THE REVIVAL OF HAPPY FARM FRIENDS
Mar. 25th, 2008 11:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spottoHFF is going to end soon, BTW. So amidst all the plot devices, plot holes, writing-that-does-not-flow, and incredibly random and pointless insensitive humour, you will know that it will soon end.
The omake is also extra long, I think.
Chapter 32: Overexert
Yuuna growled, clenching her paw as she stood up to the fox demon once again. Many animals too busy talking to each other behind her about the recent reappearance of Yuuna and other animals were oblivious to the fact that a familiar panda was going to meet up with them. Kazumi jumped up onto a tree branch to observe the creature further, and noticed an abandoned nest in the tree she was in.
“…nest…” The canary mumbled, staring oddly at it.
A loud horrific roar let out a massive destructive sound wave that uprooted trees and plants alike, and throwing the animals into the air. The fox who had gone out of control sneered as it leapt into the air about to claw each animal in the sky back into the ground to finish them off. It was especially angry as it noticed how few animals took it seriously, so now it decided that socializing was over.
Evangeline landed on the ground softly, avoiding any giant claws from getting anywhere near her. Her seemingly robotic giraffe companion had helped her land softly. The rabbit was about to launch an attack when the panda finally revealed herself.
A gigantic translucent image appeared in thin air, flying straight towards the fox. It slammed into the back of the animal’s head, causing it to crash into the ground hard; the impact even created a small crater. The panda jumped on top of the vixen, holding two sharpened bamboo sticks. It stepped up towards the head.
Most of the animals were knocked unconscious when they fell towards the ground. Ku Fei landed on her feet like a natural cat should; Yuuna impossibly flipped in midair to catch Ako, not realizing she could fly, who had to break the otter’s fall by grabbing her right before the otter hit the ground. Of course the passionate otter did not fall without remorse as a chick was far too weak to carry the otter, so it landed onto the ground roughly. Other birds managed to land as well, but the rest were not so lucky.
The canary got up, its fall being broken from the nest she had just saw. A sudden homesick feeling overwhelmed her as memories of her childhood came back to her. She saw her sitting in her little egg, seeing sunlight for the first time, and staring up at her only parent left, her father.
Kazumi hopped out of the nest, a sudden determination imploded in her heart. She looked up at the fox demon. A panda had nailed it down.
“Wait, what are you doing!?” Kazumi found herself yelling.
Chao looked up from her “work”, “I’m sending Chisame home.”
Another roar came from the resisting fox, but it amazingly looked paralyzed by a mere panda.
”I don’t understand…in fact I’m pretty sure we all don’t understand,” Kazumi said, “Chisame…isn’t normal, is she?”
”That’s quite obvious coming from you,” Chao replied, “No, she comes from the future…as have I.”
”What do you mean…?” Kazumi continued.
The black and white bear continued its odd ritual, but started to tell the conscious ones a bit of a story, “It is no coincidence that this fox wound up owning so many animals, in particular you three.”
She pointed towards the canary, the otter, and the tiger.
“First, do you know of any farmer in existence who owns a tiger? Perhaps a circus, or a zookeeper, but certainly not a tiger, especially a tame one, have you also not known of a canary that fails to fly? A laughable disability, yet it is different. Finally, has anyone heard of an otter so seemingly invincible as yourself?”
Yuuna stood up proudly, showing off her seemingly invincible aura, especially to the canary who couldn’t fly. Kazumi pouted for a bit, but looked at the panda again, “So what?”
”That’s not really normal, or an unbelievable coincidence. Unlike what you all think…Chisame was originally a fox, never a human. She was but a pup when I accidentally dragged her to the past with me. In the future…things aren’t so welcoming, you know. I had intended to escape my time and live out the rest of my life in peace at another timeframe. Except right now is not the era that I chose, for the fox who somehow got into my time-travelling range wrecked the coordinates. The time loop even affected her DNA turning her into a legendary kitsune…a demon fox.”
All the animals were speechless, partly because they had no idea what the bear was talking about, but at the same time a little intrigued.
“Of course, she was only a pup, so she obviously never reached full power, and so stayed with one tail at the beginning. Kitsunes are magical; they are basically shape-shifters. Chisame ended up envying the human lifestyle and turned into one herself. I don’t understand how she was adopted and given a farm, though, but because of these events I decided that it was my responsibility to make sure the fox pup was okay. Also, I had not concocted an emergency plan to jump to another era should I land at the incorrect point of time, so I spent several years figuring how to do just that.”
Suddenly, the large kitsune started to revert back into a normal fox. In fact, it even seemed to develop back in time, turning into a young fox pup. The panda continued.
“I learned from my experience here that escaping my problems is futile, so I have decided to return to my own time with the fox. Her family’s probably very worried about her, anyway. A lot of you were probably attached to her, but she doesn’t belong here. Oh, by the way, all the nikuman she had was obtained through me. Yep!” The panda pointed to herself, then revealed a cart of nikuman behind her. One certain tiger decided to forget that her owner was about to leave forever by having a gourmet.
“Uhh…Kuu…” Kazumi started, until a certain otter hopped by her towards the baby fox.
”She’s so CUTE!!!” Yuuna said, trying to pinch the fox’s cheeks. She was suddenly greeted by the fox’s teeth, instead.
The otter jumped back, holding her bitten paw, “OW!!! What a vicious animal!!!”
”…and you never said that when she was twenty-feet tall with nine tails?”
”No, she was very tame then. All she did was give us a cool gentle breeze…”
The panda sighed and picked up the yippy little critter, “Well, if that’s your goodbyes, then I might as well go…”
”Hold it…” Kazumi said, “Now we’re all going to miss her and all, since she saved our lives various times, but if she’s gone…who will run the farm?”
”That’s your problem, ne?” The panda stated and suddenly became blindingly bright, along with the fox, “Oh, the squirrel shall now supply the nikuman. You have to pay acorns though. Anyway…take care!”
Yuuna called out, “Wait! I heard it was because of you that I’m still alive…why?”
”…if you had stayed dead…the timeline would have been heavily disrupted…” The panda suddenly disappeared with the fox, and the two animals, it seemed, were gone forever.
An interval of silence occurred, where all the animals just stood there, watching the area where the panda was standing. Even Ku Fei had paused from consuming great amounts of meat buns for the silence. As if something in their lives had drastically changed.
“I’m going to miss that fox, despite that painful bite,” Yuuna spoke up, ending the period of silence.
“But we need that fox…we don’t even know where she keeps the farm food…”
Misora added, “Yeah! Where will I get my pig grub, eh!?”
Every conscious animal looked at her, “…you don’t live on the farm…”
”OR DO I!?” Misora added, “That just ups my mysteriousness, doesn’t it?”
”No, it makes you sound more stupid,” the owl replied.
Yuuna crossed her paws, “Either way, it looks like all our problems are over, and we can go home and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER! That’s how a story should end!”
”What the hell are you talking about? Who will feed us? Bathe us? Protect us, take care of us like a loving parent which we all coincidentally DO NOT HAVE!?!?!” Kazumi said, flailing her wings.
“No, I have a daddy,” Yuuna pointed towards the otter den’s direction, “So I win again!”
Yue intervened, “I don’t think all your problems are over. Remember that evil stupid dragon? It may return.”
”YEAH!” Haruna said, “AND IT WILL BE AWESOME!”
”…uh, what?”
”Dragons are very exciting and even fun!”
”But when that dragon attacked us last time, you got hurt!”
Haruna crossed her flippers, “I know. It was still an amazing experience!”
All of a sudden, as if on cue, a large body from overhead covered the sunlight that the animals were enjoying. The shadow resulted was huge, almost like a dragon’s shadow. Finally, some of the animals decided to look up.
Nodoka whispered, “But you mentioned the dragon first, Yue…”
”…that’s not the point.”
Yuuna suddenly remembered, “That’s right! All our problems aren’t over!”
”Because of the dragon?”
”No! Because beavers are still living on in this world, and that’s why our problems will never be over until all of them are eliminated!” She yelled, baring her teeth.
She grabbed the canary and embraced the yellow bird like a sibling or parent would, “And we have this wonderful being who will be the ultimate weapon against those damned beavers!”
Konoka said, “But Yuuna-chan! Remember, if the beavers are all wiped out, the ecosystem-thingy will be off balance!”
”What?”
”It’s a word I learned from Yue-chan!”
Yue cleared her throat, “That’s right. If beavers are all gone, then whatever beavers eat will overpopulate, and whatever eats beavers would starve. This will result in a chain reaction that would kill all animals and plants alike!”
”And that’s why there’s the Kansai Magic Association of Koalas. It is their job to make sure that doesn’t happen,” Setsuna continued.
”You’re telling me the most evil beings in the world, if destroyed, would destroy the world?”
Yue replied, “Well, basically.”
The otter closed her eyes and put her paw to her furred chin. She remained in this pose for several minutes, despite gusts of wind still smashing upon the animals from the largely ignored dragon.
”BLASPHEMY!” Yuuna yelled suddenly, “Whatever stupid things beavers eat could be eaten by other things! And whatever eats beavers, god bless them, can eat other things!”
”True, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. So beavers should ultimately stay alive,” Yue explained.
Ku Fei asked, “Wait, what if all the canaries disappear, aruka?”
”There aren’t many canaries around this area in the first place. They’re not supposed to live around here,” Yue once again spoke up, “from my travels of the world, I have never seen a canary except in human dens…”
”But I ate a canary once…when I was young. It was delicious, aru,” She then eyed Kazumi accordingly.
Kazumi heard her ghost companion suddenly speak up, “Uhm…actually…canaries are kind of…bad.”
”Eh?”
”Elaborate, Kazumi’s weird friend!” Yuuna asked.
Other animals, unaware of the ghost’s presence, were confused as the others seemingly listened to nothing at all.
”I don’t know if I want to say…it sounds a little disrespectful to Kazumi-san…”
The canary winked at the uncertain spirit, “Nah. I don’t think I get offended that easily, anyway. Besides, I’m rather curious myself!”
”Alright…canaries are a danger to several animals’ existence despite being few in number,” Sayo explained, “not only does the innocent singing of the canary cause a beaver to explode, their scrumptious taste is actually a threat to all kinds of cats. They may even be chased by other predators which lust for the taste of canary.”
”You mean I’m a danger to everything that eats me?” Kazumi said.
Sayo nodded as she continued, “From everything I’ve seen in my…uh, afterlife, a lot of the times, the sheer temptation of a canary will often end in a cat’s death. Usually because cats fight for the canary or the canary’s intelligent antics end with great abuse to the cat. Canaries tend to be very tricky and cunning.”
”You hear that, Kuu? Kazumi’s going to kill you. Indirectly of course,” Yuuna turned and said.
”What, aru? Who said that, aruka?”
”Canaries are a danger to cats!” Yuuna said, “that tiny little insignificant ball of yellow feathers…can bring the end to even the biggest and scariest cats around!”
Kazumi looked at Yuuna with an incredible expression, “I don’t know whether that’s a compliment or an insult…”
”Pfft. Canaries can’t put an end to dragons, that’s for sure,” Evangeline suddenly said before she turned to leave, “you have fun with that giant reptile over you.” She walked off with her giraffe companion.
The mysterious pig, I mean Misora, looked up at the dragon, “WHOA! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!?”
“You didn’t notice it before…? What about the giant shadow over us?” Yue asked.
”I thought we were under a big tree for some nice relaxing shade!”
”But we never moved…”
”It came to us!”
”…never mind.”
Finally, the static dragon made its move. Its large muscular claws came down upon the unsuspecting animals, trying to grab onto any of the animals. Setsuna bravely protected her Ojou-sama, facing her Yuunagi towards the claw. She looked like a dangerous spike in a trap, which the dragon narrowly avoided. The other birds flew off, besides the ones that couldn’t fly. Ako also didn’t fly off, instead choosing to dive under a bigger animal. This was probably a good decision because she wasn’t very fast in terms of flying, still it was not enough. The other animals watched in horror as the dragon dragged the little chick away.
”Crap! Ako!” Kazumi yelled.
Ku Fei started running towards the dragon, and suddenly felt a little canary and not-as-little otter cling onto her fur/tail.
”WHY ARE YOU CLINGING ON ME, ARUYO!?”
Yuuna grinned while saluting the tiger, “You are the fastest, Master Ku!”
”Yes, Master Ku! We will follow you to the end of the world if it’s to save Ako!” Kazumi said.
Setsuna sighed as she watched the dragon fly away with her ‘daughter’. She picked up her pace to try to catch the dragon as well, “Why do I always forget about Ako!? I am such a failure to Kono-chan and—“
”Secchan! You finally called me Kono-chan!
”Oh whoops, I mean Ojou-sam--this is not the time to correct me, Ojou-sama! Ako is in danger!”
”Don’t worry about it, Secchan. Ako will be fine!” She assured, “Ku-chan and the others always manage to keep her safe. Believe in them!”
”But…”
”Yes, we have more conflicting problems here” Yue pointed at new arrivals.
”You stupid animals have pissed me off for the last time! Canary or not, I’m eating you ALL!” A cheetah stood there alone, growling at the rest of the animals. She stood next to a panther, Madoka.
The swordscrane watched in the distance where the four animals disappeared off to, “Hopefully they can fend themselves off from a dragon…it feels we have lost our trump card…”
-
”Don’t you think it’s odd?” Yuuna said as they pursued the dragon.
”What is?” Kazumi asked, trying to tighten her grip on the speeding tiger.
Yuuna balanced herself on Ku Fei’s back, trying to get closer to Ako. The dragon was flying quite close to the ground, “That of all the tasty animals like you, or the big animals like Ku Fei with lots of meat, that the dragon goes and grabs Ako of all animals.”
”Probably because it’s smart enough to know that canaries are dangerous, and Ku Fei, while stupid, is very powerful,” Kazumi speculated, “it should’ve grabbed YOU instead if it was smart enough. You have a very obvious handicap, and you are of decent meat quality, Yuuna!”
”Hey, aru! Don’t call me stupid, aruyo!”
Yuuna shook her head humbly, “No! The dragon is smart enough not to take me for I am completely invincible!”
”Right, just because you survived a snake—“
“I survived MANY THINGS! I survived beavers, kappas, oil spills! I have survived dragons, wildcats, and starvation! I have even survived from
”If you act so overconfident, it’s going to get the best of you someday. Believe me,” Kazumi stated, “luck will run out someday!”
”As if!” Yuuna said, “now let us retrieve Ako!”
The otter reached for the flailing chick in the claws of the dragon. She wrapped her paws around Ako’s body and tried to pull her out of the grasp of the dragon, but it was no use. Yuuna finally noticed that the dragon was starting to fly higher into the air when her feet left the back of Ku Fei. Noticing, the tiger leapt in the air, clearly trying to cling onto the dragon herself, but she didn’t jump high enough and grabbed Yuuna instead. The leap caused Kazumi to fly off the tiger, but she saved herself from falling down splat on the ground by grabbing onto Ku Fei’s tail.
“GODDAMNIT! NOT THIS AGAIN!” Yuuna screamed.
The dragon flew higher and higher and higher, drifting into the clouds, almost as if it didn’t notice four animals hanging off of itself…
----
The NARRATOR: Hello. I am the narrator. The omake has just crossed the line of drama! Everybody’s twin sisters who are really transsexuals all had babies with unknown fathers, and last week, we found out the father to all those bastard babies was in fact Chisame. This led to-
Chisame: The HELL are you talking about!?
The NARRATOR: Your antenna friend here invited me to this show because it was getting boring.
Misora: …how can transsexuals have babies?
Chisame: THAT’S NOT THE POINT! HE IS SPURING OUT SLANDER! THAT IS NOT ENTERTAINMENT!
Haruna: Don’t be silly, Misora! Chisame’s obviously some evil sex beast from outer space, with special technology to impregnate people in seconds!
Chisame: WHAT ABOUT THE OMAKE!? THE OTHER PEOPLE THAT THE SPOTLIGHT IS SUPPOSED TO BE ON!?
Haruna: Oh, THEM. Well the reason I invited Rakan here to narrate, was because in the span of the six months when this show was off-air, they all ran off and got themselves arrested. I think they’re in some juvenile hall or something. So yeah! Most of the cast is in prison!
Chisame: But Yuuna and Ako were just in outer space! And our director is a ghost! How the hell can she get arrested!?
Rakan: You take things too literally, little girl!
Chisame: I AM NOT LIT--*turns loli* WTF!?
Anya: *today’s guest* This show must really be running out of ideas if you turned the same person into a little girl twice.
Chibisame: SHUT UP YOU! I HATE YOU!
Haruna: Were you just about to say “I am not literate”, Chisame-chan!?
Chibisame: No, I was—
Misora: We just got some surveillance footage from the female juvenile hall!
Haruna: SWEET! PLAY IT!
Yuuna: Wait…WHY did we get arrested again?
Ako: Drunk driving.
Ku Fei: Disturbing the peace, aruyo.
Kazumi: Break and enter.
Sayo: Punching the police officer man. Poor police officer man.
Nagi Springfield: You dare punch the Thousand Master!
Ku Fei: Wow, who knew the Thousand Master worked as a police officer, aruka!
Nagi Springfield: My misguided son is searching in the Magic World too.
Yuuna: I wasn’t driving drunk! You did!
Kazumi: Yes, but you’re the oldest here. As the responsible adult, you did not tell us children not to get behind the wheel, and so we were terribly foolish because of your irresponsibility.
Ako: Aren’t we too young to drive anyway?
Kazumi: …that too.
Ku Fei: But I don’t remember disturbing the peace, arune…
Ako: SOMEONE here was streaking down the street. I won’t name names.
Yuuna: What about break and enter? I broke into my own house! I forgot my keys! My dad was in
Kazumi: I don’t know.
Sayo: But you punched the police officer.
Yuuna: That’s besides the point.
Kazumi: Wait, we’re ALL in here for crimes YUUNA committed!?
Yuuna: I WAS NOT THE ONE WHO STREAKED DOWN THE STREET!
Ku Fei: But all we would get from that is community service, aru…
Kazumi: I DEMAND A RETRIAL!
Nagi Springfield: Well, Al was your judge. I’ll go ask Al.
Ku Fei: And that ghost didn’t get charged, why is she here, aruka?
Sayo: I STILL don’t know where the omake is…
*cue people at the omake laughing*
Nagi Springfield: Al said no.
Kazumi: WHY!?
Nagi Springfield: Because you guys ran over his dog while drunk driving…multiple times.
Ako: Replace dog with dragon. It was trying to kill us.
Kazumi: I WASN’T DRUNK!
Nagi Springfield: You intended to run over Al’s dog, multiple times?
Ako: …dragon.
Kazumi: Yes because it was trying to kill us.
Nagi Springfield: I’ll go tell him then! Oh, whenever you get out, tell my son to stop chasing me! All my friends are laughing at me because of him. ):
*cue Rakan laughing*
Colonel Sanders: *appears* YOU RAN OVER MY DOG! MULTIPLE TIMES!
Ako: Dragon.
Colonel Sanders: Regardless, for confessing, I’m going to have to add an animal abuse charge.
Kazumi: If we DIDN’T, we’d be dead!
Colonel Sanders: That is not an excuse for attempted murder.
Kazumi: I thought it was animal abuse.
Colonel Sanders: Child molestation.
Yuuna: Stop it!
Colonel Sanders: Sexual assault. I have to give you the death penalty for that.
Sayo: I don’t think he’s a real judge. I don’t think this place is a real jail…
*cue more laughing from the real omake*
Ku Fei: I hear laughing, aruyo…
*cue halted laughing, cue nervous grunts*
Evangeline: *appears when the lightning strikes!* HAHAHAHA! I AM HERE TO PERFORM THE DEATH SENTENCE!
Ku Fei: Hmmm… *knocks on the wall* Hollow, aru?
Nagi Springfield: Oh look! It’s Kitty!
Colonel Sanders: I thought we agreed that was my nickname for her…
Evangeline: SHUT UP! WHERE ARE THE CRIMINALS I MUST KILL!?
Colonel Sanders: Over there. *points*
Evangeline: …those are my classmates.
Colonel Sanders: Your stalling confuses me, kitty…
Evangeline: I thought you said I could kill real criminals! I haven’t murdered anybody in ages thanks to that bastard! *points to Nagi*
Colonel Sanders: You don’t consider your classmates, real criminals?
Yuuna: I feel insulted! I punched him! *points to Nagi*
Evangeline: You should have punched him harder…wait a minute! NAGI!?
Nagi Springfield: L-O-L, she just noticed me.
Kazumi: Did you just use internet slang in real life?
Nagi Springfield: …uhhh…
BOOOM!!!!
Ku Fei: *knocked down the wall* GASP! I FOUND THE OMAKE-ARU!
Sayo: WHAT!?
Haruna: Oh shi—
Kazumi: Oi, Sayo-chan! CATCH! *throws a director’s chair*
Sayo: *sits* OMFG! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE!?
Misora: It was all Haruna! ADEAT! *runs off with pactio*
Chibisame: At least the stupidity has ended…
Ku Fei: *dons Ku Laozi beard* Today’s lesson, please don’t trick most of your cast into thinking they’re in prison. It’s not very nice, and when they find out, you usually get hurt, aruyo! THAT’S TODAY’S LESSON, KIDS! For now, the omake says, GOODBYE!
Ako: …until next time. *dons tree costume* I am a tree.
Nagi: L-O-L, the guest only got one line.
Anya: YOU!
Nagi: Oh shi— *runs away from lolis*
----
TBC
To summarize, Chisame is gone, Ako is kidnapped...for like the 298475295853845th time, everybody else doesn't care in overconfidenceness. Yay! As for the omake, that came out randomly. And there was A LOT OF MYSTERY, like, WHO STREAKED DOWN THE STREET!? If you guess right, you win something!!!
Ako/Yue
