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I wanted to embarrass you all.
But, I will save you the embarrassment and instead EMBARRASS MYSELF. Behold people, FANFICTIONS FROM ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD SPOTTO...on a WINDOWS 98 LAPTOP!
I have here....NEOPETS fanfiction! LF2 fanfiction! (That's right! I wrote them in 2002 hahaha) REDWALL fanfiction! Original fiction about fantasy! I will not post the entire thing and just put in excerpts.
I warn you, beyond these borders are horrific stories where punctuation does not exist! Stories with such retarded plots and absolutely ridiculous....stuff, that your eyes will burn, but if you wish to be amused and laugh at me then this is the place for you!
Btw Cheese, I went to your old fanfiction account after finding out I reviewed one of yours. (The ONLY one, apparently.) I found that one story hilarious actually, and I'm surprised to this day that no one but I reviewed it because it seemed a lot funnier than the crack I wrote back then. Anyway, let's do this!
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Excerpt from "Lupi Adventures"
While Rasko, Spark, and Gelert made the shop Lupi went to the snowager. Lupi said “ Be calm he’s sleeping now just 3 neggs must get it man what if he notices me? what if he sees me? I won’t make it out alive if that happens c’mon Lupi your a lupe a fire lupe nothing can stop you nope nothing” Lupi walked quietly into he cave and took 3 neggs the snowager awakened and tried to blast ice at Lupi! Lupi drops the neggs and ducks. The snowager tried to hit Lupi with his freezing tail Lupi bit it thankful that he has his weapons with him took out his grand lightning beam shot it at the snowager the snowager got surprised with Lupi running out with the 3 neggs.
This story is horrible, but these Neopets still exist. Just search for "Spotme456" on Neopets to take a look! I remember the Snowager was this gigantic snake or something, and when I was young I was terrified of it. My fondest memory of Neopets was the horrificly violent series about the staff members being brutally murdered in a hotel room in Terror Mountain. People were crushed, boiled to death, cut in half, beheaded, poisoned, etc. IT WAS AWESOME. I was not terrified about this at all! Unlike that snake.
Excerpt from "The Token of Doom"
The dragon said “ My name is Gabriel The Great dragons call me that for I am a brave one I saved the dragons from the most feared animal, the mole monster” “ The Mole Monster?” said Ryan. Gabriel said “ Yes these things are bigger than us can blast both fire and ice hate those creatures you know keep going East and your going to have to face them my friend” “ Do you breath out fire?” asked Ryan. “ Ah only some dragons breath fire some have lightning and ice except we don’t breath these out the Mole Monster however is very power it also has dark energy to blast at us I kindly ask you not to remind me about his so vicious” said Gabriel. Camry said “ All we ask is food not a huge long explanation” The free went in the cave and saw furniture and stuff in the cave there was even a colour TV.
This was probably my very first original fiction. I wrote it because I was learning about Mesopotamian, Egyptian, Roman, etc. history at that age and apparently I was very interested. Of course you can't tell this is set in the Middle East (kind of) with that excerpt because there were no DRAGONS AND MOLE MONSTERS. The story was set in 2003 and yet a colour TV was really special for some reason.
Excerpt from "Flexer"
Flex and the rest were chained up AGAIN! I mean they escape they get recaptured then what’s the point of escaping if you keep getting recaptured after that??....anyway on to the story of me and my son heehee.
Flex shouted to Huntdi “ Huntdi you can chain us up all you want but I have only one purpose of this season to get out of these chains and kill you! it’s my goal all I am hoping to do so watch out Huntdi you should’ve killed me while you can or you’re dead instead!” Huntdi chuckled evilly” Muhahahaha! if you think you can kill me you are crazy! I am the unstoppable Huntdi! nobody stops me for doing what I like! so shut up little pathetic fox there is no way that you will kill me cause I’m UNSTOPABLE!” Spotflash the Fox heard the yell “Dad” from Flex he checked where they heard it.
This is a very VERY old fanfiction. It sounds like a horrible furry fanfic, haha. I was very much into anthromorphic creatures back then, and I'm sure many children were/are. This is a Redwall fanfic with like, my own crappy OCs haha. Can you tell Spotflash is ME!? But Male. Spotflash was also my name on Runescape, which I played when I was twelve. My god I was so stupid back then.
Excerpt from "A Hobo that is a Hamster"
The cat said “ Hey where am I? where’s Rudolf is he gone because that’s good.” Hobo said “ what are you saying ? isn’t Rudolf you’re king you must do what he says?” The cat said “ No he’s a stupid tyrant I hate him I was forced to work for him by the way my name is dumdum Rudolf named me that cause I’m not a quick thinker so um where am I?” “ So that means all the cats are good but made bad by Rudolf?” “ yes” said the cat. Hammy said “ so dumdum where do you really come from?” “ I come from Cat Town I was forced to go to war and ended up here” “ We could use a cat like you, dumdum” said Hobo “ Duh please call me mudmud that’s my nickname ok?” “Ok dumdum I mean mudmud” said Hammy.
No this is not LF2 fanfiction. It's actually an original fiction about my VERY first hamsters! I have no clue why I named the evil cat after an awesome video game character, but my preferences were very different as I will explain below. Anyway I also borrowed Hamtaro from Hamtaro and made him like this epic hero from the past that everyone loved. Apparently my influence from Redwall worked into all my fictions, lol. ANYWAY. A CAT NAMED DUMDUM. REALLY, eleven-year-old ME!? Dumdum!? NOT DUMBASS OR CAT SHIT OR...well, I was eleven. Mudmud is not better either. Oh well, better than naming a female after a car.
Excerpt from "Little Fighter 13"
John slept on the bench. He woke up at the middle of the night. John said " Who's there?" " Ooooh" said some voice. John said " What do you want?" A figure appeared " It's me I am here to tell you to escape it's truly the right thing to do" John said " But" The figure said " The others need you hell the whole city needs you but most of all your friends need you" John said " Well maybe that's the reason there are no guards here" The figure said " Everybody is trapped by the Dark Master you're there only hope don't do for them do it for yourself" John said " You convinced me but who are you?" The figure said " That's for me to know and you to find out" The figure left but he dropped his bowtie on the way. John woke up " Was it a dream?" He took the keys with a stick he reached and escaped. After he left there was a bow tie on the floor.
THIS FANFIC MAKES ME CRINGE. Horribly. I had to force myself to put this here. When I was twelve my favourite Little Fighter was John BY FAR, and then Firen and Freeze etc. etc. In fact, Henry had only ONE line in all my stories and it was: Henry sad "Ok." I TYPO'D SAID! Also Rudolf was like not there, so you can see how my preferences change. Anyway in this horrible story John became Megaman and stole everyone's powers because I liked him or something. ....YEAH. That's how dumb it was. Ugh, I just can't say anything about this.
Excerpt from "Spotflash the Warrior Fox!"
Knox said “ Dumb fox jumping in front of Spotflash glad he’s dead glad he’s dead! Nitclaw get over here!!!!!!” Nitclaw said “ Yes sire?” “ You are my new captain Nitclaw you’re also in charge for the day but it better be good or else!! I need a new plan a plan that won’t fail a plan that is UNSTOPPABLE
ya see. And I want you to make a plan just like that and if it succeeds then extra chicken and seaweed ale for you” Said Knox. Nitclaw said “ Yes Captain I’ll do whatever you say mmmm Seaweed Ale me favourite yumm.” said Nitclaw. “ We aren’t pirates tho but we love Seaweed Ale! now shut p and get to work.” commanded Knox.
I am totally awesome. I live in a furry land killing foxes. This is actually the prequel to the story up there. I have the tendency to start sequels before the first story is even finished. Anyway this story is also ridiculous, but eh. WHAT WOULD SEAWEED ALE TASTE LIKE? I actually want to try it. I guess there's not much to say about this. :X
Excerpt from "Spot's Adventure Before Christmas"
Back at home Nicky, Spot’s youngest sister said “I got this new toy it’s called a baby beanie gun it says it really works
I want to try it on Spot when he comes home” well Nicky forgot to ask mom what the warning says: DO NOT SHOOT THIS AT OTHER DOGS IT REALLY HURTS!!! Evelyn, Spot’s 2nd youngest baby sister said “ Good idea we can test it on Spot” Willy, Spot’s dad said “ why waste your time on toys when you can watch FOOTBALL?” Sally came in and said “ Nap time! babies come in to your rooms!” Sally went to watch Passions, a soap opera
Then Mitzy called and said “ I’m going to cut the TV line so we can fix the lights line then I’ll cut the phone line then we can watch Days of our Lives after Passions which is a stupid soap opera” Sally shouted “ Passions is not STUPID! Days of our lives is STUPID!” Mitzy replied “ Hey! passions is stupid it’s not like Days of our Lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” “ Hey! you dumb doorknob!!!!”, Mitzy called. “PASSIONS SUCKS!” Sally was so mad at mixty she hanged up on her and said to herself passion is a good show and nobody dares to insult it.
Remember when I spoke about those characters I made and roleplay with my brother, which also led to my name becoming Spot? I actually wrote fanfiction about it...when I was ELEVEN. This story was marked 2002. My brother watched a lot of Soaps so I threw them in this really dumb story, but anyway...I'm going to insult someone with "YOU DUMB DOORKNOB!!!" someday. Yeah, Spot really is a buttmonkey.
Excerpt from "The Black Dragons from the Lost Lagoon"
Nicky Commanded “ Hammy! your on diet! daddy says if your so fat like Evelyn you might explode like throwing up! now give me those sunflower seeds.” Spot said “ I’m bored c’mon let’s go fly.” The dragons with creatures on their backs flew around looking for Drags father as Daniel saw a small cave in the night. Daniel said “ It’s getting dark there’s a cave we’ll sleep there over night.” Nicky said “ Are there nuts and yummy berries with seeds? good for the Ham hams.” “ All I want now is something to eat. Now! I want food now you have to you know!” whined Spot. Drag said “ I brought food but it’s dragon food you wouldn’t want it how about these berries nuts and seeds that I found I’m pretty sure there not poisonous.” “ Just want I asked for “said Nicky. “ Who’s there?” said a mysterious voice. Drag said “ We are just harmless creatures looking for my father where are you? who are you? where do you come from? what are you?” “ One question at a time lad I am Gordon the Magician I live in this cave. I’m behind this rock”
HAI I AM ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD SPOT AND I WRITE RETARDED STORIES ABOUT ANIMALS LOLOLOL.
So this appears to be a crossover between my hamsters and my dalmatian family dumbasses with DRAGONS! Zomfg. I actually realize today that none of my hamsters were that fat actually...I've seen lots of pictures of even fatter hamsters out there. I just called them fat because they were always with a skinnier hamster...must've been the sharing of food. Also a Dragon named Drag. I'm really good at naming things.
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Okay, those are excerpts from stories between 2002 and 2003! SO, now I'm going to dig through a few more recent ones from 2003 to 2005! They include Beyblade, LF2, B-Daman, and some original stories. HERE WE GO AGAIN!
By the way, most of my fanfiction that was hosted on Fanfiction.net are completely gone once my computer disappeared. So no excerpts from those unfortunately. :C
Excerpt from "A Girly Stalker"
Tala turned a corner and saw a couple of people. Kenny and Brooklyn. Kenny was threatening a bird with a knife and Brooklyn was screaming at him like crazy. Suddenly, all three of them heard a spooky voice.
"Hello! :3 I be's a ghost!"
"AHHHHHH!!! HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!" The three tried to run but they were paralysed!
"Hehe. Play with me!!!!"
"I don't have time for your stupid games. I'm leaving." Tala said.
"Not like you CAn leave! but I will let you go if you play with me! HEEHEE!!!" The ghost giggled.
Kenny frowned, "Like what? Hunting birds?"
"HEY!!" Brooklyn yelled, so wanting to move to strangle Kenny into pieces.
"No, silly!!! We play DRESS UP!!!"
"DRESS UP!!!" All the boys yelled in unison.
"YEP! Here, wear this pretty dress Brookie!!!!" The ghost yelled and stuck a pink frilly dress on Brooklyn.
Brooklyn cried, "No! My sanity will leave me because of this! No! Sanity! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!!!!"
"From the looks of it, it seems like they DID leave already." Kenny noticed.
"SANITY!!! I MUST CONFESS!!! I LOVE YOU!!! I'm sorry I lost you when battling Takao! I'M SO SORRY SANITY!!!!!"
"Ok...can we please move on?"
The ghost frowned, "Yeah, Tala, you get to wear one of my favourites! A HILARY SKIRT!!!!"
"AAAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You might know this story from Fanfiction.net! Actually it's still there, I think. Hahaha. Yes, my crack Beyblade stories....
....how on earth did I make fandom friends from this? Oh well. These don't seem TOO bad, but earlier stuff that were sadly deleted unfortunately do not exist anymore.
Excerpt from "The Green Midget, Chapter 2"
Suddenly, the slice of bitten cheese was dropped. Down, down the slice went, onto the dirty carpet. The midget suddenly looked a bit green, "I don't feel so good.."
The lights went open all of the sudden, and Rei stood there in his pajamas, gasping, "OH MY GOD! IT'S THE GREEN MIDGET!!!!"
A surprising 'f***' came from the midgets mouth as he frantically tried to escape in pain. Rei sneered at the midget, "Bothering me when I'm in my jammies! THIS IS AN INSULT! I don't work when I get into my jammies! Why isn't the government democratic here? I SHOULD SUE!!! Why should my job take over my damn life?!?"
This story I believe was posted...on the old old forums? I'm not quite sure. Anyway, yes this was about Kiki/Kevin, a green midget and the adventures of Trenchcoat Max and his team of investigators! Also his alter-alterego Maxman! I should draw these guys again. I really liked their design despite my shitty artwork. ANYWAY< DO NOT STEP ON THE GRASS!
Excerpt from "Mommy, I Scraped my Knee!"
Kai: I'm surrounded by morons
Mariam: You said it
Dunga: A BATH IS FUUUNN!! *bath towel falls off him*
Mariam: AHHHH!! *covers eyes*
Kai: *eyes are already closed(usual Kai Pose)* That would've been a scar into my life
Max: That is one sight I didn't need to see *covers eyes*
Tyson: Why is everyone covering their ey-*sees Dunga, faints* X.x
Everyone: PUT THE BATH TOWEL BACK ON, DUNGA!!
Dunga: FINE! But being NAKEY IS FUN TOO-*puts bath towel on*
Mariam: We're all going to have nightmares tonight…
SPLASH!!
*a very wet teacher comes out from the washroom*
Teacher: All of you get to bed.
*Rei comes out*
Rei: :D! I feel squeaky clean! BURP!
Max: SIR DUCKTONS!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
This is a story I co-wrote with "MISTY-KIKI-GIRL!" Otherwise known as Kiki today. 8D It was also on fanfiction.net, but one of the many fanfics that was deleted by the admins. This was the sole story I managed to save unfortunately, but oh well. Anyway, now I remember those in-jokes like Dunga's...Bob. I think a soccer ball...or a coconut. Nonetheless...this fanfiction is the last piece of the old days so it's very much cherished! Despite how rather....you know, ridiculous it was.
RANDOM SHORT EXCERPTS FROM A BUNCH OF OTHER STORIES BECAUSE THERE'S TOO MANY!!!
The CABIN
Max: Dude, I have like, a rash
Takao: Dude, you do?
Max: Yeah dude, it’s big and purple, dude.
Takao: Dude, that’s gross.
Max: I know dude.
Kai: Now please shut up, “dudes”
Rei: AHH!! I GOT POISON IVY!
Max: DUDE I GOT A RASH!! Wanna see?
Rei: no thank you, Max.
Max: Who’s Max?
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”OMG! YOU’RE KAI’S SISTER?!?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!” Garland screamed, obviously mishearing what the ghost said.
”NO YOU IDIOT!!! I DIED in a TWISTER!!! So if you dig me up, my biggest fears will come! But if you leave me there, I will be trapped, dreaming of life forever!!!!” The ghost shrieked. It broke some gravestones, enabling more spirits to be freed.
Garland said, “Well, you SOUND like Kai’s sister…”
”I have no siblings! Though my last name IS Hiwatari, but that’s none of your darn fuggernutted business!”
”Fuggernutted?! You like Fuggernutty Cereal too?! OH MY GOSH!! Nobody I knew liked it because it tended to go out of control and splat on your face!!!” Garland yelled, screaming like a crazy fangirl at the same time.
The ghost screamed, “OH MY GOSH! Fuggernutty Cereal is like, THE BEST! We shall spread it to the world, by feeding everybody FUGGERNUTTED CEREAL!!!”
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The blonde picked up the phone, dialing 16 numbers because of the very ancient phone Rei owned.
”Hello? Oh hi Keeks. No, wait, hey! Don’t hang up on me! Ok, ok! I won’t call you Keeks! Now Kiki, can I speak to-WILL YOU STOP COMPLAINING I ALREADY SAID I WON’T CALL YOU KEE- Hey! Are you eating the pho-GAO! ACK! NO I DON’T WANT TO PURCHASE A PINK SCARF MAO! STOP WHINING!! I Don’T HAVE MONEY! SHUT UP! LET ME SPEAK TO REI! HELLO?!?! HEY!! NO! I’M NOT BEING RUDE! I DIDN’T SAY I WANTED TO SPEAK TO THE ELDER!!! NO! I AM NOT RUDE! YOU PEOPLE ARE RUDE! Hey! No, Don’t SUE ME! HEY! HELLO?! IS THERE ANYONE SANE LIVING THERE?!?! Oh, hi Rei, sorry about that.”
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....OTHER FANDOMS NOW!
Excerpt from "Versus"
This isn’t a play fight anymore; we can hurt each other now.
Each time I try, my mind sets me back. It always makes me want to know why John is just so…different. It confuses me how Deep always keeps these damned secrets within him, frustrating all the idiots within our group. Though I must admit, orphan-boy does have talents. I underestimated John a lot.
I remember when we were young; I used to call Louis, “Louie” for some reason. We played with each other a lot. We both loved soccer. Of course, when we were both discovered of “magical powers” and “abnormal skills”. Our bond broke, we had to leave to other places to learn how to control and use these powers. Now the question remains, which of us is better?
This is one of my longest stories, and I actually sent it to I think Ami once. Haha I'm sorry I asked you to read such horrible writing, but uhm, yeah. Can you guess who the character is? Probably not. It's Freeze, lol. BUT STORY IS STILL BAD. I seem to like making my favourite character Mary-Sues. "HAI I IS ORPHAN WHOSE BROTHER IS EVIL PERSON, WHOSE FATHER IS THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL. I CAN"T REMEMBER MY PAST THOUGH AND EVERYONE HATES ME BAWWW." Or...something. Actually his personality was kind of boring...
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NOW...a few stories from 2006-2008, about like three, then finally two in 2009/10! And then this extremely long post will hopefully end. 8D
Excerpt from "A Fulfilling Past"
”What the hell?” Cain suddenly blurted out. A creature whacked at his head to Cain’s surprise. They were not supposed to talk and Cain was utterly annoyed at that action. He had the urge to whack back at the creature, but would not due to his arms being bound.
Gray, who was not far from him whispered, “You’re not allowed to talk too loud. Someone who was watch-out didn’t do their job and now we’re captured or something. Just be quiet and wait to see what they’re going to do before we attempt anything.”
”…and I should listen to you because?” Cain asked back in a louder voice. He got hit the head again, “You son of a-!” Suddenly, one of them gagged him.
Oh Battle B-Daman. I shared this fandom with Shiroi. We had this huge roleplay that's saved on Gmail. Good times. Anyway I have like a million stories on the fandom, all with the same basic premise. I have one crack one: A scripted songfic where everyone is in a band. Anyway this fanfiction was an AU in like, the Middle Ages with swordfighting and knights and kingdoms and shit. I have a few AUs from various fandoms taking place at that time.
Excerpt from "Red"
She had been away from home for almost two months, working at a small farm to make some money at every opportunity she got. Today was the day she would get to go home and see her dad after all this time. Even though they had traded letters throughout this little fiasco, Yuuna had deeply missed her father, who was the only one caring for her all her life. She never knew her mother, and her papa rarely spoke about her, but when he did, it was always about her mother’s wonderful laugh that Yuuna seemed to share.
Their bond was unbreakable, and Yuuna was literally clinging onto her father’s leg two months ago when they learned that they were nearing bankruptcy. In order to earn some money, Yuuna had reluctantly agreed to go to the country-side and aid some elderly farmers who hired random youths like her to help around the farm. Yuuna knew she was being rather silly and paranoid, but whenever she parted from her father, she felt like she’d never see him again.
This fanfiction was the story of that plot I posted on this blog sometime ago. A plot Aoi-dono seemed to REALLY like...unfortunately I didn't really get far with this one. (ALL THE STORIES I HAVE MENTIONED SO FAR ARE ALL COMPLETELY UNFINISHED!) So it also takes place in the Middle Ages with Kazumi, Sayo, and Yuuna as the main characters. Heh, if only I had kept writing this one...
Excerpt from "News Hound"
In BIG BOLD letters, showed the headline:
BAKA RANGERS FAIL YET AGAIN
”Asakura Kazumi!” The voice of a beautiful clad young woman screamed inside the office of the Yukihiro Towers that evening.
“Err…boss? Is it a good first page story?” A redheaded female standing in front of the desk that seated the clad young woman asked.
The blonde executive growled, “Nobody cares about the Baka Rangers anymore! They fail and fail and fail! They all, especially the pink one, fail at life! My newspaper needs a story about a young cute boy for once!”
THE ORIGIN STORY OF...Dogger! I want to draw her again too, and draw an epic DOGGER VS. MAXMAN battle...but eh, when I'm not lazy maybe. I originally called her News Hound...but that sounded retarded. Then again Dogger sounds like a sex position, SO....that isn't much better. I didn't post any excerpts from fanfiction I already have on LJ, like WIOC, the Animal story, or SAILOR CRACK KU FEI MOON. But yeah!
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And now...my most recent stories! 2009-2010!
Excerpt from "Children of War"
The forces Canada brought back with him were few, but that was to be expected. Japan took no prisoners, and if he did…their fate was likely much worse. Hong Kong had heard of the rumours about those camps…if only he never did. The brutality from someone he once considered a brother only brought more fear to his eyes…and finally those eyes set upon that fear when Japan came over the hill just behind Canada…
The time was now. It would only be foolish to continue resisting, and the last thing Hong Kong needed was more casualties, especially to the civilians. He limped away from his spot, where he had been watching the battle for a few days now, heading straight to the very fear he tried to avoid. He walked pass Canada, their eyes finding the other, and all Hong Kong saw was guilt. Canada knew he came unprepared, and he wished he had somehow succeeded, but in that gaze he saw that Hong Kong was thankful, not angry. The young British Colony finally walked by him and now was beyond saving.
ONE OF MY HORRIBLE ATTEMPTS AT A HETALIA FANFICTION HAHAHAHAHA. I have like so few fanfictions from Hetalia, mostly because everything has been provided to me by RP so far. I read RP, not fanfiction. I MYSELF roleplay, not write fanfiction of this fandom. A bit of a change eh? I actually have many attempts on my computer trying to write that era in history with Hong Kong. I've daydreamed so much about it but haven't been able to translate anything into text successfully so far. How unfortunate. :C
....and finally.
Excerpt from "Untitled-2"
The power in his grasp was so great, that he was eager to just let it off right now, but he knew that if he managed even more power, more of those creatures would be wiped out, and he only had one chance to do this after all. Finally after a few more seconds, Henry knew if he held the bow any longer it would break, and the creatures would start to sense some danger nearby. He pulled the arrow back, and...
FWOOSH!
Immediately many of the creatures turned to see what was happening behind them, only to see a screaming archer on fire all of the sudden dash into the crowd of demons, setting them on fire as well! The chain reaction caused a huge ring of fire surrounding Rudolf and Freeze, who were absolutely stunned at how out of the blue it was to see fire suddenly swarm through the entire horde of enemies.
LF2. I've written fanfiction for it AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN. Eight years later...STILL WRITING! This is a story I'm currently working on. Only Akira knows of it. She likes replacing Henry with Pit from Kid Icarus. Nonetheless, I wonder if I've improved from the 2006 days of writing. I feel like after learning how to punctuate my writing never improved, just stayed steady...maybe even worse. Who knows? Ah well...
If you have read this all, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I had fun putting this up, but my caffeine-rush kind of died halfway through lol. Ah well....memories will be memories.....
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ALSO, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY AMI!