MAGICAL MYSTERY CURE MOTHERFUCKERS

 I think Hasbro's motto is "ALWAYS FUCK UP FLUTTERSHY"

Because seriously? Fluttershy recolours? Or Flutterclones or Flutter reskins or however you want to call it!? I mean any background pony you can recolour all you like if you lack budget to make something unique, but NOT FLUTTERSHY DAMNIT. SHE'S PART OF THE MANE SIX SHE IS A MAIN CHARACHEHREBHBFnsggfgdgf

Yes I am aware at how ridiculous it is that I am raging about this and nothing else in the episode (which was like a 60 minute episode at 3x speed, HOLY CRAP was it rushed) but first Fluttershy doesn't get her own mold in the blindbags, then doesn't get her own separate release with the toys, then gets the balding plushie and she is now the first pony to get ridiculous recolours in the show, and not just like ONE but a group of ponies or whatever. Whaaaaaaat? 

I don't even know.

On the other hand I loved Pinkie in this episode...because she was sad, and only she looked different physically...which makes her look a lot more depressing than the others. (And they went to her last, which means no scene where Pinkie could help out Fluttershy) And also because she was last, no solo in the song and thus NO SONGS (unless you count the two lines in the première) for the entire season. Oh Pinkie, you were supposed to be the singing one. Why they give you no songs? And Rarity no episodes? And clone Fluttershies? And Spike two episodes!? WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!? 

...oh well. This is only my initial thoughts of course, ONCE I CALM DOWN I MIGHT BE MORE RATIONAL BUT FOR NOW LET ME FOAM AT MY MOUTH

AFJDKFNJFJERJEHETJHJTGJHGGHGHGHHHHDJHFH

Best Pinkie episode ev- what do you mean this wasn't a Pinkie episode?

Oh boy.

That was a finale alright.

She is now above lowly unicorns, pegasi, and especially filthy mud ponies! By Gray--Day
And since it was a finale it must be compared to the OTHER two finales! First and foremost everyone already knew what was going to happen at the end because of the Hub's relentless and unmerciful spoilers, so I'm not going to go into how surprised and shocked I am or whatever. I do wonder what would've happened if such a revelation was a complete surprise because I think the fandom would be burnt to the ground by now if that was the case. Perhaps the blatant promotion of Twilight the Alicorn Princess was actually some clever ploy to control the nature of the fan's fury...so by the time the episode rolls around they're tired of raging and going batshit insane or complaining about the complaining of the very big, very unprecedented, and very controversial change fans initially did not want to take.

Nonetheless, I'm here to review the episode objectively...and not objectively...because I am a fangirl at heart. Let's get through the analysis side of things first! The most obvious difference between this episode and the rest that made it clearly the finale was the over-abundance of SONG. The Best Night Ever was foreshadowed and anticipated over the course of the first season. Canterlot Wedding was, again, relentlessly promoted to death and became a Disney-esque two-parter. The nature of this finale though was similar to season two's finale, in that something completely out of left field entered the picture. For season two it was Twilight's sudden brother and a brand new alicorn...and for season three it's Twilight suddenly a princess! I wonder then, what kind of bombshell will land for season four's finale because it has A LOT of out of the blue, absolutely random things to outshine.

 

But like many of season three's episodes, especially the more plot-relevant ones...it was rushed. Not just normally rushed or "we rushed the ending because we filled up too much of the rest" but just...the ENTIRE episode was rushed. I already knew from the get-go with all the spoilers they were releasing how rushed this episode was probably going to be...and it was, well, rushed. Something as ground breaking an event like this truly needs a two-parter...what we got to saw was like some sort of hour-long musical trying to summarize the events of ALL OF HISTORY. There was no need to even set up the episode, the conflict was presented in the cold open itself...which doesn't happen every often in any series really (that has a cold open). And the episode did not need to be rushed...the actual cutie-mark swap plot was interesting (to me, anyway) and I hoped there would be far more spotlight on that, but then Twilight's coronation took up half the episode as well, so it felt less like Twilight fixing her friends and more like the whole purpose of the beginning was just to set up Twilight's ascension to godhood, which well...it was. ...and that's disappointing. I wanted the episode to focus on the cutie-mark swap itself, as opposed to using it as a stepping stone for Hasbro's dastardly marketing plans. That was a waste of a concept for sure.

The songs...most of the songs were just unnecessary. This felt like Crystal Empire syndrome all over again. Yeah I get it, it was a musical episode, but the music was like 80% of the episode and dialogue took up 20%. I think in a real musical the ratio is far less skewed. If it was going to be a musical episode I think the entire episode should have been musical because the episode length was too short to somehow discern between musical parts and not musical parts to make it a real musical or to make it feel rather awkward. Basically Finding a Pet for the entire episode, singing everything that ever occurs...like a song detailing Twilight's reaction to her becoming a princess as opposed to "EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE GUYS EVEN THOUGH THIS HAPPENED SO BLOODY FAST YAY WHOO!"

From DESBEAR to ENBEARED... I'm sorry, I'll show myself out.

Well the most unnecessary songs were the first and last songs, arguably second last. Twilight coming out of her house singing and dancing and forcing other ponies' to join in was far too Pinkie-like and very unlike Twilight. I'd prefer if she came out, saw Rarity and then sang a "WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY FRIENDS!?" song, or again, started the episode like AN ACTUAL MUSICAL as opposed to Twilight being in ABSOLUTE BLISS because EVERYTHING IS CERTAINLY FINE without any context whatsoever. Basically Twilight is singing FOR NO REASON because NOTHING is happening and THAT IS GREAT...really no purpose to the song except so she can have a reprise later. Then she tap-dances on the table and peagsi fly over her in perfect harmony. THIS IS PINKIE'S SHTICK DAMNIT. If you wish to sing, maybe something like "It feels like today's going to be a good day and I've never been so happy from some strange premonitionnnnnn...wtfRarityyy?" ah well. I'll stop complaining about the purpose of the music and why it was there...because overall I LOVED the music. I especially loved the "wtf should I do!?" song by Twilight, quite beautiful, the song where all the ponies get their cutie-marks back, and Celestia's song. That was pretty awesome how she began singing herself!

My only problem with the music itself was the pitiful amounts of PINKIE singing! She had a few lines in the "WHY IS LIFE CONFUSING!?" song and then was the only Mane Six without a solo in the "OUR DESTINIES ARE FIXED HOORAH!" song. And yet her few lines in that song was actually quite amazing...Pinkie singing melancholy with a slight southern accent...damn. You don't hear that often at all! If Pinkie does sing she's crazy upbeat about it, but when Pinkamena sings...it was beautiful; her voice stood out among the other singers because of how strange it was for Pinkie not to be singing happily. I applaud Shannon Chan-Kent and Daniel Ingram and of course the writer, M.A. Larson for being able to deliver like that. Still, that line and then her few lines in the première was all Pinkie sang this entire season...which makes me sad because part of Pinkie's character is random singing...ah well, maybe season four will be better in that regard. I certainly hope Smile Smile Smile isn't the end of wonderful Pinkie jingles.

Look at this, look at his beautiful display of failure.

Speaking of which, and yes I've already entered horribly biased fangirl mode...I LOVED Pinkie in this episode as well! Not just her singing, but the return of her flat mane was awesome to see...and without her muted colours or angry relusive-self too! So rather than the return of Party of One Pinkie it was more like pre-Sonic Rainboom Pinkie. She was truly lost in whatever the hell she was trying to do. At least for the others since pegasi normally handle weather, Fluttershy's socially inept as fuck, and AJ's lack of style or magic dexterity gave them reason to fail so spectacularly, but Pinkie was ACTUALLY raised on a farm, albeit a rock farm. Earth ponies are SUPPOSED to know how to farm...so Pinkie really looked like she failed the most out of all of them and it showed. Pinkie's magnificent failure made her so adorable...I daresay more adorable than I've ever seen Fluttershy in ANYTHING, but I can't be sure. You just want to hug her and stroke her and tell her it's going to be okay. The climax of the song with the townsponies all shouting "PINKIE!" was icing on the cake. That was just so heart-warming and I aww'd directly to the emptiest corners of my heart. 8'D

Another undeserved disappointment came from just how the swapped cutie-marks worked. I saw a splendid piece of fanart predicting what the episode might have been like and it looked more like a body or personality swap than just a cutie-mark swap...which was what I expected. Instead every pony is pretty much the same personality-wise, but brainwashed to do activities that make no sense to them. In that case my fading hope for RariPie is no longer fading and perhaps a body-swap episode might be in the works in season four because if I can't get RariPie, I was looking forward to FlutterPie, but all Fluttershy did was attempt some sort of cringe-worthy entertainment. (THAT'S THE JOKE.)

Applejack's singing is wondrous in this song.

Also there was a BOATLOAD of continuity this episode...as there has been all of season three. I love continuity as much as the next person but it was like they were drilling it into our heads. If you keep referring to a known pony as the reason for something or keep calling back to events in the past, it makes Equestria look a lot smaller than it is. Continuity should be mixed with brand new things as well that come out of nowhere and present a sort of mystery of the world. If Starswirl the Bearded is responsible for ALL MAGIC THINGS EVER then it makes no sense that no one cares who the hell he is except the nerdy people because of how ridiculously influential he is. Even people who care nothing about Science know who Einstein is at least, so it's really pushing my suspension of disbelief that Starswirl is constantly referred to in terms of continuity...surely there were OTHER amazing unicorns in the past!

Finally the nature of the swaps themselves. Rainbow Dash's cutie mark is all about GOING FAST. So why isn't Rarity "GOTTA GO FAST!" ? and Rarity's cutie mark is FINDING GEMS, so why isn't AJ digging around everywhere hopelessly? For every other cutie-mark it makes sense but these ones do not. Also the whole farm dying just because of Pinkie? Don't Big Mac and maybe Apple Bloom work on this farm? Did they really just leave her to ruin EVERYTHING? I wonder how much of the economy was wrecked because Celestia wanted to test out Twilight so she could become an alicorn. What if, during this fiasco, a HUGE DRAGON came into town but Fluttershy is too busy failing at making ponies smile, so the dragon just kills EVERYTHING? What if Rarity causes a giant tornado to wreck everything!? What if all the ponies are so unhappy they start moving out or stop working or whatever!? Good lord Ponyville is pretty screwed without these six!

If this is what royal dress looks like I'm glad you're naked most of the time. By =90Sigma

Anyway I suppose this episode ranks better than the Crystal Empire, but not by much. It felt like, especially the ending, a kids show. Now you're probably saying...well it is a kids show, so it should feel like one, but my criticism here is that it feels like ONLY a kids show. What I loved about MLP is how it's an EVERYONE show, and Twilight turning into a frilly alicorny princess is very "GIRLS WILL LOVE THIS!!" kind of thing, but no one else does. The demographic of MLP has always been children and their parents...and parents will probably facepalm (just as the fandom has) at Sparkle's utterly pointless promotion. Well, let's buy the kid some princess merchandise then! It's not like there are three other princesses too and a million other unique and interesting ponies to buy toys of as well! Surely we need Twilight to also become a princess so fans come storming in to BUY ALL THE PURPLE WINGED TOYS YAY! Besides...I was a young girl at some point in my life and I hated girly things because what was presented to us as "girly" was terrible quality-wise...that boys got to be cool superheroes and robots and junk but all our dreams are either to marry, take care of kids, or become a princess....saturated with a flurry of bright obnoxious shades of pink. I do like the theory that Celestia is the princess of day, Luna the princess of night, Cadence the princess of love, and now Twilight has ascended to become the princess of FRIENDSHIP.

In which case, I wonder if the others can ascend and be princesses of things...and how the hell the royalty and kingdom even work in Equestria. Seriously! HOW DOES IT WORK!? Do we just keep going until EVERYONE becomes a princess of something? Do the older princesses ever move on and relinquish their crown to someone else? Maybe in due time some NEW princess of the day will rise and that is the end of Celestia's reign? Maybe a loooooooong time ago there used to be a princess of friendship who disappeared in some way or another, so Celestia/Luna had to figure out a way to use the Elements of Harmony themselves! I have no idea! Trying to justify the reason of Twilight becoming a princess story-wise is going to be a long and tedious activity throughout the so called "off-season" of pony. And goddamnit Twilight you already know how to fly! There goes a potential Rainbow Dash-Twilight episode next season, oh well. Like everything else, concepts and plots go to waste, and we just have to come up with some other story to fill that time slot. I highly expect an episode where Twilight tries to get the townsfolk to treat her normally and not like a god as before. We also won't see anymore RD/Fluttershy DIVING CATCH SAVES anymore because Twilight ALSO has wings! Oh, the number of falling scenarios that have been crushed to oblivion...


Rarity's magic is pretty crazy...yet a shy little kick is all the clouds need to disappear.
So...in comparison to the other finales? Well obviously it was poor in that case. The Gala, again, foreshadowed throughout all of season one, and while the wedding was out of nowhere it was AMAZING, so there's that. But it wasn't as terrible as it could've been considering all the shitstorms that occurred weeks prior, so there's that. The wasted potential of the cutie-mark swap sucked, but I love that it was there at least and Pinkie definitely shined for me, especially since she was terrible in the episode beforehand. (I hated that episode!) So there's my thoughts on the finale all summed up in a kind of neat conclusion.

Season three as a whole? Well it was short...kind of rushed, had way more iffy-episodes than usual...but passable I suppose. Enough for me to keep watching, but definitely a step-down from seasons one and two. Hopefully AKR's return for season four will be better...and the fact that there are twenty-six episodes again. The thing is... premières and finales are usually a shoe-in for if not at least a decent episode, an AMAZINGLY SPECTACULAR episode, but season three failed in all aspects in terms of that. There was only one REALLY good episode, which averages out to be two in a whole season...which I suppose is concurrent with season one, but a huge downgrade from season two AND there were less great episodes than usual. Ah well, a blip in the radar I suppose. If only this coronation-type episode was the movie itself, and the Equestria Games or whatever was the finale. That would've been far more preferable. The season did kind of foreshadow the games from the emergence of the Crystal Empire itself and their hold onto the games...but instead something completely random pops out of nowhere yay! Let's just post the final ratings chart and end this damn post already.

Celestia Tier	Awesome Tier	High Tier	Mid Tier	Meh Tier
The Cutie Mark Chronicles Party of One Luna Eclipsed The Last Roundup A Friend In Deed Hurricane Fluttershy A Canterlot Wedding P.2 Sleepless in Ponyville	Dragonshy Bridle Gossip Swarm of the Century Suited for Success Feeling Pinkie Keen Sonic Rainboom Green Isn't Your Colour The Return of Harmony P.2 May the Best Pet Win Baby Cakes Sweet and Elite Secret of my Excess A Canterlot Wedding P.1 Magic Duel Just For Sidekicks	Applebuck Season Griffon the Brush Off Winter Wrap Up A Dog and Pony Show Over a Barrel The Best Night Ever The Return of Harmony P.1 Lesson Zero Sisterhooves Social The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 It's About Time Ponyville Confidential MMMMystery on the Friendship Express Wonderbolt Academy Keep Calm and Flutter On Magical Mystery Cure	Friendship is Magic P.1 Friendship is Magic P.2 The Ticket Master Look Before You Sleep Fall Weather Friends Stare Master A Bird in the Hoof The Cutie Pox Hearth's Warming Eve Family Appreciation Day Read it and Weep Hearts and Hooves Day Putting Your Hoof Down Dragon Quest Too Many Pinkie Pies One Bad Apple Apple Family Reunion	Boast Busters Call of the Cutie The Show Stoppers Owl's Well That Ends Well The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well The Crystal Empire P.1 The Crystal Empire P.2 Spike at Your Service Games Ponies Play

Best episode of S3: Sleepless in Ponyville
Worst: ...uh...Spike at Your Service I suppose? So many bads. D:

By VladimirMacHolzraum