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Chapter 27: Drugs and Adrenaline

”And what have we learned today?”

”We promise to never waste your money on vet bills again, Chisame.”

“I bet that promise is going to get broken sooner or later anyway.”

”Okay! LET’S GO BREAK A LEG! HOORAY!”

”NO! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GO BREAK A LEG!”

”Miss, why are you talking to your animals?”

”Err…I want to be…one with my animals.”

”…okay.”

Chisame stood in the waiting room, several of her animals decided to follow, angering her. None of them were in fact hurt, and they were just wondering what was happening with the ones that actually were. Seconds ago she was in a room filled with many crates that held many animals, and oddly enough she started up a conversation with some of her own. The reason she was in the waiting room however, was for one particular creature of hers.

The animals that decided to follow were talking to her through a window.

”Is Haruna okay though? I never knew humans went out of their way to heal other animals that are not of their kind,” Yue said, thinking a bit after examining the white building they were staring at.

Chisame crossed her arms as she sat in her seat, waiting, “She’s in the other room annoying the doctors by waddling all over the place throwing stuff. She thinks the syringes make perfect ‘pointy sticks’.”

“…that’s Haruna.”

”What’s that pig doing here?” Chisame asked, noticing Misora also peering through the window.

”HARUNA IS MY BEST FRIEND! And I, the mysterious pig, will make sure that she is OKAY!”

Suddenly, someone Chisame recognized entered the waiting room and took a seat beside her. Only after several moments did the person notice Chisame.

”Ah, Chisame-san! How convenient that you’re here as well!” said one Nagi Springfield, “I need to talk to you, actually…in private.”

The net idol arched her eyebrow in curiosity, and followed the man outside, to a secluded garden at the back of the veterinarian office.

”So what exactly brings you to the vet?” Chisame asked as she took out a nikuman to take a bite out of.

”Hm, actually my dog, Sakurako, got a bit sick. On to important matters though…do you know about the koala tribe in Kappa Forest?” Nagi whispered into the ear of the human-fox.

”Yeah, and I do know they’re in trouble, how’d you know about the animals in the forest?”

”I’m not magic for nuthin’…or legendary, heh. So I assume you figured everything out, hm? Did you know that they are also the group of creatures with the most magical potential of all animals that don’t prefer solitude?” The mage-fisherman replied.

Chisame looked at the man, “I guess so. Makes sense that they rule…what’s your point, old man? I don’t got time here, you know.”

”The problem is a lot of them are disappearing. If koalas die out in Kappa Forest, everything will go into chaos…”

”What the hell? That doesn’t make any sense.”

”Look, they rule the entire forest. They make sure animals follow the law. As in wolves don’t start hunting tigers, or something, or that otters and beavers don’t suddenly go into an all-out war and kill each other off. There’s a reason that canaries are few in the area, so they can keep peace between those two species. If otters ever find a canary, it’s big trouble, and not just for beavers. If beavers find a canary, they would try to secretly assassinate all the otters and blame it on humans or something.”

Chisame looked overwhelmed, “Wait, what!?”

”Instinct comes from somewhere, Chisame. It comes from magic. It is instinct that a leopard would hunt a deer, and the deer would run away, not try to become friends with the leopard. If the koalas, who handle the magic, die out, then instinct will be gone, and the animals will become just like humans and start killing each other, not for survival, but for dumb things like war, or taking over territory. That would mean the end of the world.”

”So the sake of the world is depending on a dumb group of koalas…what has the planet come to these days,” Chisame said, sighing, “and you’re telling me this, why?”

”While I am a very powerful mage myself, this situation is serious, and so I have to warn everyone capable of combat…that’s all. Anyway, what brings you to the vet here, Chisame?” The mage explained, changing the subject rather easily.

The teenager mumbled, “Oh, a few of my animals decided to be stupid that almost got them killed.”

I swear; how can they just run off like that and suddenly face a dragon? It’s like they have no BRAIN!

Chisame sighed as she walked back into the waiting room, for one of her animals was taking awfully long inside the surgery room…

-

When Konoka, Setsuna and Ako reached the centre of Kappa Forest, they headed into a huge tree, which Konoka called her home, and Setsuna called ‘The World Tree’. Deep underground the gigantic roots of the oversized plant was apparently where the two first grew up.

They travelled deeper until the reached the centre, and there were many animals living there. The majority of them were koalas, as Ako watched in amazement as if they were in a mini-town inhabited by koalas. The crane walked up to a large structure in the soil, which seemed bigger than any other home beneath the earth. She stepped through a large hole along with her ojou-sama and supposed adopted daughter into the structure. The inside was huge.

”Wooooow…” Ako awed, staring at the carefully crafted organic palace that her ‘parents’ grew up in. A rather middle-aged koala entered the large hallway, who also seemed to have great authority as the koala servants very much tried to treat him as well as they did when they welcomed Konoka and friends.

”Konoka! How have you been?” He said and immediately after, the younger koala jumped into him in a happy with a hug.

”Daddy! It’s been so long!”

Setsuna bowed formally, and made absolutely no rude gesture as she spoke to the chief koala, “Chief, we have returned after all this time. I have protected Konoka-ojou-sama with my life throughout our times away, and there were many incidents that proved the task most difficult, but I have now successfully brought Ojou-sama back to her old home.”

Konoka’s paw sprung into the air, “Ah! There is someone you must meet, daddy!”

She pushed Ako towards the leader of koalas, “Meet your newest grandchild! Ako-chan, say hi to grandpa…”

”Uh…hi grandpa…” Ako peeped. The yellow chick tried to hide behind the princess of all koalas, still rather nervous in such an extravagant home beneath an enormous tree.

Chief Eishun crouched down and patted the shy bird on the head, smiling, “Hello Ako. What a cute animal you have here Konoka. Who’s the father?”

”Oh! I am! Secchan’s the mother, teehee!”

”Ojou-sama!”

”What? Do you want to be the father instead?”

Setsuna blushed, yelling at her koala companion, “That’s not it! Just because we adopted her doesn’t mean we’re parents like that…plus we’re both girls, so…”

”So you want us to be two mommies?”

”Ojou-sama…we could forget the father and mother names…”

The chief of the koalas broke their chat by coughing loudly, “Now…to more important matters. It’s important you know why I have summoned you back here, Konoka, and you Setsuna-kun.”

”You see, it’s being reported that all the koalas outside our haven are disappearing rapidly. We’re currently investigating, but for now you are safe inside here, and until the threat passes, you’ll have to make yourself at home here. Anyway, dinner is being made by our just-hired chef! Go out and have fun for now…”

Ako hopped happily down some organic steps as she pointed at something afar, “Look! I want to try that!”

There were several koalas kicking an orange around. Two blocks of stone were on one side, another two on the other. The objective seemed as if they had to kick the orange between the stones, and one animal would stand between said stands of rock to prevent such from happening.

The koalas called it, “Paw-Orange.” They were not very creative.

”I want to play Paw-Orange!” Ako said, running towards the koalas.

DOOF!

The orange had smacked into Ako’s head as she was about to join in, knocking the young chick over in a humorous ‘plop’ sound.

”Oh no! Ako-chan! Are you okay?” Konoka ran down towards the fallen bird. Ako opened her eyes, staring at the koala above her.

”JUDGEMENT DAY IS COMING. FEAR IT. PREPARE FOR IT. DIE FOR IT.”

Setsuna looked at the chick oddly, “Uh…what are you saying?”

”That doesn’t sound very much like Ako-chan’s voice, Secchan…”

The shade of Ako’s eyes returned to normal as she shook her head in confusion, “Huh? What happened?”

”You got hit in the head and then talked in this funny voice, Ako-chan! You’re very talented, can you do it again?”

”Er…no?”

”Must’ve been a spur of the moment…”

Chief Eishun had his paw on his chin, thinking intensely, “This could potentially be serious…”

-

”Where’re we going huh!? WHERE’RE GOING!? TELLMENOW! WHERE!?”

Chisame sighed as she walked down the road, swishing her bushy tail behind her, “Those drugs sure take a long time to wear off…”

”I haven’t seen Haruna this jittery since she fell asleep in subzero temperatures under ten feet of snow…for six days,” Yue said, watching the newly released animals from the vet jumping with glee.

”I-I’m n-not j-jittery, I-I’m j-just a-a l-little j-jumpy i-is a-all!”

”Which is the same thing.”

”WHYWON’TANYBODYTELLMEWHERE’REGOING!?!?!”

”Oh shut up Yuuna, I have a baaaaaad headache…”

Chisame sighed, “So who doesn’t have any side-effects from those drugs!?”

”I don’t-aru. And I don’t know why. I think it’s because of my increased consumption of nikuman that has allowed me to be immune of this drug thing you speak of-aruyo! Besides, what is this drug thing you speak of-aru!? It’s certainly not better than nikuman, for nothing is! In fact, I don’t even know how we got this drug in this first place, whatever it is, tell me Chisame, what is it-aruka!? I would like to know, oh yes, indeed I do, and like Yuuna I want to know where we’re going-aru. Is it a place that has numerous nikuman-arune? I sure hope so, actually I—“

”Okay, shut up,” Chisame growled, “I guess the answer is nobody. We’re going to go find Konoka and Setsuna by the way. You’ll all finally get to meet who keeps control in this stupid planet…”

Kazumi roared, “OKAY! BE QUIET! CAN YOU PLEASE NOT SPEAK SINCE IT’S MAKING MY EARDRUMS HAMMER ROCKS INTO MY BRAIN!?!?”

A sudden cry echoed throughout the forest, startling the animals heading towards its centre, as that was where it came from. The alert ears of Ku Fei and Chisame picked up the sound quickly, and it was the fox who knew that it had definitely come from the koala haven.

”Oh great, now my head is throbbing…”

Yuuna yelled, “SOIASSUMETHEPLACEWE’REGOINGISWHERETHATCRYCAMEFROM!?!?!”

”…yes.”

”ARGH.”

-

“OJOU-SAMA!!!”

A large slender creature had invaded the ‘town’ of koalas, and presumably it was responsible for the recent disappearance of lots of koalas. Currently, it had snatched the most precious koala of all, and that did not please the only crane down there one bit.

For the first time in a long while, Setsuna sensed the great danger Konoka was in. In fact she was in much more danger than ever before, so she decided to get drastic. The swordscrane finally took out a sword. She knew that a weapon for an animal was not natural, and avoided using it a lot, but now was not the time to try to be natural. Putting the chick on her shoulder, the large white bird took into flight, into the air where the creature was dragging her dear ojou-sama up and away.

The mysterious creature’s fangs were extremely sharp and long, and as it wiggled its way out of the massive koala den, Setsuna attempted to attack it, but to no avail.

”Its skin…seems tough…what is this being!?” Setsuna growled, “No…I must protect Ojou-sama at all costs!”

Ako whimpered, “Mama…what’s happening? Why’d it take daddy?”

”Ojou-sama is a very sacred animal…please just have faith Ako. All will be well soon, now hold on!”

The crane narrowed her eyes as she trailed the animal, dodging tree trunks and low branches. She finally managed to catch up to the snake.

”Shinmeiryuu Ougi…ZANMAKEN!”

She sliced her sword down, but it still had no effect. The skin of her opponent was as hard as steel. She started slashing at the trees as her speed started getting too fast for her to dodge, finally they reached a clearing, where the animal she was stalking stopped, and she knew why. It had bumped into…the others.

”Whoa! What’s this animal holding Konoka for-aru!? We got to stop it-aru! And I shall help since I’m a big tiger and all-aruyo!. In fact since I just had a good meal of nikuman this shouldn’t be a program, not at all-aruka! So much so that I will even waste time talking so much due to these ‘drugs’ Chisame speaks of giving the animal time to attack me since I can’t seem to stop talking-aruyo! SOMEONE HELP ME I CAN’T STOP TALKIN—MHMMPF!”

Chisame had shoved a rock into the wildcat’s mouth, “That should do…”

The perpetrator sneered at Setsuna, annoyed at her stubbornness to not give up and the reinforcements that it had bumped into. It eyed the chick the white bird seemed to protect almost as eagerly as the koala it had kidnapped. The crane sensed this.

”Ako! Get off my shoulder, NOW!”

”What, but—“

”GET!” Setsuna yelled, getting her off the bird’s shoulder before the slender creature could smash the chick off itself. The swordscrane had ducked, but it wouldn’t have been enough for Ako if she had stayed on her ‘mother’s’ shoulder.

Unfortunately the yellow chick stayed close, not realizing the grave danger they were all in. She was worried about Setsuna now, and not Konoka as she had been just seconds before. The creature was about to lunge at the crane, but it shocked everybody has it turned around in midair, flying towards Ako. The only explanation for this could’ve been magic.

Ako could not react in time; in fact none of the animals could, except maybe one that was definitely the most high on drugs.

”AKO!”

An otter threw her body between the long attacker and Ako, but what happened next wasn’t a blow Yuuna was expecting, since it caused her eyes to enlarge significantly. As the jaws of the animal slammed down, a fang protruded from the otter’s chest, but this was not only what widened the eyes of the chick who had front seats for this sight in a movie theatre with the biggest screen in the universe. The blood that resulted, especially from the mammal’s mouth, pretty much splattered onto the young bird like the front seats of a show in an aquarium with a very hyper whale.

Fatal.

”Yuu…na?”

While it only happened in less than the second, the creature smiled evilly. It was rather evil because its victim was still stuck on its fang, and it used the shock it managed to produce to give it time, enough to smack a traumatized chick into the air and so far that it was only a blink of a dot.

The lethal animal seemed to slither away with its prey, the koala. The otter falling onto the ground, and the promise was pretty much broken.

“Holy sh…” Kazumi started…her known dislike towards swearing almost broken in a shocked hypocritical word.

Chisame growled and ran towards the otter, giving commands like a veteran from a war, “Don’t just stand there like idiots! You, stupid crane and the tiger, go chase that snake and get your precious koala back! Kazumi, you’re fast, run like hell that direction and find Ako! The rest of you, run out and find that guy I hang out with! His name is Nagi! I’m magic so I have the most chance of saving Yuuna, GO NOW!”

Setsuna shook her head, getting out of the trance caused by the rapid occurrence, “R-right…”

Ojou-sama…I try to protect you…and yet I realize that my strength is still not worthy of your defence…and how can I keep Ako out of danger too if I can’t even do my primary job!? That otter though…she is noble…Once I retrieve you safely…I may not be able to continue this career that I’ve dedicated my life to anymore…

That happened too fast for comfort-aru. Don’t we usually get a little break before adventure where we almost die-aruyo? This creature we’re facing is merciless-aru…I hope we can trust Chisame with Yuuna…she looks…bad-arune…

The crane flew off with the tiger quickly behind her, blaming herself along the way.

Kazumi was at first reluctant to run off, but she knew if she didn’t, no one would ever forgive her. After all, she was the proud ‘oneechan’ of Ako. She had to fulfill her role, even if she was just a random ol’ canary.

Chisame, though, while watching the other animals run off to find that annoying man, was in the most tension.

”That animal…is a venomous snake.”

-

*Batman theme starts*

Misora: NANANANANANA DOGGER!

*record scratch*

Yuuna: Erm, Dogger’s based off of Spiderman…

Misora: Oh.

Sayo: AGAIN!

*Spiderman theme starts*

Misora: Dogger, Dogger, does whatever a…dogger can. Can she swing from a thread? Why would she? That’s retarded. Hey there, it’s the Dogger…something.

Sayo: Right…let’s just move on with the omake.

Kazumi: (Dogger) *jumps from a roof* I AM DOGGER! I save people…and I have no reason to…and I don’t know why I’m saving people. In fact I got fired from my journalist job and had lived in the streets, since I couldn’t make money and was kicked out of my apartment. One day this mysterious stranger in a cloak came up to me and gave me this tacky costume, so I became Dogger. Oh, it happened after I ran into a dog with rabies and became…half-dog or something. Yeah. So I picked up a newspaper on the ground and noticed this ad for a school called Mahora…it lets you live in dorms for free. So I decided to take an English course so I can live somewhere…

Chisame: In short, Dogger is pathetic.

Kazumi: (Dogger) HEY!

Ku Laozi: THAT’S RIGHT KIDS-ARU! This omake is a little preview for the upcoming DOGGER MOVIE coming to THEATRES NEAR YOU-aruyo! It stars our own Asakura Kazumi-arune! My lesson is to feel pity for her patheticness and at least illegally download her movies if you don’t want to waste money watching it-aruka. I am SURE DOING THAT-ARU!

Kazumi: The irony is that everybody here has some part in it too…

Sayo: Now, to begin the TRAILER!!!

*movie screen comes out of nowhere and BEGINS*

Misora: (Narrator) When you lose your job…

*cut to Kazumi in an office*

Ayaka: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! I don’t care how much experience you have! OUR NEWSPAPER LOST ITS #4 position of “most read item” TO A COOKBOOK!

Kazumi: But you have to admit boss, Satsuki’s Cooking is one of the greatest cookbooks ever…I was one with the kitchen when I followed it…

Ayaka: THAT’S BEYOND THE POINT! YOU’RE FIRED!

Misora: When you lose your home…

*cut to an apartment hallway*

Kazumi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN EVICTED!? I PAID LAST MONTH!

Mana: I hate this job as much as losing a home, but what I hate most are those who complain. You’re supposed to pay once a month.

Kazumi: Well you should’ve told me that BEFOREHAND!

Mana: Now leave. *shines a gun* I will not hesitate to shoot.

Misora: When you’re approached by an insane wacko…

*cut to an alley*

Yuuna: (The Kid) Asakura…it is the peak of your life.

Kazumi: Wow, I gotta figure out where these alley dwellers get their drugs.

Misora: It means one thing…

Doctor: You have six months to live.

Kazumi: FOR RUNNING INTO A DOG!?

Doctor: Oh sorry, are you Akashi Yuuna?

Kazumi: No…

Doctor: My mistake.

Misora: Time to go to school!

*school bell rings*

Negi: Welcome to class 3-A! I am your teacher, Negi Springfield, and today we will…

*cut to recess

Sakurako: There was a murder in this very classroom last night!

Misa: What!?

Fumika: GASP!

*cut to outside*

Chisame: Hey you, redhead. What’s up with those retarded ears?

Kazumi: Eh? *looks up* WTF!?

*cut to classroom again*

Yuuna: Ako! Ako-chan!

Ako: Will you quit calling me ‘-chan’? I don’t know who you are. We’ve just become classmates!

Yuuna: So she doesn’t remember?

*cut to roof top at night, full moon*

Kazumi: I’m turning into a werewolf or something? Maybe those drugs that cloak person gave me didn’t wear off yet…

*cut to alley*

Yuuna: (The Kid) Your name is DOGGER!

Kazumi: Tacky outfit and then a dumb name. You’re not very good at being mysterious either.

Yuuna: (The Kid) I’m sorry, it’s my first time. I’m inexperienced at being cool and mysterious. *sobs*

*cut to top of mountain*

Chisame: WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY!?!?! THAT MASKED MUTT IS OBVIOUSLY THAT IDIOT ASA— *mountain starts to rumble* Whoops.

Misora: It’s the beginning of Japan’s greatest heroine…

*cut to sky, Dogger is flying while holding a hamster*

Natsumi: I’m just a little insignificant hamster! Why did you save me!?

Kazumi: (Dogger) Because I got nothing else to do and being a superhero is fun.

Natsumi: Oh, and I never knew you could fly.

Kazumi: (Dogger) …oh shi— *they fall*

Misora: Yep, greatest heroine.

Dr. Pooh: So that’s Dogger, hm? I see that I finally have a worthy adversary…

Kazumi: (Dogger) Excuse me, do you know the directions to the closest Laundromat? I seem to have some sort of fast-drying concrete paste on my outfit which definitely seems to be a trap created by some evil enemy of mine.

Dr. Pooh: …

Misora: THE BIRTH OF DOGGER! Coming to theatres when hell freezes over!

*ends*

Chisame: Wow…that sucked.

Haruna: WHERE WAS I!?!?! *sadness attack*

Kazumi: I don’t like how the directors dumbed down my character. IT’S LIKE I’M NOT INTERESTING OR SOMETHING!

Sayo: We have run out of time…Ku Laozi?

Ku Laozi: NEVER PUT YOUR HAND IN WARM WATER WHEN YOU SLEEP-ARU! BYEBYE KIDS!

*BZZZT*

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R-POTE: Misora/Ako