Dedicated to...
Jun. 18th, 2006 08:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spottoAs I think about the belated birthday present I got from the BIFF, and the very first hug I recieved since before I can remember from a 7-year-old girl, sometimes I think I'm not giving gratitude to what I already have.
I mean, I try to be a nice, good person. People say I'm modest, and yet, sometimes I think I brag too often and my ego's a bit huge, which would contradict my "modest-ness". And yet, I really always hold everything back. They say it isn't healthy to hold in tears or anger, but my parents taught me that showing emotion like that is bad. They yell at me for it, and I don't know why. They can't seem to learn that it's normal.
But sometimes people really make me angry, but they're my friend. What if you had a sensitive friend who would go bonkers from anything negative? I know one, someone stubborn who is actually quite modest, and would think everybody else is much better than her. Sounds like an emo? Possibly, and a lot of people can't stand emos. I don't think she is an emo, I think she just seeks attention. She's rather stubborn, talks about her stuff a lot...actually, everything I just said reminds me of myself too. She reminds me of me, when I was younger. (As cliche as it sounds) Her name is Shiroi.
The BIFF have shown a lot of respect to me, and I feel I still haven't shown the least bit of respect back to them. The last BIFF I have spoken to is Cheese, and I was rambling on and on about video games and how crappy my computer was, and yet, I didn't really give her time to say anything, and that reminds me of Shiroi.
The neighbour who hugged me (7-year-old girl next door I befriended) talked A LOT, she would just NOT shut up and if you attempted to say anything to her, she often interrupts and says something herself, so I sat there and listened...and then it reminded me that I acted this way on the internet a lot. I couldn't listen to people online, yet I'm so quiet and secretive in the real world that I listen very often. I think it's because in real life, everybody has so much to say, yet online, all my friends don't talk very much, and sometimes they do, but I tend to fill up in yakkers.
So I'm dedicating this whole post to Shiroi, who is exactly like me, and her lifestyle and personality is teaching me about reality. I know it sounds corny, but really, I actually wanted to call her a bitch 10 minutes ago, I couldn't stand her, but then again...that's what I'm like.
When I was younger, I loved Rei, I absolutely ADORED Rei, and she absolutely adores Neji (even though she absolutely adores Rei too, before) and I was often hyperactive with Lefty, jumping up in down in happy-happiness. Yes, age 12-13 is the happy age. Not 15 or 14 or 16 or anything. That is the age Shiroi is in currently, and when she came, she pretty much shown me that. Let me tell you about my friend.
She didn't have the greatest childhood, or whatever, and often she says it's not too great right now. But she has a cat, and I always wanted a cat, in fact, my mom said if I ever got straight A's I could have a kitten.
That has never happened, and I doubt it will because all the gym teachers have something against me.
Shiroi didn't have great confidence, which made her a modest person. You could click on a picture and see a BEAUTIFUL FANART, much better than the ugly Mona Lisa, and it would be drawn by Shiroi, but then you see her comment, "I did this ugly picture, -_-" or something related, but it's beautiful, it's outright awesome. Modesty. So, you try to give her some happiness by commenting, "NO! That is so pretty!" It is the truth after all, Shiroi is probably the greatest artist I've known (Aoi maybe, but I haven't seen Aoi's stuff for a long while, she CAN draw however, but you should see Shiroi's smexy Rei picture, "holy shiznit") I will admit Shiroi isn't the greatest colourer in regards to digital pictures (computer colouring, photoshop colouring), but she doesn't even have the neccessary tools to! All she has is her ltitle Paint-BBS and Paint itself (And Shipainter) Not Photoshop or anything, but she colours like a god with pencil crayons. Yes, I do envy her.
That begs the question, why am I pissed off with her if she is so..."perfect?". Because nobody is perfect, like I said, she reminds me of myself (and that sounds arrogant, XD) in terms of personality, when I was younger. If I met myself I would be annoyed by me, really, I would. Because I'm so lazy and everything. That's one thing I lack, I only commit myself to hard work if I like what I'm doing, if it's MATH or SCIENCE or something, no work at all because I hate it. Yet Shiroi is a smart person who got invited to an IV school...a little late, but you get my point. (Lefty was invited to Harvard, OMG. Why do all the cool people on the internet get so smart?!)
But in terms of DRAWING, I'll compare it in the "Naruto" way. Shiroi is the Neji of drawing, I am the Rock Lee of drawing. (that is exaggerated, XD) I work very hard at drawing because I love drawing, especially at WHAT I'm drawing. (Rock Lee's case is Taijutsu or whatever) I draw when my wrist hurts, I draw when the pencil breaks. I draw with anything, crayons, pencil crayons, pens, markers, I just draw. I've drawn for a long time, yet, I have improved, my drawings will never be like Shiroi's drawings. They are absolutely beautiful, for she is a talented "genius" at drawing, which I can only go to using hard work.
So you can see that comparison. I know I should not butt in, into other people's businesses when I'm not in it, but I just want to help. Some people don't want my help, and that pisses me off like I have no talent or way to help people. I just don't know why I'm annoyed by Shiroi right now, perhaps jealousy, envy, or because she won't allow me to help her. Shiroi is very stubborn.
In a world of today, where war is invitable, and people only care about money and oil, and that Animes are being pulled off of YTV, I realize that I don't have anything I want.
So, Shiroi is my guardian angel right now, because, I dunno, it makes me realizes things and write up sappy posts like this.
This has been Spot. Spot has been very touched by that BIFF gift (with all the BIFF posing in photos and then writing their messages to moi on paper, it's so awesome, ^___^), and the hug from that little girl....it was a nice hug...it was my only hug.
But even though Shiroi hasn't really given me anything remarkably "touching" I think her being there makes me happy itself. With the creation of the role-play and her lovely fanarts dedicated to me and taped on my wall. It's all that matters right now, not if the Heat wins in Basketball or if Edmonton wins in hockey, not if Korea beats France in the World Cup ever, but that sappy commercial with the MP3-phone when they go to Germany to watch the world cup and that guy says, "The best place to be is where your friends are".
Yeah, so anybody who cares, thanks. And I'm sorry if I was being a bitch, Shiroi.
-spot
I mean, I try to be a nice, good person. People say I'm modest, and yet, sometimes I think I brag too often and my ego's a bit huge, which would contradict my "modest-ness". And yet, I really always hold everything back. They say it isn't healthy to hold in tears or anger, but my parents taught me that showing emotion like that is bad. They yell at me for it, and I don't know why. They can't seem to learn that it's normal.
But sometimes people really make me angry, but they're my friend. What if you had a sensitive friend who would go bonkers from anything negative? I know one, someone stubborn who is actually quite modest, and would think everybody else is much better than her. Sounds like an emo? Possibly, and a lot of people can't stand emos. I don't think she is an emo, I think she just seeks attention. She's rather stubborn, talks about her stuff a lot...actually, everything I just said reminds me of myself too. She reminds me of me, when I was younger. (As cliche as it sounds) Her name is Shiroi.
The BIFF have shown a lot of respect to me, and I feel I still haven't shown the least bit of respect back to them. The last BIFF I have spoken to is Cheese, and I was rambling on and on about video games and how crappy my computer was, and yet, I didn't really give her time to say anything, and that reminds me of Shiroi.
The neighbour who hugged me (7-year-old girl next door I befriended) talked A LOT, she would just NOT shut up and if you attempted to say anything to her, she often interrupts and says something herself, so I sat there and listened...and then it reminded me that I acted this way on the internet a lot. I couldn't listen to people online, yet I'm so quiet and secretive in the real world that I listen very often. I think it's because in real life, everybody has so much to say, yet online, all my friends don't talk very much, and sometimes they do, but I tend to fill up in yakkers.
So I'm dedicating this whole post to Shiroi, who is exactly like me, and her lifestyle and personality is teaching me about reality. I know it sounds corny, but really, I actually wanted to call her a bitch 10 minutes ago, I couldn't stand her, but then again...that's what I'm like.
When I was younger, I loved Rei, I absolutely ADORED Rei, and she absolutely adores Neji (even though she absolutely adores Rei too, before) and I was often hyperactive with Lefty, jumping up in down in happy-happiness. Yes, age 12-13 is the happy age. Not 15 or 14 or 16 or anything. That is the age Shiroi is in currently, and when she came, she pretty much shown me that. Let me tell you about my friend.
She didn't have the greatest childhood, or whatever, and often she says it's not too great right now. But she has a cat, and I always wanted a cat, in fact, my mom said if I ever got straight A's I could have a kitten.
That has never happened, and I doubt it will because all the gym teachers have something against me.
Shiroi didn't have great confidence, which made her a modest person. You could click on a picture and see a BEAUTIFUL FANART, much better than the ugly Mona Lisa, and it would be drawn by Shiroi, but then you see her comment, "I did this ugly picture, -_-" or something related, but it's beautiful, it's outright awesome. Modesty. So, you try to give her some happiness by commenting, "NO! That is so pretty!" It is the truth after all, Shiroi is probably the greatest artist I've known (Aoi maybe, but I haven't seen Aoi's stuff for a long while, she CAN draw however, but you should see Shiroi's smexy Rei picture, "holy shiznit") I will admit Shiroi isn't the greatest colourer in regards to digital pictures (computer colouring, photoshop colouring), but she doesn't even have the neccessary tools to! All she has is her ltitle Paint-BBS and Paint itself (And Shipainter) Not Photoshop or anything, but she colours like a god with pencil crayons. Yes, I do envy her.
That begs the question, why am I pissed off with her if she is so..."perfect?". Because nobody is perfect, like I said, she reminds me of myself (and that sounds arrogant, XD) in terms of personality, when I was younger. If I met myself I would be annoyed by me, really, I would. Because I'm so lazy and everything. That's one thing I lack, I only commit myself to hard work if I like what I'm doing, if it's MATH or SCIENCE or something, no work at all because I hate it. Yet Shiroi is a smart person who got invited to an IV school...a little late, but you get my point. (Lefty was invited to Harvard, OMG. Why do all the cool people on the internet get so smart?!)
But in terms of DRAWING, I'll compare it in the "Naruto" way. Shiroi is the Neji of drawing, I am the Rock Lee of drawing. (that is exaggerated, XD) I work very hard at drawing because I love drawing, especially at WHAT I'm drawing. (Rock Lee's case is Taijutsu or whatever) I draw when my wrist hurts, I draw when the pencil breaks. I draw with anything, crayons, pencil crayons, pens, markers, I just draw. I've drawn for a long time, yet, I have improved, my drawings will never be like Shiroi's drawings. They are absolutely beautiful, for she is a talented "genius" at drawing, which I can only go to using hard work.
So you can see that comparison. I know I should not butt in, into other people's businesses when I'm not in it, but I just want to help. Some people don't want my help, and that pisses me off like I have no talent or way to help people. I just don't know why I'm annoyed by Shiroi right now, perhaps jealousy, envy, or because she won't allow me to help her. Shiroi is very stubborn.
In a world of today, where war is invitable, and people only care about money and oil, and that Animes are being pulled off of YTV, I realize that I don't have anything I want.
So, Shiroi is my guardian angel right now, because, I dunno, it makes me realizes things and write up sappy posts like this.
This has been Spot. Spot has been very touched by that BIFF gift (with all the BIFF posing in photos and then writing their messages to moi on paper, it's so awesome, ^___^), and the hug from that little girl....it was a nice hug...it was my only hug.
But even though Shiroi hasn't really given me anything remarkably "touching" I think her being there makes me happy itself. With the creation of the role-play and her lovely fanarts dedicated to me and taped on my wall. It's all that matters right now, not if the Heat wins in Basketball or if Edmonton wins in hockey, not if Korea beats France in the World Cup ever, but that sappy commercial with the MP3-phone when they go to Germany to watch the world cup and that guy says, "The best place to be is where your friends are".
Yeah, so anybody who cares, thanks. And I'm sorry if I was being a bitch, Shiroi.
-spot
