple Family Reunion + Pinkie Apple Pie + Maud Pie + Christmas put together. I did like Pinkie Apple Pie and Maud Pie better though. Anyway it was a sweet story. Maud was on point as per usual. I liked Limestone. Marble was basically what happens if Big Mac and Fluttershy had a kid that was somehow mixed with Pie genes...uh, but the fandom seems to be super-shipping those two. (It was cute, but ehhhhh not fond of the "THEY'RE BOTH EXACTLY THE SAME THEY MUST BE IN LOVE!!" type of shipping.)  How Pinkie interacted with her sisters is quite interesting as well. She seems to really look up and respect Maud (which is why I thought Maud was the oldest) while she sort of scoffs at Limestone like what two quarreling "love-to-hate hate-to-love" type of sisters would be like, and then she seems to be super protective of her little Fluttershy twin which might explain why Pinkie likes to call herself Auntie Pinkie Pie around Fluttershy when Fluttershy is older than her, pft. So it's like Pinkie shows off every stereotypical sibling trope with each of her sisters! It's awesome! 

I guess another reason I thought of Pinkie being youngest and Maud being oldest (aside from Maud not being there in the flashback, thus I assumed she had left for boarding school for rocks or whatever and she was the one old enough to leave) is because Limestone reminded me a bit of Buttercup. That one scene when she has that evil grin towards Applejack attempting to drink her rock soup especially. That aggressive personality feels like the stereotypical bratty middle child who acts like so for attention as they tend to be the unfavourite, but hey, plus scores for avoiding the normal stereotypes! It makes everything all the more interesting I say! After all, Applejack is the middle child and she is DEFINITELY not the unfavourite in her family, hahaha. (That Big Mac episode is still most emotional episode ever. I don't care how much Pinkie and AJ cried this episode. That one scene in Brotherhooves Social was so poignant!) Speaking of which I did find Pinkie and AJ crying a bit too easily, especially when AJ "cries on the inside" and Pinkie has demonstrated her stepford smiling so heavily before. I think they would cry in this episode yes, but Pinkie did it twice and AJ cried pretty openly (in that cave, sure, but still she ran away to cry. That's not something I expected from AJ...but WHAT IF SHE ACTUALLY DOES THAT!? That's some pretty heavy implications. Everyone thinks AJ cries on the inside, but really she never wants to show any "weak" emotions to others being the one responsible of the family and all, so when she can't take it she runs away to cry. Aw that's sad. D: ) 

I need to bring up the twin thing again. When spoilers came out about Fluttershy having a brother, I was wondering if he should be older or younger or what have you. I thought about possibilities that'd make the relationship more unique. Since aside from RD, Fluttershy having a sibling means there are no only children in the cast. (RD is honourary big sis of Scootaloo now too, so it's almost like there are NO only children) and with a cast of six you'd hope at least one would be an only child and I thought Fluttershy would be the perfect candidate, but noooo. I guess RD has to take the role now. Anyway, since there were already two big brothers I figured Fluttershy could have a younger brother, but then I thought "how about they're TWINS instead!?" or maybe her brother is adopted! Or maybe to make it even more interesting, Fluttershy is the one adopted! No one does that, now do they? Or maybe they're BOTH adopted! Or they could be half-siblings or even step-siblings...THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS I SAY! Well, I don't think they'd quite go into "foster sibling" territory as that's too dark, but you get what I mean. 

And all I've done is basically made that no matter what form of relationship Fluttershy has with her mystery brother, I'll be disappointed...because I came up with too many interesting possibilities that I doubt the show would touch on. But then, Pinkie ended up being a twin instead! Granted, she's a fraternal twin, but there aren't too many fraternal twins in media, especially same-sex ones. They're usually opposite sex because you cannot have identical opposite-six twins, but somehow media portrays them very similar-looking anyway, so it's pretty different. Plus, one twin being prominently featured and the other being minor never happens in media. TWINS MUST ALWAYS BE TOGETHER! So that's another cool thing I liked about it.

Of course the prospect of a twin sort of brings up some inconsistencies in the earlier seasons. Someone on a Reddit comment mentioned that the plot of Party of One suddenly becomes a little harder to believe. It's one thing to forget your own birthday, but if Pinkie is a twin that means she shares the birthday with her twin! That makes it even more unbelievable to forget a momentous occasion like that! Even if Marble doesn't have the most noticeable of presences, Pinkie never forgets other ponies' birthdays, so why would she forget Marble's? It is indeed a very good point. But that was four seasons ago and it's a pretty minor point. I like Pinkie being a twin, so I don't mind that it makes Party of One a bit harder to swallow. I guess in the flurry of Gummy's after-party and her own psychotic-break, forgetting her own birthday (and her twin's) is a thing that can happen! Anything can if you're Pinkie Pie. 8D

And considering how bizarre the Pie family traditions are maybe they didn't even celebrate birthdays until Pinkie started with her parties. Of course since she in her whole young life also never celebrated birthdays she may have never associated parties with birthdays until she moved to Ponyville, so remembering not only her own birthday but her family's birthdays probably isn't something high in her priority list. It's only a theory though, nothing concrete to answer how Party of One can be. 

Oh and another thing. A lot of people are like "HOW IS PINKIE RELATED TO THIS FAMILY SHE MUST BE ADOPTED" because of them all she does not do the rocks and also she is bright neon pink in the middle of dreary greys, but considering Pinkie when her hair is down she does look related to them all. Her natural not-balloonified hair is similar to the straight hair a lot of her sisters have, so Pinkie just happened to come out with lots of recessive genes or something. 8D She shares her eye colour with her mom though. (I think Maud does as well... and I understand Limestone needs LIME eyes 'cause duh but I wonder where that colour and Marble's lavender eyes come from. Igneous Rock's eyes are the same as his coat colour...and his grey hair looks like his original hair coloured greyed instead of being his natural)

....I just realized Pinkie's dad is bald under that hat. (He isn't wearing it when sleeping) Maybe they ARE older than I thought...thus Limestone being in charge! Huh.

Anyway I thought the episode was decent and its content made me type all that out, but I thought for what it was it could've been much better. I've certainly liked and hated episodes more than this one I could've super ranted about, but because PINKIE'S FAMILY OFMGFGMFGGM this post exists. Sooooo, yeah! This been Spotto and such.

EDIT: The writer of the episode does not consider them twins. He thinks they were all born like a litter, kind of like a cat or a dog... uh. That's not how pony birth works. If pony birth isn't similar to human birth than twins would be incredibly rare.  Plus we've had twins in the form of the Cake Twins, so I always assumed since this is MAGICAL PONY LAND that they would have babies similar to humans. Plus every sibling we've seen until now appears to have an age-gap of some form (Rarity/SB, the Apples, Twi/Shining) so it implies ponies have one foal per pregnancy like real horses do. So Pinkie and Marble must at the very least be twins...but since he seems to think ponies show up in litters, I wonder if the writer is possibly implying they're all quadruplets or something. THE POINT IS CANON IS A MESS SO WHATEVER, THEY'RE TWINS!

EDIT 2 A DAY LATER: "Well technically it's never said who's oldest in the episode so anything is still possible." Alright the writer kinda retracted their statement. I"M SURE somewhere out there like in a con or another twitter we'll one day find out for sure who is the oldest or youngest. As for Maud. her not being in the original flashback (probably being independent pursuing education or something) but then SUDDENLY appearing in the picture frame OF Pinkie's first party in Pinkie Pride sort of breaks that theory, but even then in that picture Maud looks the oldest of the four sisters. SO WHO EVEN KNOWS AT THIS POINT. Even canon is hopelessly inconsistent! What I do know is that Pinkie and Marble are the youngest. The other two's age-status is pending.

EDIT 3: Okay even the director said Limestone is oldest. I WILL STOP STALKING THEIR TWITTERS NOW.
spotto: (Sims - Awesome :D)
Ah. You know what happens when you return to the world of nostalgia? You begin seeing things; things you may never have seen before or if have, never properly ranted about it. This is not one of those rants, unless I discuss my unending quest of discovering whether or not Max has ever worn pants. No, this is a cumulation of frustrations new and old! A pattern that has developed across almost every single one of Spotto's fandoms and favourite characters! A pattern that begins (or mostly, anyway) at Beyblade, an Anime of the past, an Anime of nostalgia, an Anime of great experiences and friendship and one of the first, but most definitely not the last, the first thing I joined as part of the periphery demographic!

And I will tell you why I'm part of it, but not before I illustrate to you, dear non-existent readers, the injustice of media.

I remember back in the day when my favourite character was Rei. I was a young'un back then, replacing terms and names of great beings and deities with Rei's name. I had shipped him with Kai, I recall, and watched and rewatched each and every one of his episodes wherein he shines the greatest. I had friends who shared with me these glorious views and our cult was flourishing across the vast lands of the early Internet. As an old relative of yours may have once said, those were the days. We marched forwards in pride, hoisting our flags high as we declared our love for our one true ship, defending it from what the future may hold. The first season and especially V-Force were kind to us, aiding us in our battle whether they knew it or not as the friendship among the two blossomed. It fueled our massive battleship and propelled it through the seas. We were invincible! We were triumphant! We were the rulers of the Beyblade sea!

But I was not an OG member of this ship or even this character. Oh no. My first love, the being who brought me onto these perilous lands in the first place, invading a peaceful space for little ambitious boys to buy their toys and empty their parents' wallets. I remembered as I kept my salutes high and my loyalty in place, a smaller, more modest, more grounded ship across the bay that I had took my first steps on when I first came to this great land. It called to me and my heart reverberated. I boarded a boat that very night and said a silent heartfelt goodbye to my comrades on the ship as I sailed to a home I held dear. There it stood, as I sailed for many hours, a smaller, older, lightweight ship. It was not the battle-heavy beauty wherein its bow and stern seemed to stretch from sunrise to sunset, with hundreds of thousands of cadets and sailors ahoy, proud of their daily duties. But as I recalled, it was home. 

Though a humble abode it won not many battles, it controlled not much territory, but it existed and welcomed new members with open arms. The friendliness of the embraces that I had received on this very ship brought tears of powerful memories to my eyes. I could not bring myself to ever return to the glory of where most of my comrades stood. This was where I belonged. And so, as I scan through the rich history of this small ship's few records, I can begin my actual rant.

I remember being very annoyed that this series was the Takao and Kai show. It wasn't quite like that at the beginning, but by the time G-Revolution rolled around you knew which characters were focused on the most. As I was a fan of Rei, I languished in the knowledge that so long as Rei was not on Takao's team, he would lose. Heck, even if he was on Takao's team, he'd still lose more than usual. In the first season his Driger (I will call it Byakko to differentiate it from the blade) had left him and then later on sacrificed itself to shield Rei's body. (How it came back as it wasn't part of Tala's army of beasts, we will never know) Then in season two he had it stolen from him by the Saint Shields. Takao in the meantime has never lost his bit-beast (unless the movie is canon) despite being the least experienced Blader of the two and somehow rising to the highest ranks the fastest. Kai has lost it once, to Zeo, but otherwise he kept a firm grip on Suzaku and aside from the time he willingly cast it aside for a stronger, edgier version, such heartbreak was not often felt. When you were without your bit-beast, you were weaker than the others. You had to wait until the rest of them fight the opponent and eventually return your greatest ally, your bestest friend, your bit-beast. But Rei was lucky.

Of the four bit-beasts, Byakko probably had the greatest autonomy among them all. Or at least it had demonstrated the greatest autonomy. Not once did the other bit-beasts leave or shield its owner. Kai had desperately needed it in G-Revolution, but the bit-beasts barely existed that season. Yet Byakko has saved Rei's life not once but twice, and has re-evaluated his owner's worth as well. Meanwhile the few times Dragoon has been uncooperative with Takao (unless the movie counts, again) it simply remained in its blade like a poorly-trained Pokemon as opposed to literally running away. Byakko was quite the bit-beast, I must say. And so even though Rei was given the short-end of the stick in season three, he still had moments where he was the star of the show. He was such a radiant light that he, and only he, had these type of episodes that were largely unique. He had episode forty-nine of the first season, where he almost died trying to tie the best-of-three match against the Demolition Boys. He had episode thirty-eight of the second season, where even though he lacked Byakko, he fought valiantly anyway because a bit-beast wasn't everything to his beloved sport, but that he would do anything to get it back anyway. They were wonderful episodes that showed the viewer how amazing of a character Rei was. He was diligent, stubborn, and never gave up. He had the wins and unique situations to back it up.

So why did I sail away on a little boat back to where it all began?

Rewatching the show reminded me of the one character who instantly took my heart the moment I set eyes on him. Cute adorable little Max. And unlike Rei and definitely unlike the other two, he has no moment to shine at all. At least, not a moment where he beat the indescribable odds and won some ultra-important match that was of great significance to his growth as a character. That doesn't mean he didn't have episodes that focused on him; they just didn't make as much of an impact like the other ones. Max did not fight a battle without his bit-beast to earn his partner back. He did not almost die to keep a series going. He wasn't the one responsible for defeating the Big Bad of the season. His so-called magnum opus performance ended in a tie. Max's episodes were the ultimate "throw-the-dog-a-cookie" episodes. Oh, he'll never win the race. He'll never be the favourite, but by God we gave him a cookie so at least he'd still be happy. He'd still be his optimistic, cheery little self despite winning the least of the four main characters. No wonder he became more serious as time went on (Maturity? What do you mean?) No wonder his final battle was laced with the beginning steps of angst and depression, but even that battle was just throwing the dog a bone. He will never have the prize. He'd have to remain satisfied, in the background, with his participation award.

And well, we all should have known this pattern was going to remain when we see his very first official battle. Max vs. Kai. This battle is all about Max because Kai was obviously going to win. The entire thing was set up so Takao could get his just desserts in defeating the cocky, sourpuss, cold Kai. Yet this was also the battle Max received Genbu. Now unless you're one of Takao or Kai, if you have personal investment in a battle it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to win. First Kai defeats Max easily because he's Kai. Then Max shows off his strategist, tactical nature by launching his blade in the other direction to absorb Kai's finishing move and thus winning the second match. By the third match, Max has replaced his bit-chip with one within his pendant given by his grandma, which is rather convenient. Now, if you were the main character, this would be the catalyst to victory. You now have this great new power that no one has seen before. You'd think by that logic Max would win this match or at the very least tie, since that's exactly what happened when Takao's Seiryuu first appeared and at that point Takao was still less experienced than Max. But no, Max's Genbu shows up and all Kai has to do is summon Suzaku and the whole trump card was for nil. Max loses. Oh, but at least he has a bit-beast now, so it's all okay! Max isn't too sad. In fact he even tried to give Kai a handshake after which because he's such a preciously nice boy. So nice that even the cold-hearted Kai couldn't simply just walk away from. It's amazing what this boy can do.

Now repeat this formula over and over again and you have Max's battles in a nutshell. Sure, he beats Michael during his character-focused arc, but everyone gets their own character-focused arc where we learn of their backstory and motives. It's not unique only to Max. And frankly the PPB All Starz are the most forgettable team of that season anyway. The most interesting character was Max's mom. They even introduced some new guy in season three because of how boring this team was. Beyblade's American stereotypes are awful. Then Max gets an upgrade to his Beyblade, the infamous Draciel F, and I will educate you plebians of Draciel F's might despite winning like practically zero battles during its existence.

It was Draciel F who held back the ridiculously edgy and somehow powerful Black Dranzer (with its fifty-thousand stolen bit-beasts to boot!) during the Kai-redemption episode. Max doesn't actually win on his own though since the whole point was for original Dranzer to knock some sense in his owner's head. Then, as soon as we saw Draciel F's ability Max loses Genbu to the Demolition Boys right after and we never see Max's Beyblade again this season. Welp. They realized how little it was used in Season 1 so by the time V-Force arrived Max was the only one of the four to keep Draciel F for the entirety of the Psykicks' arc. Seriously he doesn't get Draciel V until over halfway through the season! And here, he gets to beat the random scrubs Team Psykick sends out (while losing constantly to Mariam and co. mind you. Kai tied with Dunga and Rei eventually beat Joseph, but noooooo, little Maxie can't win any of his early battles unless it's a random kid!) and finally we have Max's little nonsensical battle with Jim at the tower. Like holy crap, this fight.

I have very mixed feelings about this fight. You see, of the four Max is the only one who doesn't have personal investment in this Tower Arc. Kai's fanboy friend died and he needs revenge. Rei's chasing after some girl because girls. Takao always has personal investment because he's the main character and he fought Kane in a super even and non-cheating heated battle earlier. Besides Takao has abandonment issues, of course he has investment. But Max? Well, too bad so sad. Regardless despite Max's outdated Beyblade and his lack of any plot-related reason to win, he still pummels Cyber Draciel like a little squishy bug over and over and over and over again. And for some reason does this with such reckless and wrathful intensity it's like Max should have had some sort of personal reason! Seriously! For no reason at all Max gets really mad and expressive this battle! FOR NO REASON AT ALL! He acts stubborn and unlike himself...FOR NO REASON AT ALL! Was his friends in danger? Did someone betray him and now he was unleashing his hidden fury unlike anything before? Max has never looked so angry! He has never looked like he wanted so much to win until this fight! BUT WHY!?

And of course, being the water Blader and the smart one, Max begins to suffer from Mercury Syndrome. 

What is Mercury Syndrome? Well if you've seen Sailor Moon you may know what I'm talking about. Sailor Mercury was famous for her seemingly-useless bubble attack in the first season. This was justified by how Mercury fought with her brains and with tactics instead of sheer force like the others. Her bubbles would distract or impede the monster somehow and give the team the upper-hand to destroy it. In the finale of the first season, Jupiter has just died and Mercury stayed behind to hold the somehow unbelievably powerful DD girls back. (Why they weren't used at the very beginning we may never know) Jupiter being the strong one killed two of them in her kamikaze attack. Venus would take one later on after saving Moon, whereas Mars gets a badass "I'm not done yet!" scene where she torches the last two. Mercury gets none because the girls were constantly falling for the monsters' illusions of their loved ones being taken hostage. Even if it was obvious that this was just an illusion, it was effective enough to make the girls' hesitate and it ended up being Jupiter's downfall. So instead of killing off one of the DD girls', Mercury's last stand was to break the jewel on the monster's head to stop these illusions. She then dies, fulfilling her role as the smart one.

Congratulations Max you get to sacrifice Genbu in the name of tactics! He destroys the bit-beast repair system that was allowing Jim to battle Max over and over again. (And like the illusions in Sailor Moon, even if you could just CHOOSE to not accept the challenge again it was still better to rid of it entirely) I mean imagine if Cyber Dragoon was revived over and over again. That's a Godzilla movie waiting to happen. Then of course, his endurance runs out and Max isn't able to defeat Cyber Draciel a third time and he loses his bit-beast. Of course he does. It's just how it works. How do you demonstrate to the audience how dire the situation is if someone doesn't actually lose their bit-beast? I mean sure they had to cheat over and over again to do it, but Max didn't have a plot-related reason to win so even though he absolutely pulverized his competition, he has to sit in the sidelines just like at the end of Season 1 and wait to get his Genbu back. The sad tale of Draciel F ends here, in heartbreak and tragedy. You were a tough Beyblade, Draciel F. You just suffered from terrible luck.

Oh yeah and Max gets punched in the face. That was cut from the dub, but between Dunga and Rick in season three Max sure suffers from assault more often than the others in this series. By the way the two of them share the same voice actor in the dub, so if it weren't for the cuts you could just designate this guy as "the person who voices all the Max abusers".

...Moving on. The series knew it shafted Max during this arc, so he got one all for himself in the next two episodes! The first one was promising. Max reunites with his old friend in America, Alan. We get super adorable glomping and flashbacks. Then it turns out Alan is a little jealous beetle and steals the super amazing bit-beast rock from Max's mom's laboratory and Max is betrayed! It's set-up rather nicely. There's even GTA-esque chase scenes, bazookas, and machine guns all over the place because MURICA yo! Except the machine guns were cut in America. Yeah I don't get it either. Then the second episode was the let-down of all let-downs. Like come on! So Max finally receives Draciel Viper, and isn't behind the times as he used to. (Takao gets V2 like two episodes later. This getting obscene.) He uses it to defeat his friend Alan and...ugh. Let me rewind a bit.

First of all, Alan did this so he could get a cool bit-beast and be on the level with Max, but the person he was working for of course didn't actually do their end of the bargain, so Alan just has a boring normal Beyblade during the impromptu tournament. Also this announcer has a cap with the letters USA on it and the most awful of accents you could ever hear. I know dubs hate silence in Anime and need to fill it up with as much obnoxious dialogue as possible, but geez he was already a terrible stereotype in the original Japanese version. Why would you make it even worse when you're the Americans!?  So anyway, during the actual battle Max fights his old friend but he's so incredibly distracted he almost loses to a normal Beyblade used by a criminal. Wow, Draciel V that is not a good first showing at all. Draciel F may not have won much battles but it had spunk! It was tough! The fact that Max had a whole new upgrade to his Beyblade for this battle and still ties with Normal McNormalson is very worrying. Then eventually he realizes how stupid he's being and destroys Alan like the little insignificant character he is. (Seriously nobody cares about this guy) And no bit-beasts ever appear. 

It was very anti-climatic. Because Alan was ripped off, he wasn't using some massive dangerous force which would've been a great foreboding preview of the next obstacle our main characters would face. Instead it was just a normal Beyblade that made Alan seem all the more pathetic. Meanwhile Max expresses himself greatly and is all the more pumped up for the JIM battle several episodes before, but not this one with the emotional and personal investment. I just don't get it! I just don't get it at all! The first episode set it up so perfectly! The build up was amazing, but the actual product was a crippling disappointment! No wonder no one remembers or cares about you, Alan! I even read a story that had to use an OC to be Max's stray friend instead of Alan! Gah!

Luckily this season isn't all bad for Max. I mean aside from his adorable design upgrade. The best part about the Saint Shields arc was undoubtedly Mariam. When we saw our first female blader in season one it was the sadly stereotypical Mariah, who was as pink as she could be and was basically a girl version of Rei. We finally see another in Emily, but she's only slightly more memorable than the other sports-related characters of the PPB All Starz. Hiromi shows up in season two but she doesn't even beyblade which is frankly disappointing. Mariam is our first good female character in the entire series and is probably the only good female character in the entire series! (Alright Salima was okay as well, but really aside from the two) I will not get into how bad G-Revolution was in developing a character outside of the ones directly related to our main cast until later. She had snark. She had personality. She clashed with her teammates (mostly Dunga) and she had character development too! (Too bad in Beyblade when you have character development you automatically become GOOD IS DUMB and become the next victim of the Worf Effect to the next bad guy in line) And yes, that is how I got into Beyblade! I watched the Max and Mariam episode when they got stuck in a building! I saw a really cute awesome male character with a really beautiful awesome female character! Their designs were nice! The plot of the episode wasn't mindless tournaments and top spinning! We had character development for Mariam! Max gets to be a protector despite being the weakest/cutest-looking of the group! It was different! It was great! IT WAS THE ONLY ONE OF ITS KIND IN THE ENTIRE SERIES! AND THIS IS THE EPISODE I SAW THAT HOOKED ME! THIS EPISODE IS WHY THIS RANT EVEN EXISTS! THIS EPISODE IS WHY I AM HOW I AM NOW!

Why if you went back in time and did something seemingly harmless and insignificant, but it was enough for me to miss this episode I may never have met the friends I have. I may never had joined fanfiction and continued my beloved hobby of writing! What could I have been instead? This was the best episode in the entire series. 

Then Max beats Mariam, she finishes her character arc and all is downhill from here.

Well okay, not necessarily. I do think my least favourite arc of V-Force is its finale however. We get introduced to King and Queen (and no one likes them @_@) because we need characters to fill up a tournament. Do you know how much I hate that? Introducing characters to fill up a tournament? They did that tenfold in season one, but it was okay because each tournament was a setting for each character's backstory, so not only do we learn a great deal about character of the arc, but also the team they face and are associated with. (With the sad exception of the PPB All Starz) Unfortunately we do not really have that for this season except for Zeo and only Zeo. This arc was just ZEO ZEO ZEO ZEO ZEO. The entire season we've had this theme with fanboys and friends who you thought were your friends, but ultimately they fall to the wayside because of their great jealousy of the Bladebreakers. They end up saying YES to drugs (Don't tell me the Psykicks weren't a euphemism for a drug cartel. All those kids were high as fuck) Yuuya/Wyatt dies. Alan goes to jail. And now we have Zeo! Zeo is different because he's actually a robot that Zagart wanted to turn human with the divine power of the sacred four bit-beasts. You know the manga story is a lot more deep and tragic. Zagart stole the first rock thirty-some years ago, but Zeo could not have possibly existed back then. Did he already have the ambitions to bring to life his own mechanical creations way back when? It was a lot more sloppy than the manga story, where Zagart lost his first son, Zeo and forced his second son Leon to adopt the name Zeo so he'd basically become Zeo in his place. 

Anyway, Max teams up with Takao (with Rei and Kai being together) in this sudden tag-team tournament. HOLY CRAP! MAX IS WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER! He's bound to win now! No, he's bound to be tie-breaking fodder so Takao can get all the more glory. :|

Max beats Queen though, somehow. His mind can make his Beyblade spin the other direction just like that. Hey remember way back in season one when he had to slot in his ripcord backwards to make it spin backwards so he could beat Kai? Remember when these tactics actually existed? Yeah they're not coming back in G-Revolution either. Anyway we didn't have the screen-time nor the significance to give Kai and Rei their own super powerful semi-final/quarter-final victims, despite the numerous characters introduced this season. (They were Worf Effect fodder to King/Queen and Zeo, sadly) Oh Zeo has a partner, but he has no characterization whatsoever. He's just there to be his partner because this arc is ZEO ZEO ZEO ZEO ZEO. Then Kai loses to Zeo (Rei has to tie because it'd be absurd if he lost Byakko even MORE) and then we get to the finals match. In some form of crazy miracle, Takao went up first with Zeo's cardboard cutout partner that Rei couldn't beat. So we got Max up against Zeo! YAY!

And he proceeds to DESTROY Zeo! YAY!

And then Zeo summons Suzaku. Not yay.

WHAT HAPPENED TO DRACIEL F'S AMAZING RESISTANCE VERSUS EDGY DRANZER WITH HIS ARMY OF BIT-BEASTS IN SEASON ONE!? Draciel V you suck! (Despite this, Heavy Viper Wall is forever my favourite attack from this series. It's so beautiful) But yeah Max goes first against the biggest threat so the threat's trump card defeats him and makes the situation even more dire. Oh and Max loses Genbu AGAIN. The poor boy just wants to keep his turtle, man! Why is that so hard to ask? And then Takao the main character wins yadda-yadda boo hoo wah wah wah.

Season three is a clusterfuck. I know lots of people love this season,  but they mostly like it for the DBZ-like action and the non-childish (AKA incredibly attractive) designs of the characters. I mean yeah, season two had far too much animal wrestling, but this season didn't really fare better with its stock footage attacks. What is this, Sailor Moon? Basically whoever has the most optimal timing with their stock footage attack wins. I would reiterate back to season one when we had actual real tactics that might really work if these spinning tops were real, but those days are long gone. The first half of the season is a tournament arc and then the second half is a matchup against the BEGA characters. Sigh. Remember when I said I hated tournament arcs for introducing characters solely for the tournament? Unlike season one we don't get the "tournament is a setting for the character backstory". Instead the so-called appeal of the season is that the Bladebreakers are no more and must fight one another. Therefore, Takao needs a Takao-clone to be his new tag-team partner (AKA Daichi) which is really what this series needs. I mean, really. I will never understand these shounen shows.

Max gets a brand new character because of how boring the PPB All Starz are. And since we need our regular serving of Max assault we get the Dunga expy, Rick. Rei and Kai return with their old teams, their partners becoming the heavily nerfed Lee and Tala. (Because they can't outshine our main characters after all!) For whatever reason we need to replace the Majestics with the Barthez Battalion. (Why? I have no fucking clue. There was nothing wrong with the Majestics. They have lovely personalities and probably would've been my second favourite team if they were ever given screen-time.) Aside from some awkward abusive coach arc with these four characters we literally know nothing about them. Whose favourite character is Claude anyway? The only reason someone might like them is because of their designs. Matilda has a fucking hedgehog bit-beast. That's fucking amazing. F Sangre had potential to give us a brother-sister duo we wouldn't hate with all our might, but they didn't really go anywhere either. Am I forgetting any team? Were there really only six teams in this tournament? This is sad. All of this is very sad.

You got this sloppily organized tournament with characters we really don't care about (unless you like their designs!) all so in the end we have a Kai and Takao rematch. Wow. Amazing. Max and Rei aren't allowed to win against either Kai and Takao (who must WIN ALL THEIR MATCHES!!1!!!! Unless of course Takao isn't actually trying and loses in a non-epic intense manner) and when you pit Max and Rei together instead of some intense epic battle of who is NUMBER THREE in the Bladebreakers, we get a "teach Rick teamwork" episode. Don't get me wrong I like the episode, especially Lee randomly winning, but that's so sad. I thought the appeal was to see the old team fight one another, but we don't get to see who of Max or Rei are better? It just emphasizes all the more how much this tournament is just to show off Kai and Takao before they fight one another. (If you really didn't want to reveal who was better make Max and Rei tie and have Rick and Lee be the tie-breaker. THAT'D BE INTERESTING AND DIFFERENT!) THIS IS SO SAD. WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS SEASON!?

Well I imagine it'd be for the BEGA arc if anything. Did I mention Takao's brother by the way? I find his character absolutely pointless for this season. He makes sense in the manga because he shows up in the VERY BEGINNING when Takao is a rookie beyblader. Why would Takao need a goddamn mentor after he's become a two-time Beyblade World Champion? Where the hell were you when he needed you way back in season one? He's just here to be a cryptic (and random) ninja who decides the best way to make Takao better (when he's already the very best) is to train the BEGA bladers. In terms of personality he seems rather bland. He's just there to be eyecandy and the generic mentor person. My god. Oh and after we had such a great character in Mariam in season two we are given an insulting excuse of a female character in Ming Ming. She just sings, magically transforms to be older (like some sort of pseudo-magical girl transformation) when she Beyblades. What is her personality? To be cute? What the fuck.

Then you got Moses (and the dub finds renaming him Crusher the smartest of ideas. WHAT PERSON NAMES THEIR KID CRUSHER!? I mean sure, what person names their kid Dunga or even names their kid Moses, but you tell that to the millions of dudes named Mohammed) who is given a whole sob story about his ill sister, so now Rei's OPPONENT has the personal investment instead of him, so he's destined to win instead. Even though we're all supposed to be sympathetic and such to him, he is still technically working for the BAD GUY. His side isn't supposed to win! 

Then there's Mystel! Who is he? Where does he come from? We don't know! His name is Mystel! That means he's mysterious. His entire persona is being mysterious. Yay. Oh, but god forbid this mysterious gentleman loses because Max ties against him. Max has to tie so Kai can get his revenge against Brooklyn and Takao wins. (God forbid Takao loses or ties!) That way a tie-breaker between Brooklyn and Takao could happen (this entire battle was so what) and it's just. RARGH. You know what I would've done? Max would've WON and then Takao would've tied against Garland. Then Takao and Brooklyn could be the rematch! THEN EVERYONE GETS SPOTLIGHT! Because Max never wins a battle he has an emotional investment in, unless it's that piss-poor of an excuse fight he had versus Alan in season two or the one he had in season one that everyone pretty much had anyway! MAX. WAS. GYPPED!

I'll breathe.

Yes. That Max vs. Mystel battle was another THROW THE DOG A BONE battle. Max didn't win. He doesn't get to win. He's not the main character! He tied so the plot can go on, but he couldn't get the elusive victory no matter how hard he tries. He's always the underdog in every battle but that doesn't seem to do anything for him in terms of helping him win! The crowd cheers for him anyway (and the dubbing of this crowd is so sad I just want to melt into a drain and disappear into the ocean) because that was his bone. He didn't technically lose and the people still like him anyway so he can be back to his happy, cheery self. NO WONDER ALL THOSE MAX FANFICTIONS I TRIED TO READ DEPICTED HIM AS SECRETLY DEPRESSED ALL THE TIME! WHO WOULDN'T BE AFTER ALL THIS!? You can't win! You don't win! Yet you keep up your cheery shell anyway! That's probably why Rei GOT ALL ANGRY this season because he too doesn't win as much and he had to let out such a humongous amount of frustration trying, over and over again, to win. Even if he had the backing of his team and the little symbolism tied around his arm that for ALL ACCOUNTS AND PURPOSES, if this was ANY OTHER SHOW, Rei would've won and defeated Kai! BUT NO! THE PLOT SAYS, KAI MUST FACE TAKAO! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT BONE YOU THROW OR WHAT PERSONAL INVESTMENT YOU HAVE!


And that is why there isn't a season four of Beyblade.

spotto: (Sooooolo)
Nostalgia is like being an archaeologist, digging for artifacts buried long ago beneath the sand. In this modern age, something like the internet may exist, but what once was in the ancient internet most likely isn't around now. Old fanfictions are deleted by the wayside, disappearing into the oblivion with the countless lost data that once existed in this world. I once saw this comic adaptation of a pretty awesome PPG fanfic, but it is now nowhere to be found. Even with websites designed to archive such things cannot pull it up. Even the author of said fanfiction did not keep any backups of it...and the artist, the one behind the comic? We may never know what became of them. So the existence of this fanwork only exists now in memory. 


they were never shorts
and they were never pants
they were all overalls

max's mom buys all his clothes

spotto: (pouty korea)
What irony it was, for the woman who had been in an accident to be the one to rush over to him, instead. Max's gaze remained at the sky despite the snowflakes that were falling all around him and on him. The pinch of coolness that would touch his cheek or forehead or nose was nothing compared to his elbow that hung limply by his side. But even with that surge of pain enveloping his arm, he could do nothing but stare up at the heavens. It wasn't like he was about to die or anything as heavy as that and was viewing his immediate future. It was as if everything that happened today; everything that happened just now was insignificant. The clouds in the sky were fluffy as they could be, a far cry from the slippery and hard surfaces underneath his back. He could barely register the voice of that woman, who had only been lightly injured, calling for him and asking if he was okay. The guys back at the hotel would soon notice he was late, and eventually missing, if he had not responded or given any information to the sudden appearance of people in dark navy jumpsuits. It was only when his fixed stare of the limitless ceiling above him was replaced by a true ceiling, white and bland in colour, did his mind finally process what was happening.

That didn't keep any of it from being a complete haze. Max eventually attributed his state to the heavy dose of morphine the freshly hired EMT had administered on him, even if he never felt the needle being inserted into his still useful arm. By the time he found himself to be fully sound-of-mind, the medical personnel at the hospital had kicked him out after fixing his arm to a split and wrapping it up in what felt to be far too much gauze. On the bright side, they didn't forget the sling, and Max was an expert at discovering the bright side of life. He had apparently given a statement on what happened during the car accident while he was high on drugs, and had wondered if the investigation team from the insurance offices were aware that whatever he said had to be taken with a grain of salt. The heavily-worded letter filled with passive-aggression and near profanity he had found on his doorstep when he had gotten home was a good indication they did not. As such, Max had suddenly found himself being sued.

"For how much!?" His almost as excitable friend had asked. 

"Two hundred..." 

Takao began to smile, "Oh that's not too bad--"

"...thousand dollars."

"Oh man. That can buy like, a thousand burgers!"

A younger teenager sitting not far from the two of them could be heard directing his palm into his face, "No. More like forty thousand burgers."

"Whoa!" He audibly gasped.

Max then turned his attention to the other letter he had received in the mail, "Forty thousand...the same number on this piece of paper."

The blonde had barely remembered any of it, but apparently those two or so days within the ER and beyond was worth around forty grand, and that wasn't including the surgery. His best friend of five years had lamented a few times how America, though renowned for its burgers, was pretty lackluster in various other areas. Takao had expected the toilets to be just like the ones in the hotels in Japan, where there was an extra option for..well, extra hygiene. And he hadn't seen a single arcade during any of their commutes through the city. If it weren't for the massive portions of food, which he had considered what was appropriate for the norm, he would've demanded a plane out of the country ages ago. 

Max wondered why he would even bring up such complaints as this was at least the fourth or fifth time he had come here. He himself had lost count, seeing as he had a single parent in one side of the world and another in the next. He had somehow managed when growing up to never break a bone in his body until now, and as luck would have it he chose the wrong country to do so in.

"That's harsh man. A whole forty-grand...that's like how much...yen?" Takao chuckled, still struggling to figure out the currency exchange.

"Let's just say a lot," Max put down his bill and sat back on his bed, "Well luckily mom will be able to find a good lawyer...and maybe I'm still part of her health insurance plan? I'm not sure, but until then I can't go back to Japan with you guys."

"Oh that's fine! We'll stick around until you have everything settled!"

That same teenager who remained seated at the table with his laptop stood up, "Takao! We can't afford to stay in a hotel for the next few weeks!"

"Weeks!? You're stuck here for weeks!?" Takao exclaimed in horror.

"Weeks, maybe even months. Who knows?" Max shrugged despite one of his arms in a sling. It's not like his elbow bone was affecting his shoulder bone.

The brunette by the desk adjusted his glasses, "The pressing matter at hand is what we'll do back at the force without you. As dramatic as your alter-ego may seem, you are a crucial part of our department."

"Aw shucks Kenny, I'm sure you'll all be fine for a few weeks. Think of it like an extended vacation!" Max began, "...Where I lose the use of my arm and several thousand dollars."

"But we're strapped with people even with you on board!" Kenny argued, "Our precinct has far too much of an area to cover without you!"

Max though, wasn't worried in the slightest, "Pshaw! You and the guys are more than enough to handle the load! After all, remember that time when Takao, Kai, and Tala spent the week away with food poisoning because of the mysterious lemon pie left at the office party? We managed fine!"

"No we didn't! We let two hit-and-run suspects get away, and the Mayor threatened to lower our funding for our inadequate efforts that week!" Kenny was not at all convinced.

"I don't remember that at all. I caught all the villains I was pursuing," Max tapped his chin with his good arm.

Takao almost slammed his hand into Kenny's back, "Oh the Chief is exaggerating! We only let one get the away, the other was eventually caught two weeks later. And the Mayor only threatened to lower our food bill...actually, that does sound serious now that I think about it."

"That isn't the point!" Kenny continued, "We're not just losing an officer, we're losing Maxman! What will our city do in the weeks without Maxman? Their confidence in the fight against crime will diminish! All the criminal organizations' morale will be boosted significantly! Crime will be rampant! Lives will be lost! Property, destroyed!"

"Well, Maxman will temporarily be relocated to the City of New York! If I know my crime dramas all the bad guys operate here!" 

Takao scratched his cheek, "That's well, that'd be cool except I dunno how well Maxman will do with a broken arm."

"Oh what's the deal? I've fought with a shattered knee before once! A little single arm action can go a looooong way!"

"No, Max. You'll have no backup here like last time. You're in an totally foreign environment--"


"You haven't lived here in years! And it wasn't even this particular city! And if you get yourself hurt again, no one can cover for your damages so you'll be seeing double that bill, or triple, or quadruple!"


Why the fuck did I continue this story? 
spotto: (arisu margtrod)
Once upon a time on a cold, chilly day there was a boy named Max. He had lovely yellow, messy hair and freckles upon his face, above which were some wondrous blue eyes. He was hopping about on the sidewalk that day, taking such a path seeing as he was bordered on both sides by knee-height snow. His boots left jolly imprints on the mostly-shovelled sidewalk, appearing rather sporadically in time with his merry gait. He looked up and there appeared to be a large bridge going right over the four-lane road he was next to. He had been planning to visit the store across the street a few blocks from whence he stood, but this was the first he had seen of this bridge. Knowing he had never trekked onto such a marvel of architecture, and knowing it was far more convenient than to wait at yet another boring stop-light several metres down the street, Max took several steps up the stairway, advancing across the bridge.

He stopped at the middle to gawk at the cars zooming past underneath him, as if they had no qualms about the no-doubt icy surfaces they were rolling across. His thoughts were cut-short when one car had overestimated its own all-weather tires, skidding about until it had come to a roaring halt into the stairway Max had moments ago climbed. The hood of the poor sedan was crumpled up, and the woman in the driver's seat was shocked right out, having barely recovered from the air bag expanding in such speeds as to protect her pretty face from the unmerciful steering wheel. Max reacted as one would, quickly dashing across the bridge and rushing down the stairs. Unfortunately in his haste, he too had overestimated his boots' ability to grip on the icy surfaces and found himself not just descending, but tumbling down to the ground. With reflexes like that of a competitive sports participant, Max threw out his left arm to shield the rest of his body from the solid ground below. He fell with a heavy thud, though it was somewhat muffled by his heavy winter coat.

Alas, Max's clever ploy to protect the rest of his body was not a smart one for his arm, which had held out well in the nanoseconds it could to keep the rest of his body from contacting the unmoving sidewalk, but in doing so the elbow snapped right back, and a pain Max had not felt since he was a young child during a nasty bike crash rushed back into his memories as well as his nerves. His other arm grasped the elbow in an instant, and it took him great willpower, the same willpower he used to summon his God Turtle during spinning top battles, to keep from crying out.

And so the story ends with two accidents, damages on vehicles and limbs be damned. The synposis of a story that Spotto read has now come true, from the keyboard of Spotto as opposed to the fraudulent and untrue summary that was one she had read earlier. It had promised the reader, should they venture into such a tale, that Max would've broken his arm after falling down some stairs. Neither of which ever happened in such a story, and a girl, so unsatisfied was she, immediately loaded up Dreamwidth to write down an impromptu story.

None of which would have happened if a bloody antivirus had updated promptly, allowing her a night's rest during the late hours of 3:20AM. But since it took its sweet time thanks to her ISP's incompetence, she had to wait, and wait, and wait with droopy eyes and baited breath, until great rage urged her to express her emotions in that of a pointless drabble.

spotto: (WOOP WOOP)

What do you mean it's been five years? I haven't neglected them at all!

Nonetheless, I probably didn't manage to write out my season three review because wow, is that first episode putrid. Fallen Arches is Blossom being stupid and old people being injured. So if you enjoy either of these two things do I have a cartoon episode for you! It doesn't give us any insight to any of the main or recurring characters nor was it comedic or dark or anything in anyway, it was just, "Here's some old supervillains who can only be defeated by old superheroes, who by the way are in a feud." I mean considering they've beaten up their own friends and family in that one episode to knock them out of their brainwashing I don't see why hitting old people is such a terrible thing. Okay, maybe, being old, they might croak, but you could just grab them and fly them to jail. I don't see how they could stop you from doing that. This episode was just meh. Plus in a later episode they do end up trying to beat up an old lady (which was really Mojo, but I'd think when all the bodies return to their rightful places that old lady's going to feel awful in the morning)

The "everyone glares at Blossom" episode.

Anyway this full episode is pretty much full of Blossom-shaming. Because in The Mane Event, Blossom decides it's a great idea for her two, usually less mature sisters by the way, who are also both five, to style her hair, her lovely, wonderful long and luxurious hair being styled by two young children whose own hair isn't too difficult or tedious to maintain whatsoever. Blossom, you're really dropping the ball these two episodes. Also, I question how she doesn't feel the EXCRUCIATING PAIN of having her hair ripped off. Though I do maintain her hair being a racetrack or a bunny actually quite hilarious, even in a cartoon. There's a similar episode coming up about Bubbles as well, which I found better but not because it was specifically a Bubbles episode. My biggest gripe between this one compared to the next is how the Professor behaves. I'll elaborate then.

Ah yes, Town and Out, when the girls inexplicably move to the Town of Citiesville. These names are quite awesome by the way. I also heard there's a real Townsville out there. I wonder if there's a real Citiesville? Probably not, but I'll go to Google Maps and find out right now! Hooray for the age of the internet! "We could not find Citiesville." And there you have it. Getting back on topic, I always liked this episode when I was younger. Something about the girls' absurd property damage had to be touched upon sooner or later. I mean, it did lightly in various episodes but not to this point and certainly not to the point of the movie. Though watching it again there are some issues that seem sort of odd. For instance, the girls are all in kindergarten, attending Pokey Oaks in Townsville, yet when they attend a city school they're somehow in a middle school (because obviously middle school children are psychopaths) which I guess gives the bullying a more realistic background. It would be hard to imagine little kindergarteners to such a degree of bullying (but that didn't stop Mitch, others, and even Buttercup herself in that one episode. And Mitch can be quite the shit especially towards that poor hamster that one episode as well...) It also sort of felt like someone who is used to living in the suburbs quietly venting their frustrations with lifestyle in a huge big city where everyone is antisocial and all bad things that happen, would happen. Like that one Simpsons episode about Homer going to New York. I love that episode. Too bad since it aired pre-9/11 it was banned afterwards what with the many many scenes showing the two towers.


Oh, where was I? Yes, a nine-million dollar bridge ruined. The kids, who hate them, and all the other stuff that seem overly negative. Even if these things did happen, it did seem like a serious 180 from Townsville, which I suppose is the point but it felt so extreme it didn't feel like it'd ever happen either. I mean, wouldn't kids find kids who have superpowers super amazing no matter what environment they live in? Ah well. I still like the episode nonetheless. And this isn't the first nor the last PPG episode that takes such things to the extreme.

Child Fearing is quite hilarious. It's a rather mundane episode overall and I'd generally just give it an average-rating and move on from here, but there are a few scenes that stand out that make the episode itself stand out just a little more than usual. I suppose that just means it's above-average. From the Mayor killing his fairy in Legend of Zelda to the hilarious overly-obnoxious programming with the singing sea-serpent, this episode does its job, which is to make those laugh, quite perfectly. Though, at some point Mojo gives up on his plans to use the girls to take over the world when he gets far too annoyed, and just wants them to behave like a normal babysitter would want. I would think at that point the girls should have backed off, but again, a PPG episode is not complete without its nutritious dose of violence, so Mojo gets beat up and sent back to jail. He technically shouldn't have been out anyway, but still. Props for somehow making pillow-fighting more violent than it really is, seriously. o_o

I don't understand how this food tasted like crap. It looked amazing!

Oh good ol' Criss Cross Crisis. There are certain episodes the Anime adaptation...well, adapts roughly, and one of them is Criss Cross Crisis. Why am I talking about PPGZ all of a sudden? Because I sort of want to compare them. In PPGZ the only switch comes between the girls, which is quite interesting and would've been interesting had it happened in the original cartoon as well. On the other hand, OG PPG has far more interesting side characters (with some exceptions) than the Anime ever had, so if they both had the same concept it really wouldn't have worked quite as well. Still, it'd have been nice to have seen Buttercup act like Bubbles or something. Anyway, in this episode the Professor decides to irresponsibly test out his invention on the whole city. Now, you can tell this is going to be a twenty-or-so minute episode because those rays that blast out of their house goes on for forever. Ah the good ol' days when they didn't cram a million things into one episode. Blossom and Bubbles retain their rainy day roles and swap with Ms. Bellum and the Mayor respectively. Buttercup gets the Professor, which is also quite amusing. Seeing "Buttercup" in a lab coat and a pipe is well, starkly different than the norm and thus an interesting sight to behold. The "PROFESSOR YOUR HAND DOESN'T WORK!" gag could only have been done with this concept, and I want to think the entire point of this episode was originally purely just for such a joke, but that probably isn't it. Then they fight Mojo, who I mentioned beforehand swapped with an old lady, so when they find out the old lady is Mojo they don't hesitate to smack him silly. My favourite swap of the villains is the Gangreen Gang, who are all ditzy teenage girls. I'm amazed they weren't shocked at how grotesque they looked and continued on, fangirling about hot guys in magazines and painting their crusty nails. What a hoot. Then we have that whole amazing fight scene where bodies are switched constantly until the Professor eventually fixes the problem just by trial and error, which logically probably would've taken ages to do and they may never have gotten it right considering how many coordinates there must be, but why research and discover an actual solution to the problem when you can just pull a lever over and over again! I'd say if he were swapped with an animal without fingers there would be problems, but he was Buttercup in the beginning, so there goes that out the window.

A lovely episode, if you can tell by my large wall-of-text for it. :D

I could've taken a screenshot of anything, but Professor-Buttercup is too cute for words.

The Mane Event returns this time in the form of Bubblevision! Sure, you can say part of the reason I prefer this episode with the exact same concept as the Mane Event simply because Bubbles is the victim this time, but it's a lot less...I guess stupid, in terms of execution. For one thing, Bubbles' vision has suddenly become cartoonishly horrible. To the point that, even though everything is simply blurry in her point-of-view, she reacts to the tests like she's entirely blind. Yay cartoon logic! Now, this isn't that unrealistic. After all, a lot of us glasses-wearing people don't even realize what we're missing until we finally don our first pair of specs, suddenly seeing all the details of the leaves in the trees, wondering why we were experiencing life in SD all this time when HD was just around the corner. However, I do find Blossom's behaviour in particular a little jarring, especially if these episodes are in chronological order. (If they aren't, then Bubbles' behaviour in The Mane Event is the culprit instead) because well, she's been the victim, so why is she doing the bullying this time around? In fact, it feels like Blossom is the one initiating the bullying. Buttercup just follows along, which would be normal in a leader-follower-fighting-the-monster kind of scenario, but that isn't it at all, especially when Buttercup is known as the bully of the three. Ah well. I guess I like this one better because the conclusion was better. Her beam is intensely magnified as it goes through her incredibly thick glasses, vaporizing the giant ant entirely. (I also hate ants. Hooray!) This is better than Blossom showing off her hair and the eye monster constantly laughing with his eyes closed. Plus, Blossom and Buttercup look stupid from the melted ant glob all over them instead of Blossom shooting the two girls to mess their hair up separately at the end of the episode. I guess it feels a lot more natural this way instead.

And about the Professor thing, even he couldn't help laughing at Blossom's haircut in The Mane Event, yet here he shows his complete sympathy to Bubbles and doesn't make fun of her at all. I suppose the difference is in The Mane Event, literally everyone laughed at Blossom yet here, it was only Bubbles' sisters doing the teasing. And with the Professor being a scientist, he's used to say, giant nerd glasses than ridiculous haircuts, but I still think it was a little unfair in the end. They didn't have to leave in the part where the Professor was holding in his laughter that entire time, though I guess you could argue since he kept it in the entire time, keeping such a straight face while giving Blossom advice it was actually really nice of him, as a father and all. Bah, I dunno.

In the end, it doesn't matter. The Professor is an awesome father.

I'm writing too much about two episodes with the same concept in which nothing at all deep happens and the status quo returns in the end anyway. Plus Bubbles' hearing problems at the end was probably just a one-time- gag thing, but what if, kind of like how extreme Bunny turned out in that depressing episode, that Bubbles has the most wrong with her in some way!? I mean, when the Chemical X fell into the concoction it wasn't just Chemical X! It was glass shards and such too! This episode is certainly the beginning for interesting potential headcanons, that's for sure. A thing I never even considered in the world of PPG.

Alright, moving on!

Bought and the Princess being dumb, and then getting her just Turkish Delights. ...I meant desserts. It was a really bad pun. Really.
Well, I don't have too much to say about this episode. It's pretty much what I said. They apparently had to fill up a lot of time with Princess walking through her halls for forever, which is also a good way to express her obscenely rich status, but y'know, still. I feel like another way to solve the issue was to beat up the criminals since CRIME IS LEGAL, which doesn't mean beating up the criminals is illegal, because if that is a crime, then it's still okay because it was made legal...and also because the PPG is in its nature are very very violent, but stealing! Sure! That works too! Apparently there is a PPGZ equivalent to this episode but I don't remember it at all despite marathoning both series recently so it must've been bad. So yeah.

And now an episode starring a squirrel! Bullet is a really lovely name for the squirrel, debuting in Getting Twiggy With...wait, this is the hamster episode. Oh. Oops. Bullet shows up one season too early? Hahaha. As he (I never got his gender actually) is the saviour of animals it sure would've been nice if he was in this one, Getting Twiggy WIth it, in which a POOR HAMSTER is TORTURED by a horrendous bully who frankly is showing symptoms of psychopathy if he's fine with tormenting animals. The girls in their excessively poor judgement, even Bubbles, give him far too many chances to treat Twiggy well, and since it's a cartoon it ends with Twiggy becoming a huge monster, now in turn torturing Mitch instead. Man, this really isn't a kids show eh? I suppose it wouldn't be one on like, the little toddler channels in the early morning, so you can't expect morals or anything every episode, but well, this goes to show the very revenge-focused punch-baggy nature of the show. Violence, the answer to all of life's problems!

An eye for an eye, the moral of this episode. And most episodes.

So during Cop Out, I was actually quite...out of it. I fell asleep trying to watch this episode not because it was boring in any way, but I was super exhausted. I eventually woke up and finished watching it, but yeah, details may be Fuzzy. He didn't show up this episode by the way. So some lazy, stereotypical and extremely crooked cop gets fired probably because he is lazy, stereotypical, and crooked. He blames all his problems on the Powerpuff Girls for doing the job he never would, and then tries to kill them. At the time I'd probably be all like "Wow that cop is so crooked that's so unrealistic and shit yo!" But nowadays I do wonder, what with the state of America these days (and probably elsewhere) if these types of cops aren't as rare as I thought them to be? Who knows. I do find the girls falling into the acid, with the other cops failing to stop it in time just to find out they were immune to it all along a funny twist. All-in-all a fairly average episode, but a decent one nonetheless.

Silly wabbit, Trix are for kids! Back in the day that commercial was around, and many of us all began feeling sorry for the poor animal. Then came good ol' Powerpuff Girls to parody such things with Jewel of the Aisle, a crackpot of an episode if anything. "Ridiculous Lucky Captain Rabbit King! Lucky Captain Rabbit King Nuggets are for the youth!" So an incredibly lucky but dumb thief chases his stolen jewel to extreme lengths, until it ends up in a box of Lucky Captain Rabbit King Nuggets. He ruins the supermarket aisle by flooding it with the cereal, only for the last box to be taken by the Professor. So, he dons a disguise as the Rabbit King and somehow plays his part so well at the very end, he actually wanted the cereal until the jewel was revealed. My absolute favourite part is when he dresses up as Santa while still in his cereal mascot disguise, takes a helicopter to the roof, tries to go through the chimney when a squirrel jumps on him and he falls off the roof, so he takes a second helicopter to get back on the roof. That was just so absurd. Then Bubbles is like "Santa are you crazy!? It's summer!" This entire episode was comedy gold. The girls are all constantly eating the cereal the entire episode too.

I'd put something in these captions but I'm really hungry atm and could sure use some cereal.

And then there's Super Zeroes, in which the PPG find their real selves boring and lame, and their favourite heroes amazing and filled with depth! Well, two of them anyway, what with Bubbles' hero being a Japanese rabbit who loves adventure and such and isn't actually a hero. (The Google Translate-parody of how she translated the comic was gold) Buttercup's dark and edgy hero was amazing. "And his scabs NEVER HEAL!" A perpetually tortured soul who is likely an anti-hero, though I really know nothing about Spawn which was what her's was based off of. Blossom gets the most standard hero of them all, though the excessive-reasoning seems well, a little excessive. (My rope will magically grant you morals!) Yet at the same time it's fitting.

This episode utilized quite a lot of long-gags. I wouldn't say overly-long-gags, but long enough. The time they took to prepare, the time they took to get there, etc. It also established that not only are the regular villains having normal lives when not doing deeds of villainy, monsters too take pride in their battles against the PPG as if they're blood knights or something, fighting and competing with one another for whoever can do the most damage! I'm not entirely sure I like that origin story for the monsters. I love it for the recurring villains, but monsters are monsters and their appearances being random and nonsensical is what makes them monsters. There was a season five or so episode expanding on this concept, but I didn't really like it at all, so. The moral is obviously to be yourself, but for some reason the "heroes" they idolized were far lamer than who they are somehow. Y'know, what with Liberty Belle not having the magical abilities to force morality on people (unlike a certain rainbow beam from a certain equine cartoon I could mention...) or the Harmony Bunny well, doing nothing really....probably another attempt at that mystical rainbow beam, and then Mange you'd think, with Buttercup and violence being so in tuned with one another there'd be no problem. But nooooooo, Mange is like a vampire who cannot stand the sun. Wow, what a limitation. Of course they'd return to who they are! Their alter-egos are lame to the point that why would they like them in the first place? I can kind of understand Bubbles because she likes a manga with cutesy things and maybe Buttercup if the nocturnal thing wasn't in play, but Blossom's has no excuse. Still, it's a fun episode seeing the girls like this, and it was iconic enough for the second PPGZ opening to reference it, but they toned Mange down to look more like some sort of evil Anime witch. NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE CUTE AND MOE, JAPAN!

I mean, I don't deny the devil would create a hero with exposed thighs, but she's thirteen man! Based off of a five-year-old man! What's wrong with you, man!? Not to mention how she'd never wear anything like that. D<

Three Girls and a Monster was one of my most favourite episodes, probably my most, back in the day. Watching it now it's a pretty simple episode that goes through a lot of padding in the beginning and the conflict between Blossom and Buttercup isn't featured as much as I remembered. Bubbles follows along what the other wants. She's a follower at heart, but when her leaders are incompetent she needs to chime in as well, and with her heart-like powers, she kindly asks the monster to leave. It's so simple and yet so amusing. The huge, most traditionally intimidating monster yet is certainly tired of the shit he goes through, being assaulted by mosquitoes when he's busy mindlessly destroying the scenery. Nowadays it's a become too simple to be the top of my favourites list, but I love it all the same even so. It's also an example of Blossom and Buttercup arguing, which if memory serves right diminishes in frequency until for whatever reason Bubbles and Buttercup arguing becomes the norm. I don't deny that Bubbles can be a brat, but I dunno, seems a tad strange. Like Blossom has learned better now and Bubbles is tired of Buttercup's shit? Who knows. (This is mostly in seasons 5 and 6 when the creator has left, so)

Monkey See Doggy Two, or otherwise known as Mojo is an idiot. Moving on.

Remember when I eviscerated the drugs-are-bad-mmkay episode back in season two? Well, here's the Aesop done right! Candy is Dandy has the Powerpuff Girls eat candy for the very first time. I find that hard to believe, but considering their out-of-this-world reaction to the treat it does seem that way. Sometimes I wonder how the Professor acts as a father. Seven-thirty curfews...sure it was suggested by their teacher, but geez, seven-thirty is really early. It's already early for a kindergartener in my opinion, though some may have gone to bed at the time (my bedtime was 10:00 back then...which probably contributed to my nocturnal nature ha) but for kids who have to save the day at any notice it's pretty steep. And now, they've never had candy before!? Wow. I guess it was good the Professor never gave any to them, but they've had sugary things before, like that ridiculous cereal so the reaction wouldn't have been that great, and yet. I'll stop talking about the continuity and such. So, they get addicted to candy and make a deal with Mojo so they may have more candy. I really think the girls should be rewarded for their constant vigilance in keeping the city safe. When they asked for two-thousand dollars back in that Blossom-stealing episode I didn't think it was that steep, if it was a one-time thing anyway. They risk their lives everyday to save the day! That's gotta be worth something! So only one piece of candy every monster or criminal defeat seems a bit little too, though I suppose if it happens everyday once a day is a way for moderation, but it apparently doesn't happen everyday if they gotta get Mojo in on it.

I'm amazed it was Buttercup and not Blossom who freaked out for more candy after this scene.

Now I question Mojo's sanity. Sure, stealing the candy would've made the girls suffer, but what was going to happen afterwards? That's right. They'll beat him up. Maybe he didn't expect it to that extent, but he was going to be beaten sooner or later, seems sort of idiotic for Mojo to do that? Ah well, trying to figure out the logic of villains would keep me here all day! Then they eat all the candy anyway, with Mojo horribly disfigured...wait why is this the better drug episode again? I guess it shows you all the detail of the consequences that can happen when it comes with addiction. Ah, I don't know. But the girls, while admitting the guilt still get what they wanted, Mojo got a beating he didn't completely deserve, and everyone got stomach-aches. The destruction of property is the equivalent of stomach-aches! I can kind of believe that, considering how painful some of mine can be.

When I saw the title of the next episode I thought it must've been about cats, but I did not recall a cat-based episode after the evil white cat episode back in season one or so. So I internally argued with myself if this episode was actually about cats while going through the seasons before I reached this particular episode. Logic dictated that writers found puns too tempting to not use, so it must've been about cats, but my memory was like "THERE WAS NO CAT EPISODE AFTER EVIL CAT EPISODE!" So I was in this eternal dilemma, wondering if puns or my memory was correct. Always bet on the puns, friends, never the memory. And so we have Catastrophe. It's not really that memorable of an episode either, considering my dilemma. A monster lost his cat and they find it eventually after Bubbles summons all the cats. That poor kitty, being stuck between his cheeks. There must be some sort of animal cruelty law in place to prevent such things, but if monsters can live normal, mundane lives, they can own cats too I suppose. I once ranted that watching cats do nothing for twenty minutes was more entertaining than some season five and six episodes, sooo...this episode is better than some season five and six episodes. Yeah.


I don't know about you but I dislike Mayor episodes. This one is no exception. In Hot Air Buffoon, he hits people with an extendo-grip boxing glove, which was initially effective (and if he weren't such an idiot maybe we wouldn't need the PPG! Imagine that, an intellectually-challenged Mayor who is always unopposed in elections is the sole reason the PPG are superheroes!) but then he just started punching everyone, even for little crimes or crimes that weren't crimes at all, like a stupid softcore version of Bubblevicious or something. Y'know, I rewatched this episode several days back but I don't actually remember how it was resolved. I guess that's how much I dislike this episode. (I do recall a Dr. Strangelove reference with Blossom laughing whilst riding a missile) Oh right, the Mayor tried to punch the missile after the girls stopped it from hitting Townsville, but all he did was set it off. This normally kills people, but because of the laws of comedy everyone is only covered in soot. So the Mayor's stupidity didn't cause the entire human race to go extinct after all, thus justifying his continued place in Town Hall! Hooray! :|

Speaking of which, yay for more episodes of good characters breaking the law because they're either stupid or need to learn a lesson! This one's about stealing even though we had a stealing episode already called Ploys R' Us. Believe it or not despite knowing the chain store existed I didn't actually get the pun when I was younger. So the Professor is suffering from some pretty specific sleepwalking, which leads him to stealing from a toy store and leaving it for his kids. Maybe it's his subconscious trying to please his lovely children in ways he never could when he's awake, since despite inventing things and owning quite a lot of expensive equipment a two-thousand dollar set of golf clubs and some extra toys for his children are too much to ask for. The girls soon discover this loophole and manage to land all the toys from the store, even continuing when the store owner is crying his eyes out wondering what heartless madman could continue to steal from him over and over and over again. (And no one thinks to up the security when this thief is doing this every night P: ) The Professor soon discovers his night-crawling activities, and instead tests the girls' ethics by seeing how far they're willing to go. When a bunch of cops storm in and start shooting him after he holds the Mayor hostage, it's only then when the girls confess what they've done. Luckily it turns out it was a test and the girls somehow passed!

Well alright.

A Beefy Betty.

First off, for the first four (or three, I don't remember in four) seasons, firearms were free to be shown in PPG. The one exception is Fuzzy's shotgun, which I guess is cartoony enough to be allowed. In the very beginning they were there as they were, deadly weapons that can shoot bullets to kill people, but over time they were toned down. This episode may be their last appearance as guns, but now they're coloured in bright red colours and their sound effects don't sound anything close to a real gun, so I guess they're treading on some borderline territory here, but considering such violence the show has had, I don't see why censoring guns is a thing that even needs to be done, but ah well. I don't know why I'm complaining about this, since it turns out they were all dart guns so the unrealistic colours and SFX makes sense, but...huh, I just explained away my issue for this part myself. Huh.

Well anyway, the girls sure do like getting away with things until it's too late huh? From Blossom escaping her sisters, going to the point of framing, lying, kidnapping and then explaining it was the Professor who pushed her to crime, to the three not even admitting their misdeeds until the Professor is supposedly dead, kind of says a lot about them doesn't it? I don't know. Perhaps it's just rule of drama to just get the confession out of them at the height of climax, but y'know, considering how violent they are to solving and ending crime it's just a theme that gets repeated so often through the series. It's a broken record, a dead horse by now, but why is this show for children!?

But they learned their lesson, so all is okay!

This post is getting too long. Helter Shelter!

This was ingenious.

I love too many Bubbles episodes and this one is no exception! She tries to hide a whale, albeit a baby one, in the house after the Professor has already repeatedly reprimanded her for bringing animals home. A whale! When the girls try to hide it they all have awful, awful ideas, but Bubbles keeps shoving it back through the window like always. Then it gets shrivelled up and she tries to save it with glasses of water, pft. Oh Bubbles you naive little girl you. I'm touched that even though Bubbles' sisters are understandably pissed at her for never learning her lesson, they still try to save her butt by helping her hide the whale. Isn't that nice? And when the Professor's words repeat within her head, Bubbles applies it a little too cross-the-board, freeing every animal contained in a cage or attached to a chain! Be free, animals, free! Who'd think "Bubbles" being yelled across space would happen before Buttercup? Certainly not me!

Power Lunch was a Gangreen Gang episode, who I'm not fond of. And they almost destroy the Powerpuff Girls, but then nature finds away and the status quo returns again. Nothing much to say about it; the episode was mostly a fight scene. If you enjoy the PPG getting beat up instead of the other way around I guess you'll like it? I dunno.

Some father-daughter relations are touched upon in the Powerprof episode. This is the go-to episode I reference whenever I talk about the writers padding the episode to fill time because it's twenty-minutes instead of the usual ten-or-so. The part where they try to get the Professor to take them to a movie is very long indeed, but still very cute nonetheless. Seeing their escapades so often interrupted by crime-fighting sure sucks. I wonder how they managed to get Mojo in on returning the family back to the status quo though? You'd think after Candy is Dandy Mojo has learned, but I don't even see anything he'd get out of it at all this time around either. I don't understand Mojo sometimes. He seems like a very naive supervillain. Another thing is, one of the outdated slang terms the Professor uses is "Daddy-o" which he uses again when the girl goes back in time to in the time episode in season four, so I like that sense of continuity there! Man, I know I'm reiterating over and over again, but violence sure seems like the number one problem-solving technique in this show. Just have the Powerprof beaten up to the point that he doesn't want to do it anymore! Yay!

I love how the villains are like the girls' peers 'cause even though they beat them up they still feel embarrassed around 'em.

...The Headsucker's Moxy was just a "the Mayor is stupid" episode. The monster itself was fascinating and had an air of horror to him. I really wanted to see him manage to attack one of the girls and see how that played out; it would've been such an interesting episode had that happened. But noooooo, it ends because the Mayor is stupid. Meh.

There are tons of misinformed My Little Pony fans who think Lauren Faust created the Powerpuff Girls. No, she was a storyboarder and a writer for some episodes, but not the creator. That'd be her husband, Craig McCracken. An episode she did write was Equal Fights, and the theme is pretty obvious. FEMINISM, Y'ALL! An issue that many people are rather ignorant about. See, in an effort to invite zero confrontation, I hardly give my opinion on hot-topic issues such as feminism and the like. I am blessed to live in Canada where I generally agree with the populous about issues, but that isn't the case on the chaotic world of the internet. So I just keep my mouth shut and let people with far more eloquence in their speech than I do to explain the logic and purpose of feminism, like this episode.

Well, except this episode maaaay have been a bit too obvious and simplified about it all. A deranged villain named Femme Fatale wants to steal all the Susan B. Anthony coins in Townsville. (I've never seen these coins, not being American and all, so are they common? Or just a limited edition of the coins or what? I've only seen coins with Presidents on 'em, so) She justifies her actions to the girls with her straw feminist logic. They, being impressionable children go along with it, but after three or so seasons of crime-fighting I didn't think they'd believe her so easily and keep letting her commit crimes no matter the words she says. None of the boys that do things in the episode actually do anything wrong, and the real purpose of feminism, is touched upon rather lightly by the girls' biggest woman influences, their teacher Ms. Keane and Ms. Bellum. Femme Fatale's just a thief. She's apparently based on the stupid annoying extreme feminists who demand all for women and none for men, but as this episode in particular we aren't really shown much negative stereotypes of men or women it's kind of hard to point out the real life issue where there is a real divide in terms of how men and women are treated in places like the work force, social gatherings, and the like? I don't know.

Your own movie you say? Yes, they do have one. :D

It was kind of like the very-special-episode about drugs a season back, but it wasn't quite as bad. Maybe just as preachy but not quite as obvious. The intentions are good but the episode fell short for me. I think an episode that depicts the issue more directly is the season four episode with the male superheroes the girls run into. It's not only hilarious but brings out the point pretty nicely. Or maybe I just like morals that are clear-cut and dry, I dunno. Also according to Wikipedia apparently that quote about Susan B. Anthony demanding to be put to jail like all the dudes do isn't true? I'm confused. :(

Next up is Moral Decay...and I've heard a lot of vitriol has been thrown against this episode for depicting Buttercup so negatively, just like A Very Special Blossom and...uhm, well everyone loved Bubblevicious. I dunno any other episode that portrays Bubbles in a objectively negative light. I found her sort of obnoxious in Octi-Gone but, hmmm... anyway unlike these people with these opinions I disagree! While Blossom's behaviour beyond the stealing may have been a bit much in her unsavoury episode, Buttercup's well known for her tough, violent ways. It's just like the toy stealing episode except without the forgiveness. Actually the criticism may be be because the two of them didn't get any forgiveness, though their lack of remorse may have warranted such a I guess the lack of remorse drives the criticism? Bah. I liked this episode because of the slapstick humour, primarily towards Bubbles. The fact that, at one point Buttercup could barely squeeze an apology out of her mouth and now she's spouting it out like mad to justify how much she was "unintentionally" hurting Bubbles is hilarious. I also like despite all the physical abuse, Bubbles is like "th'okay!" through her tooth hole. And then Blossom is smiling like she's superior to Buttercup but then the Professor is like "You can't knock out Blossom's teeth" either and she covers her mouth. Man. I would give this episode 10/10 just for the door-slamming scene. I DON'T KNOW WHY I LIKE THAT STEREOTYPICAL GAG SO MUCH! It's just so good when it's done versus some character you don't expect. The usual (often-male) buttmonkey villain person being beat up over and over again? Eh, gets old. Not funny. Bubbles? The unexpected is the best humour of them all.

And then Buttercup gets beat up. Well, okay then. Violence solves everything amirite?

I mean, I'm sure she gets it worse in the actual monster fights...

Finally, there's Meet The Beat Alls. It was a Beatles reference episode. I don't know anything about the Beatles. I watched a video pointing out every single reference and literally every line and background event was a reference. All the lines are lyrics or things they've said or song titles. There's the Beat-Alls themselves, the way Moko Yono broke up the band, everything! If I actually knew anything about the Beatles I'd probably like it, but my inner writer spirit would probably say they forced too many references in too small a time-frame. Like when Professor called the Beat-Alls just a "rock band" and tried to explain away such an odd line of dialogue by pointing out Fuzzy's rock. That doesn't explain nothing! Also its laziness in how they portrayed the PPG being defeated annoys me, with the three beams and then the rock every single time. Come on! The Gangreen Gang did better than that! Buttercup did better than that against Bubbles and those were "accidents"! And the PPG aren't so incompetent they'd be defeated the same way every single time! Gah!

And there you have it, season three. Egads on a stick, my friends. I've typed too much. I have a headache (from yesterday too) and I'd like to finish. Now to place a bunch of random images from the episode with hopefully witty captions with a witty title and then I can say "Spotto out!" or something like that. Hoorah! I'd also like to mention I will not be reviewing seasons five and six. I tried to rewatch them today and skipped a majority of the episodes. I might touch on the episodes I did like, but unless you want me to bitch for five-thousand words it will not exist. I will still review the movie and the Christmas Special, but not the 2008 special because if you've been reading my PPG stuff you already know I don't like it and I don't feel like bitching, again. Yep.
spotto: (WOOP WOOP)

And surprisingly, it was not utter crap as I had feared it would be.

This is also the first time I ever saw it, despite knowing its existence when it was hyped up those many months ago. I suppose from seeing the previews and the new design I found little motivation to actually watch it, dismissing it rather early on without giving it more of a chance. (I thought the preview clip was terrible) But one thing I can say is that it was actually better than the ten year anniversary (or fifteen, I can hardly remember) special from several years back (2008? idk) which I rather despised. (Despite my icon depicting a scene from that episode P: ) Unfortunately one of the biggest problems with that special remains in this one, though perhaps not to such an extent, the pacing.

In "The Powerpuff Girls Rule" everyone talked so blindingly fast they sounded like chipmunks, as if whatever plot and content they had intended for this episode needed to remain in this episode without any cuts, so they instead pressed the fast-forward button to cram it all in. I remember back in the days of the original series, when they'd have a hard time finding content to fill the twenty-two minute time slot they adopted for a while, particularly in the fourth season. You'd have a scene of the Professor in the lab working, and we'd spend five minutes on some overly long gag where the girls are trying to give the Professor a note or removing his items from the counter. There was no dialogue, just sound effects of their heads popping up and down. It was pretty obvious the writers were used to writing their eleven minute episodes, so they had fun filling up what they needed in case their plot wasn't thin enough. These specials however, felt quite a lot like they wanted to throw in as much as possible to appease nostalgic fans (I guess?) and so in order to do so, crammed it all in.

Luckily Dance Pantsed wasn't quite as bad as Powerpuff Girls Rule in that department, but compared to the original it was still too quick-paced for my liking, as if all the dialogue was shoved into my ears and processed through my brain like an obnoxious child shoving a lollipop into my face. The biggest gripe about this special in general is probably the new design and animation for everything. CGI isn't necessarily terrible, just like Adobe Flash isn't necessarily terrible, but in both these specials if you don't do it well it looks especially glaring when it's bad, which both are prime examples of. Powerpuff Girls Rule used Flash and everyone looked like one-dimensional cardboard figures trying to speak on top of each other all at once. The CGI in this special It was almost like the animators wielded so much power they had to animate every single thing possible, leading to several "still" shots (It'd be still shots, but it was too fast-paced for such terminology) and the girls or other characters would be constantly blinking, their pupils zipping around staring at things as if everyone has ADHD and their heads would move around like they had some sort of nervous tic. It was seriously unnerving seeing them all like that, not to mention on top of the picasso-like redesigns that made it look far more uneasy than charmingly bizarre.

The plot however, wasn't too bad. To someone who has never seen this show before they'd probably wonder what the writers were smoking, but PPG generally has a lot of rather surreal episodes with such absurd plots you'd wonder if the writers were smoking crack. Since the special was probably meant for a seasoned fan, we'd be used to such ridiculous events. I'd have enjoyed the plot so much better if again, the pacing was handled properly. There were certain scenes I especially liked though, like Buttercup being smashed so hard she went through the Earth's core, screaming during the mantle and grunting humorously through the crust. Bubbles landing in the world's largest pillow on top of that was a nice touch on how I feel the series treats the characters respectively, but I highly doubt they were commentating on such a fact and the gag was just that, a gag. I also especially liked Bubbles' conscience manifesting as Blossom and Buttercup. I had hoped Buttercup would show up as a devil instead though, cliché as they may have been, but it wouldn't have made any sense. Bubbles' comment of "Oh no! My sisters are tiny! ...and dead!" was delivered wonderfully.

As for the voicing, I could clearly tell the VAs themselves were older with the exception of Bubbles because Tara Strong is hax. There's a reason that woman voices in everything. Buttercup sounded lower, and thus older, but I didn't mind too much because that still fit with her character having such a voice. If she wasn't still five-years-old it might actually have been fitting, but again wasn't all that out of place and I still like E.G Daily's wonderful rendition of Buttercup. Blossom on the other hand sometimes sounded perfect, sometimes sounded strained, but especially sounded over-acted. I thought about it for a bit, and if the animation was still like the original probably wouldn't have minded Blossom's constant need to sound morally superior and righteous, but in this animation it felt like it didn't match with how the character looked or her expression at all, which is partly due to the designs themselves and not so much the voice actress, but still.

Now I never actually elaborated on the designs earlier, just the animation itself, and that too is a heavy point of contention against the special. By God did it look bizarre. I was imagining how a child channel surfing would think of seeing this randomly on the television, assuming people still do that nowadays what with the cable cutting. Frankly if I saw it randomly as a child I may have gotten nightmares in my sleep that very night. I actually don't mind whoever's responsible for the looks' intentions, because if the animation itself didn't look so uncanny valley-ish maybe it could've worked, but at the same time it was still something I had to take in as well as the fast-paced nature of the episode and the slightly-off voice-acting. It was frankly a tad too overwhelming because of it. Also, why does no one comb their hair? It's like, combined with the fast-paced nature of the episode, leading to the speed-talking and the nervous tics/random blinking that the entire cast of characters had several cans of Red Bull before filming or something. Seriously! I hope the 2016 reboot at the very least fixes the pacing issue of these two specials. I can't take much more of this chipmunk like fast-forwarded kind of animation. It feels like it fries my brain.

Oh, the 2016 reboot. Did I mention that earlier? After watching Dance Pantsed I actually prefer its designs over the 2016 reboot despite the reboot looking far closer to the original style. (At least of the girls, the Professor looked too frazzled for my linking. HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SQUARE DAMNIT!) The CGI versions at least seem creative and daring, while the 2016 reboot designs look lazy and uninspired. They don't look different enough to be interesting, nor similar enough to the wonderful style of the original to be good either. They just tacked a few extra accessories or little tabs on the characters and called it a day. With the outlines of the characters being less thick than before, any glaring mistakes in the art style would be all the more pronounced, whilst you could hide a lot of it and instil a lot more imagination with the original style. 

I found a random forum thread about the 2016 reboot and By God was it full of vinegar. I could not believe how many pieces of flying radioactive poop were being flung around because of various issues like why PPG would even need a reboot during a time when literally everything and their dog were getting reboots, or why the original VAs were replaced by new ones. I don't particularly mind new VAs so long as they sounded similar and not annoying (or like chipmunks. PLEASE DON'T HAVE SUCH PACING ISSUES, NEW SERIES!) but I do agree Cartoon Network's handling of the issue was pretty piss poor, having not even told the old VAs themselves they weren't returning when they implied a reboot might happen after Dance Pantsed. For them to see this pop up no doubt on the media or internet before being told privately beforehand would hurt quite a bit, I'd think. The voices of the three are pretty iconic in my mind though, being a nostalgic viewer but I'll keep open about it. I'm especially worried about Buttercup for some reason. That Tommy Pickles voice is just too Buttercup for Buttercup to not sound like that. The voices were so unique and I hope they don't go for some "generic lowish Tomboyish voice". I guess the nasally or gravelly or however you can describe it, nature of her voice is what I think will be difficult to imitate.

Bubbles too would be difficult but having seen the fan crossover MLP animation, Double Rainboom, there ARE talented enough people that can sound exactly the same as the original Bubbles. Is this new voice going to be one of them? Who knows, but I now believe it's actually possible. High-pitched voices can't be emulated just by having a high-pitched one yourself, even in this high an octave voices sound distinct. 

Blossom also would be a challenge to live up to, just because a normal-sounding confident female voice wouldn't cut it. By God I am too attached to these voices, hahaha. But hearing how Dance Pantsed went, the original VAs aside from Voice Not of this World Tara Strong did sound like they were no longer spring chickens, and reprising such a role might make the voices a bit off. But what do you choose, a bit off or something similar but completely new? I just wouldn't know until I actually hear these voices.

By the way, I would never be commenting on all this if I haven't been on a PPG binge this past week. A wave of nostalgia hit me like no other, and I had to rewatch everything. Luckily I own the entire series on DVD! At the time when I bought it I was slightly regretting it because for some reason a poor person like me had sixty dollars on hand, and remarkably during this very brief, mythical time-period I had nothing to spend the money on. What madness, I say, when nowadays I'd want that money to fix my computer, laptop, phone, obtain more hard drive space I desperately need, purchase various useless pieces of plastic I don't desperately need and everything else you'd use money on. So I walked through the DVD aisle and found the PPG boxset and bought it on impulse. But I am glad for such an impulse buy because this is a series I'd love to rewatch, filling my childhood with such joy and violence. 

Violence! Having rewatched it now (not all of it, I just finished season two P: ) I saw this review on a few episodes and it pointed out something that happened quite a bit in the DYNAMO episode but is a prevalent theme throughout the series, casual death. Like, there's a scene where a blimp is hit by a beam and catches fire, and it crashes down onto the stadium below. This normally would already be a rather troubling sight for a kids show, but you actually hear screaming during this sequence. Not to mention the various people being shown actually being eaten and never recovered when the monster was killed and basically we were seeing random helpless citizens dying on screen without any censor at all on a children's television show. This really was created by a college student meant for older audiences (its original intent) wasn't it? Regardless as a child I NEVER NOTICED THIS AT ALL. I was just like YAY DYNAMO AND PUFFERFISH ARE FIGHTING, BADASS! 

This kind of casual violence and black comedy occurred even in the movie, which sparked a few well known comments from critics on why a kids show was so bloody violent. (I still love the car gag where it smashes into a building as a guy is hitting on a girl by telling her about this car, omg) And when blood itself (not just in a random assortment of alien colours to dissociate it with real blood) but actual, red human blood is shown in the series, it's quite a theme indeed. (Bubbles' wiping the blood off her mouth in Bubblevicious is one of my fondest childhood memories) but hey, if violent video games don't cause kids to grow up to become psychopaths, this show shouldn't do it either! 

So it's all the more amusing when PPGZ, an anime based on PPG and sent back to the Western Audience with a dub, that they censored out violence in certain episodes. Yes, the Mahou SHOUJO anime with really no real sense of violence whatsoever and is filled with cutesy, girly plots, was CENSORED for violence in certain episodes (the Kaoru's father wrestling one is a prime example) when it's based off such a straight-laced unabashed violent show itself. FOREVER AMUSED, I AM. That's like all sorts of levels of irony which I don't know if I'm using such a word properly, but who cares!

Which leads me to another point, the dub didn't retain the original voices from the original show, and when I did listen to it I heard screechy and irritating teenage girl voices that put me off ever attempting to watch the dub again. I think it's such a missed opportunity for the original VAs to not voice them considering how different the personalities can be. Hearing original Blossom geek out about Anime and boys? My fucking god what could that have sounded like? That Clipsville episode where they're teenagers with the RRB is the closest example I can think of, but instead of a manic nerd it's more valley-girl idiocy than anything. Hearing Bubbles Bubbles would be kind of interesting I guess, hearing that high-pitched voice being proper and polite and the like, though not quite as jarring or hilarious as Blossom might've been. Now Buttercup I would've loved to hear as well even though Weeb B-Cup and OG B-Cup are the most similar of the three, just 'cause Kaoru acts like some sort of shounen protagonist being all hot-blooded about spirit and inspiring young children to never give up. OG Buttercup is supposed to be the unfavourite bratty middle child, to hear her be a role model would be interesting at the very least! 

Yeah, I can't mention PPG without the PPGZ even if many purist fans either hated it or never gave it a chance in the first place. I can't blame them as it's such a stark genre shift, especially with the changed settings, changed origins, changed familial relations, and especially the changed personalities, but what can I say, I'm a masochist for nostalgia. (Except Sailor Moon) Blossom turning into the standard shoujo-protagonist instead of her usual self is rather disappointing, but I really do like how Momoko is designed with her hair like so especially, so if I could somehow ignore her boy-crazy selfish ways I'd be fine with her. (She feels like a combination of Moon and Venus, but without any of the character development and maturity they had, soooo yeeeeeah) In fact the easiest way to describe the personality changes is that Blossom had all her maturity sucked out of a hose, which was then sprinkled onto her sisters. It explains everything, like how Buttercup is no longer bratty but more like a voice-of-reason role model and how Bubbles is absolutely perfect, leaving her childlike ditziness behind just for plain ol' purity. 

And yes, despite the massacre of Blossom's personality it is actually Bubbles' changes that I dislike the most. What can I say? I love OG Bubbles. (This doesn't stop my brain from shipping, but we'll discuss that later on in this post >_>) OG Bubbles is just so quirky and funny, and well, Weeb Bubbles simply isn't. The writers may have tried to make them similar but I think they missed the entire point of Bubbles. Sure Bubbles is girly and innocent, especially in contrast to her sisters, but that's not the core of her being. She can become violently angry and is a little slow at understanding things compared to her sisters. She's the most emotive of the three! None of these points are touched on whatsoever in the Anime, with maybe the exception of the slowness, but that was only around in the early episodes and it made Weeb Bubbles seem off with her head entirely in the clouds as opposed to charming and amusing. It actually feels like Weeb Bubbles emotes the least of the three girls because having extreme emotions isn't what a proper Japanese lady should have! Damn you, Yamato Nadeshiko trope! Damn you to heeeeell!

And then there's Buttercup.

If I despise Yamato Nadeshiko in Anime, there is one thing I find the exact opposite, the Bokukko. I love the Bokukko. And well, Buttercup became that. Yes, the three of them essentially became Anime Stereotypes, but if you were expecting quality from PPGZ you are barking up the wrong tree, sir or madam. I don't know why I like Japanese tomboys so much more than just the standard tomboy. I guess in their society where sexism is a lot more pronounced (though not as overt in such a conformist hushed culture) being a tomboy and staying that way feels a lot more daring and brave. It's so nice their school doesn't require uniforms, about the one stereotypical thing this anime doesn't do, so that Weeb Cup (I wonder if you're still following my ridiculous slang usage here) can dress anyway she pleases. Her outfits remind me of my clothing choice when I was younger (and aside from the sudden prevalence of pink nowadays it's still not too far off from before) and really, with the OG girls being so violent, Weeb Cup is the closest thing to the original show's spirit. She tries to solve all her problems with violence (at least the superhero ones) which was basically the defacto way of solving EVERYTHING in PPG, but since this is mahou shoujo world all the most mild of conclusions can occur. Like, an eraser and a pen have become monsters. In PPG they'd have punched them into bruises, black eyes, and missing teeth and thrown them in the slammer even if they didn't deserve it (Mime for a Change, never change!) but here, the pencil and eraser learn their lesson and leave Weeb Bubbles to travel the world and find their true calling in peace. ....wat.

And the funny thing is, more often than not, Weeb Cup's violence works. I was rather surprised considering I was used to Sailor Moon's formulaic approach to the bad guys, that Weeb Cup (I'm sorry I'll call her Kaoru now, lol) Kaoru would be finishing off the monster most of the time even though she wasn't the main main character, Blossom. This was all because she wielded the hammer, so she'd do the most damage and thus have the most impact. How lovely.

Anyway since I am typing so much about PPGZ, yes while I was rewatching PPG I also rewatched PPGZ and found that, perhaps since I am older that it was far harder to sit through this time around. The plots are just so childish and juvenile! The plots are also played so straight it's not funny. When a lot of media does its best to subvert expectations and you return to an old show where it does nothing of the sort at all it really doesn't age well. I mean, why are half the episodes about inanimate objects coming to life attempting to gain my sympathy because some people don't want to use them anymore? Why is the other half about love? Every named character and its dog (YES, LITERALLY THE TALKING DOG) falls in love or is the subject of love at some point of the show. About the only characters who aren't are the Rowdyruff Boys, but you try telling that to the ninety percent of fanfiction writers for both of these shows! (I wanted to read some nostalgic fanfiction and well, to say I was frustrated is putting it very lightly. There's a huge reason I never really involved myself in the fandom) Regardless of all these facts, there are like, a handful of episodes I still enjoy and plenty of concepts I found interesting the PPGZ did that the original never did. Like for instance, Sedusa! Because she was basically a walking censorship slip she didn't show up very often in PPG, but in PPGZ she got a pretty interesting backstory and a Jekyll and Hyde take on her existence. I also like her design a whole lot in PPGZ, which helps. This has led to me pretty much enjoying every single Sedusa episode in PPGZ, which I can't really say the same for in PPG. (The PPG ones were sure suggestive though P: )

Princess also was given a reason for her villainy (aside from the stupid plot point in the beginning that is the origin for practically every hero and villain in the show >_>) and for whatever deranged reason I really like her older sister, Miko Shirogane. (Or Duchess as the dub calls, not fond of it) I don't know if it's because her name is Miko and she's purple like another amazing purple Miko I like, or that she's a ridiculous super another amazing purple Miko I like, or that she's cunning, conniving and ultimately won in the end in her one spotlight episode another amazing purple Miko I like...I WONDER WHAT THE REASON IS? But my god, is she deliciously cunning. What a manipulative bastard. Her design is really nice too. I feel like she overshadowed Princess' presence (which I think is the point, but I mean in the way that I like her more even though Himeko has the character development/backstory stuff, or in other words far more depth) I'M SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHEN I DEVELOPED SUCH A WEIRD TASTE IN CHARACTERS.

But in the end the best part about PPGZ is WEEB CUP er I mean, Kaoru. I'm not actually fond of shows explaining away tomboys by giving them a family full of masculine influence, what with Kaoru having only male siblings and looking up to her wrestler father. (A certain cartoon by the name of Weekenders does this to the extreme with Lor's thirteen fourteen sixteen indeterminate amount of brothers) I mean granted, you could explain my own tomboy phase by the lack of feminine influence as a child, but still. There are plenty of reasons people may become a tomboy and it's not such an obvious easy explanation like this, but asking for anything more complicated or intelligent from such a stereotypical mahou shoujo anime is probably pushing it. But wow, my crush on Kaoru back in the day was intense. I mean, I probably didn't mention it as much as my crush on Kazumi or whatever (My type is either, characters I love to the point of LOVE, seriously, or characters I find intriguing and interesting. For example, Miko is a crush love, where I think she is the greatest thing since sliced cheese, whereas Weiss is someone I find endlessly fascinating and wish to write all the things for. You won't see me trying to write a story about Miko. Though I dunno if this example is entirely accurate since I saw a lovely picture of Weiss in a boyish outfit once and declared her my husbando...)

Oh, I am super digressing. WELL. I really like androgynous characters okay. Even normally girly, feminine characters dressed in male-traditional outfits will bring such a reaction from me.


I forgot to mention the most glaring flaw of Dance Pantsed. WHY DOES BUBBLES HAVE ICE BREATH? WHO DECIDED THIS MADNESS? THIS IS BLOSSOM'S SPECIAL UNIQUE POWER YOU DIMWITS! YOU DIMIWITTED DIMWITS! She even used it more than once to emphasize the fact that it was Bubbles' unique power for whatever reason. Blossom meanwhile was shooting lasers out of every orifice.


Well at least Buttercup didn't have anything special, as per usual. (Poor OG Cup...)

...y'know, I'm wondering why with the sole exception of Hetalia, that my tastes starting with Negima all became shows and games with predominantly female casts. Okay, I love Dangan Ronpa and that's pretty even, but even with it, I seem to be attracted to stuff with tons of females in it. You know the reason why? Because even though I grew up a tomboy and despised all things girly, I've been and likely always will be, a romantic at heart. And not a generic romantic by enjoying all the romantic comedy movies in the world, but specifically when one girl likes another girl and my mind explodes. And super specifically an ANIME girl liking another ANIME girl because that's just how weeb my tastes are. Egads.

If it ain't Anime or animesque, I don't give one flying fuck about the romance. This includes every and all cartoons as well as live-action thingies. Well okay, I have that hopeless PinkieShy pursuit that will never go anywhere and has been crushed countless times by not only canon but the hundreds of thousands of fans that have declared their love and support for everything that breaks this pair, but ponies look kind of Anime-ish anyway! And it's a very small part of why I enjoy MLP. It's not like RWBY where shipping is partly the saving grace. I genuinely enjoy MLP as it is even if its more recent seasons have been becoming more and more bizarre and cartoony. So I become all the more frustrated no matter how hypocritical it may be when it feels like the only reason a fandom exists for something is the shipping. "I want to discuss how this episode impacted so-and-so character" "OMFG BUTTERCUPXBUTCH!" "..." This problem existed during my Nickelodeon tween sitcom phase (I will not claim my tastes are ones of high quality >_>) when all everyone cared about was this female character with this male character and that female with that male and ARGH. Even if the show isn't that objectively good I still want to talk about how the show handled this and that, but noooo. 

So anyway that meant I obviously ran into a very strange double problem when I did ship something and wanted to read stuff about it but ran into the MOUNTAINS AND SCORES of stories for this other ship. I mean, OG PPG? Fine. Whatever. I have a small collection of general or horror or adventure or humor fanfictions I can flee towards. If you ship the PPG with the RRB and want to swim in the fifty billion fanfictions about them, fine, go ahead. BUT WHY WOULD THIS BE THE CASE IN PPGZ!? The RRBZ are children like five years younger than the girls and all they do is be rude, inconsiderate and gross. At least the OG RRB had like, the ability to punch people and such. The weeb boys? They're just...immature schoolchildren. They have no superpowers. The incompetent weeb Mojo created incompetent RRB. It's so very sad and tragic. It's even more sad and tragic that despite their godawful disappointing adapted selves, that PPGxRRB fics still take up ninety perfect of the category. I just don't...why? Just why? WHY? WHY!? I know I am being melodramatic, but that's what I do on this blog and I truly feel as if this PPGxRRB thing is some sort of divine punishment for whatever sin I committed in my past life. It's just so PREVALENT. It's everywhere! By this logic maybe I should like it too when everyone in the world seems to enjoy it, yet I do not! And now, since FFnet's filters are some of the least useful around, my only hope to find non-RRB stories is to SIMPLY BROWSE past them, and I swear I could almost feel physical pain having to go through pages and pages and summaries and summaries of these stupid boys, over and over and over and over and over again! I'm sorry if you happen to like them, BUT GAAAAAAAH! RAAAAAGGH! WAGRAGVGE@ HFBSBSJFSBDHfAF HFGYWEUQ~


Ah, KaoruxMiyako. I love this ship. They're like a non-douchebag version of the original Mahou Shoujo girl ship, NeptunexUranus! (I would've liked them if they weren't douchebags. I swear) Oh what's this? A Deviantart group? With five images? Oh what's this, some fanfics? Around six or seven? 

And then I look across the grass and see all the happy hoppy people sharing and laughing on their giant cruiser of a yacht, hanging around the PPGxRRB. It's so lonely on this floating tiny little raft.

Anyway if someone really likes PPG and is disappointed I spent most of this ranting about PPGZ for some reason, well what do you expect? It's inevitable. I like them both, even if I can't sit through most of PPGZ anymore. It's got the crush and the ship, which is a huge factor to my fandoms while PPG is nostalgia and childhood, which isn't as much (but I still love it in the pure, "I WAS THE TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC OMG!" sense) And if you've read this blog before, I can spend so many words ranting about ships and crushes over nostalgia shows without those two factors, so I mean...

This has been Spotto.


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July 2017

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