Number ee-thray, Chisame.

[spotto]

Chapter Three

Queen Chigusa sat on her throne inside a cave somewhere in Japan, “Aha! There’s a new puppy fur coat out for sale according to Evil Empress Magazine! SAKURAKO! You must get me this coat! This is an order!”

“PUPPY-FUR COAT!? That’s…so…so cruel! The poor puppies! You evil evil bitch!’ She yelled, wailing and waving her arms around.

“Oh c’mon, what do you think you’re wearing!?” Queen Chigusa said, which only caused her minion to scream and wail even louder.

Sakurako cried, “WHAT!? I used to own two cats, but they ran away! IF THEY WERE MADE INTO A COAT, I’D…I’D…!”

“Yeah…your cats ‘ran’ away…let’s go with that,” She said. An image popped up inside Queen Chigusa’s crystal ball, and she saw two interesting animals residing inside a certain shrine, “The plumage…magnificent! Sakurako! I want you to…”

“OH BISCUIT! OH COOKIE! Where are you today, my poor lost cats!?” She turned around, falling on her knees and praying to some being in the sky. Tears fell out of her eyes, dropping onto the dark and gloomy ground. She dearly missed her cats, wherever they could be.

Queen Chigusa stared at her own coat, rolled her eyes, and spoke once again, “NODOKA! I summon you before me!”

The violet-haired minion appeared in front of the well-endowed queen and bowed, “U-u-um, of what service d-d-do you wish…me to u-undertake, m-my queen?”

She played with her scarf which was of a dead ermine, and grinned sinisterly at her minion, Nodoka, “I am eying two animals that live in the Shinto Shrine…”

“I t-t-thought you were a-a-after the s-silver c-c-crystal…?”

“Oh yeah that too, um, well go ahead and collect energy along the way then. Also, bring me those animals! I require another…’pet’, yes that’s it… Hahahahahahuwahuwahuwahmwahahahaha!” The queen laughed evilly, imagining her beautiful new coat.

“Uh, mwahmwahmwah to y-y-you too, Queen Chigusa-sama!”

“JUST GO!” She pointed angrily and Nodoka quickly complied, though mostly in great anguishing fear.

-

A young priestess was sitting in front of a blazing fire inside the local Shinto Shrine of Tokyo. Her two mice companions were running about in the hallways as she herself sat in seiza-style. She stared at the fire and then closed her eyes, concentrating ever so intently. Minutes passed, hours passed, even days if not for her need to rehydrate or to use the toilet or to eat. She continued there, still, static, for a lengthy amount of time, concentrating on evil presences that might draw near. She continued to focus her mind in a fury of aggressive meditation, looking upon her own soul and other’s, searching the world, the galaxy, the universe! Her mind wandered throughout the spiritual realm, just seeking the answer, the answer she needed, and to do so she had to continue concentrating no matter what!

“Ah fuck it.”

She stood up and walked up to the computer, “Hmmm…mysterious disappearances happening near my shrine. Sheesh, some stupid fire isn’t going to find that out.”

-

Inside the ‘Ku’ household sat Ku Fei, Yue, and that strange cat-eared doll in the blonde’s room. There was cake situated at the table while Yue read a book. Ku Fei was taking a nap and Chachazero sat there looking lost.

“So…who is this princess, you speak of?” Yue asked, still keeping her eyes on her book.

Chachazero stroked her wooden chin, “The princess was someone who lived a thousand years ago, during the Silver Millennium. She was in love with the prince of Earth, and then a great catastrophe occurred. Everybody died, so the queen sent them to the future, now, to be reincarnated. The sailor soldiers are responsible for protecting her, so ya know, it doesn’t happen again. You are the reincarnation of Sailor Mercury.”

“And what is the purpose of being reincarnated now?” Yue pressed further, but still continued reading her book whilst drinking some interesting juice.

“I don’t know everything damnit. I’m not a bloody encyclopaedia!” Chachazero replied, staring at the interesting juice Yue was drinking, “What the hell is that?”

Yue closed her book, standing up, “What does it matter to you? It’s not like you can taste it.”

The doll twitched slightly, “And here I thought my job was easy.”

Suddenly, Ku Fei shot up into the air, “AH! I REMEMBER SOMETHING, ARU!”

They both whipped their heads around, attention completely directed at the blonde, “You remember…the past!? So you remember who the princess is!?” Tension was exploding in the room as the suspense was steaming in their ears.

“No, aru. I remember meat bun still in microwave, aruyo! I go get now, aru!” She ran out the room.

“I can’t believe that girl is a sailor soldier,” Chachazero started to shake her head.

Yue sipped some more of her drink, “I can’t believe you’re a talking doll.”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT NOT BUTTER, ARUYO!” Ku Fei came back in the room in record speeds, holding a tub of low-fat margarine. She grinned and started to put some on her meat bun.

Chachazero hopped towards the television and turned it on, hoping that media would salvage her brain cells, “Ignoring the Chinese blonde, let’s see what’s in the news!”

“Today in local news, Sailor V has once again saved the day from a robbery that went on in Tokyo Royal Bank! But before that, mysterious disappearances have been occurring near the popular Shinto shrine! Kazumi Asakura is reporting on this story!” The news anchor said. The scene switched to a lavish shrine in the middle of cherry blossom fall.

A redheaded girl spoke to the screen, “It seems that no matter where you walk, one place you should avoid is the Shinto shrine! Usually a place of religion and peace, people of all kinds have been disappearing here in the past month! The local priestess of the shrine, Chisame Hasegawa, had this to say:”

“WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING TO ME ABOUT THE FUCKING DISAPPEARANCES!? SO SOME FREAK DECIDED THAT KIDNAPPING PEOPLE NEAR HERE WAS THE BEST PLACE TO DO SO, DON’T ASK ME WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!” A rather angry priestess screamed at the reporter and threw a chair at her, chasing her out the shrine.

“This has been Kazumi Asakura reporting, with a bruise on my head,” The redhead finished.

Chachazero shut the TV off, “Hmmm, those disappearances are quite suspicious.”

“Well, let the cops handle that. Unless some mysterious alien force is behind it,” Yue intended to be sarcastic, but the doll took her seriously.

“Of course! The Dark Kingdom must be behind this! WE MUST INVESTIGATE!” She pointed into the air as if she discovered the cure to cancer, “No wonder you’re Mercury!”

Yue raised an eyebrow, “…what’s the Dark Kingdom? No wait, don’t tell me. They’re some sort of mysterious alien force.”

“Amazing! I never even spoke a word of what the Dark Kingdom even is and you deciphered what they are so quickly! You truly are the brains of the soldiers!” Chachazero hopped onto Yue’s head, pointing at her forehead, “This is the most precious thing we own!”

Ku Fei took exception, “What!? What that suppose to mean, aru? I not smart, aruyo?”

“Hmmm, how can I say this in a non-demeaning way? NO.” Yue replied, and took a sip out of her juice which Chachazero swore the label read ‘Death Juice’ on it.

The blonde sat down on the bed and pouted, “Just for that I no share not-butter, aru.”

A few hours later, the doll managed to get her lazy sailor soldiers out of the house and into the streets to go investigate. They arrived at the Shinto Shrine soon after and decided that the first thing they were to do was to head into the shrine and interview the priestess. Her rash and random anger shown on the television appeared quite suspicious indeed. Ku Fei ran up the stairs with an excited grin smacked onto her face.

“OOH! I HEAR THEY HAVE CHARMS, ARU! IT TELL ME FORTUNE, ARUYO!” Ku Fei approached a very large tree with many fortunes tied to the branches. She pulled one off.

Yue said, “Uhm, I don’t think you’re supposed to pull charms off of the tree.”

“WHAT YOU MEAN, ARU!?” Ku Fei looked at the piece of paper she pulled off, “You soon have super bad luck because you pull this off, aru. Shame to be cast on you, aru…OH NO! I GET BAD LUCK, ARUYO!? Oh well, aru!” She threw the charm away, which coincidentally fell on the priestess, Chisame’s, head.

“Ow! What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” Chisame demanded.

Ku Fei took off several more charms, getting the same fortune on each one of them, “HEY! WHY EVERY CHARM LIKE THIS, ARUKA!? THIS PLACE IS LIE! I GO TELL NEWS NETWORK, ARUYO!” She continued ripping more off, snapping some twigs and branches off the tree itself too.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE TREE!?!?” The girl behind Ku Fei tackled her to the floor and pulled out a paper ward, chanting, “GO TO HELL!” She slapped the ward straight onto Ku Fei’s face.

“EEEE! I BE ATTACK BY BEES, ARUYO!!!”

Yue stood there, watching on, “You know, I think I’ll go investigate somewhere else before my brain cells are fried any more.”

“I’m with you!” The doll followed.

“U-u-u-u-h, where might y-y-you be going?” A mysterious fellow also wearing a priestess outfit asked. Her eyes were covered by her lengthy bangs and she could barely be heard, but she was there.

Yue crossed her arms, “Uh, I’m leaving the shrine? What does it look like to you?”

“W-w-won’t you buy a charm, f-f-fair maiden?” She gulped, holding out a charm, “You c-can tie it to the tree after…”

“No thanks, I don’t believe in superstitions,” Yue continued walking off, but was stopped once again, “For the last time I don’t want any—”

The small shy voice she heard was rather different…rather menacing, “Oh believe me, fair maiden, you will buy one whether you like it or not.”

Chachazero gasped, “IT’S A YOUMA!”

The youma wrapped its arms around Yue and turned into a gaping black hole, sucking Yue in, never to be seen again. Chachazero, still taking her time gasping, turned to see where that mysterious fellow disappeared off to but could not find her. She ran back towards Ku Fei, who was unfortunately her last hope.

“KU FEI! Ku Fei you idiot! Didn’t you see what happened to Yue!?” The doll ran towards the blonde who was still wrestling with the priestess.

“Oh no, Yue, aru! I MUST TRANSFORM, ARUYO! Moon Prism Power, MAKE UP!” She yelled, and light blasted into every direction as her mundane clothes was replaced by an elaborate sailor uniform and a rather short skirt. She stood up, posing, not realizing she had just flashed the priestess.

The girl growled, “W-w-what the hell was THAT!? YOU were the one behind the disappearances, WEREN’T YOU!?” She accused, and threw another paper ward, “BEGONE, SKIMPY WITCH!”

The papers seemed rather effective on Sailor Moon oddly enough, “OW, aru! Why paper hurt so much, aruka!? THAT MAKE NO SENSE, ARU!”

Meanwhile, Nodoka was eying the mice that were running around freely inside the shrine, but they escaped into the outdoors when they heard the voice of the priestess yell, “PHOBOS! DEIMOS! GIVE THIS WITCH THE PLAGUE!” The mice scurried outside towards the priestess, and Nodoka was about to follow when she was stopped by her comrade, Sakurako.

“You mustn’t, Honya-chan! That evil bitch wants to slaughter the mice for a coat!” She said, still extremely distressed by the memory of her ‘lost’ cats.

“B-but, we can’t g-g-g-o back empty h-h-handed, Sakurako-san!” Nodoka reasoned. Her companion thought for a moment, wondering what to do. She looked outside and saw Nodoka’s youma grabbing more females.

Sakurako grinned, “My my! Your newest pet is rather perverted, Honya-chan! I didn’t know you had it in you!” A sly smile came upon her.

“A-a-ah, it c-c-came like that! I just w-w-wanted to summon s-s-something that would go and g-g-gather energy a-a-and…awah awah! Did I do bad, Sakurako-san!?”

She shook her head, “We’ll bring her the energy at least! No way will I hurt little animals!”

“Y-y-yeah! We’ll just kidnap g-g-girls instead!”

“Exactly!”

Chisame watched her mice assault Sailor Moon, but she finally threw them off of her when the youma reappeared, laughing. It grabbed Chisame this time and Sailor Moon, feeling rather heroic for once, decided that the youma could not have the feisty priestess, and grabbed her as well. This caused both of them to be sucked into a hole, and there they landed, in a mysterious dimensional realm.

The youma finally formed into something human-like, with a demon face and horns on top of its head. It also had claws and its skin was blue, but it was very evil-looking nonetheless, “Raaaarghh! I have captured you beautiful fair-skinned girls! Now you shall give me your energy…and panties too as a souvenir! Mwahahahahaha!”

“Look, aru! There be Yue, aru!” Sailor Moon pointed and ran to the purple-haired girl, who was too busy being unconscious to green the Sailor Soldier. She started to shake and slap the unconscious small teenager. The youma turned its sights onto Chisame.

“Now, let me suck out your energy…and purity! Bwahahahaha!” Its arms turned into tentacles and wrapped around the poor priestess. The tentacles started to glow indicating that it was sucking out the priestess’ energy.

Chisame cried out in pain, and wonder too, “Graagh! Why do I have a feeling of déjà vu all of a sudden!?”

Her forehead answered her cries, for the symbol of Mars started glowing on her forehead. This intake of abrupt energy gave Chisame the strength to rip the tentacles straight off her, and the purple fluid that gushed out also decided to land on the white parts of her priestess robes, “SON OF A BITCH! THIS IS BLOODY EXPENSIVE!”

“For a priestess you swear lots, aru!” Sailor Moon pointed out.

“Shut the f—” A doll interrupted Chisame’s cursing, “You are Sailor Mars, Chisame! You must take this pen and say: ‘Mars Power! Make up!’”

Chisame took the pen and stared at the doll, “Is this a joke?”

“No! You must transform! Hurry!”

“You must think I’m stupid to think I’d follow the orders of a TALKING DOLL!” Chisame stood up and took out another paper ward, “I think my illogical priestess powers are enough to get rid of this pervert.”

Yue, who had awoken thanks to Sailor Moon’s rather effective slapping, said, “True, it is illogical, but I advise you to transform. In fact, let me show you. MERCURY POWER! MAKE UP!” A blinding blue light engulfed the dimensional rift, and her mundane clothes were replaced by a pretty-looking sailor uniform.

While Yue was doing that, Sailor Moon was busy distracting the youma like usual, “Hold right there, evil pervert monster, aru! You steal innocent girl away, and for what, aruka!? To taint their inno…inno…girl-ness, aruyo! For that I no forgive you because I sailor soldier of love and justice, SAILOR MOON, ARU! In name of moon, I punish you, aruyooo!!”

The youma just stared at her, “Your posing is very sexy.” It winked.

Sailor Moon turned to see Mercury still trying to convince Chisame, and had to continue her distracting, “LOOK, YOUMA, ARU! I CAN DO THIS, ARU!” She hugged her body with her legs.

“Uhm, that is disturbingly flexible, but I can see your panties so SCORE!” The youma made two thumbs up, and Sailor Moon blushed, smiling.

“THIS IS NO TIME FOR A STRIPPER ACT, SAILOR MOON!” Chachazero yelled, “Try to kill it now!”

Sailor Moon nodded, “Okay, aru!” She grabbed her tiara and turned around, starting to spin while about to throw her tiara, “MOON TIARA ACTIO—” A tentacle possessed by the youma who seemed to have leapt out of an explicit Japanese comic grabbed Sailor Moon’s hand before she could use her special attack, “HEY! THAT AGAINST THE LAW OF SHOUJO-FIGHTING, ARUYO! You not suppose to stop me in middle of attack, aru!”

“In the law of doujinshi, a tentacle can do anything,” The youma grinned and pulled Sailor Moon towards her.

“SHABON SPRAY!” Sailor Mercury attacked, but unlike before, her bubbles did nothing, “Man, my attack sucks!” She was disappointed but instead of moping tried to pull the tentacle off of Sailor Moon, but to no avail as another one grabbed her as well, “I should have expected that.”

Chachazero nudged Chisame, “Come on! They need help! You must transform! Who knows what unthinkable and unbearable perverted things that youma might do to them if you do nothing!”

“So wearing a skimpy sailor uniform will help me…how?” Chisame growled, crossing her arms and watching.

“It’ll help you get back home, or should I ruin your priestess outfit further?” Chachazero threatened, taking out a dagger. She narrowed her eyes, “You know how many dolls there are of me in my home planet? Tons, and there are different kinds too. There’s the happy doll, the sad doll, the sleepy doll…guess what I am? I’m the homicidal doll.”

Chisame simply scoffed, taking no effort to even acknowledge her threat. She continued watching, but the youma turned to stare at her with a rather creepy face, “Ehehehe…nice panties, girl.”

“WHAT!?” She stared at her legs, and saw that the doll had chopped off the entire bottom-half of the outfit, “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY UNIFORM!?” Her face was completely red from embarrassment and anger.

The doll could only grin, “You can hide your cute mousey-underwear if you TRANSFORM!”

“FINE! GOD! You could have just asked, bloody ungrateful killer doll!” Chisame took out her crimson pen and yelled, “MARS POWER! MAKE UP!” A ruby light exploded everywhere, and what little clothes Chisame was wearing originally was replaced by the unstained and un-ripped sailor uniform. The youma could only whistle.

Sailor Mars was not amused, “You, creepy perverted thing! You gave my temple a bad reputation, made a killer doll ruin my outfit, and now I’m wearing a short skirt! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR SUCH A RETARDED TURN-OF-EVENTS!” She placed her palms together and folded all her fingers in except her index fingers and closed her eyes, “FIIIIIRE SOOOOOUL!!!”

FWOOOOSH!

A huge wave of burning fire decimated the youma, and it was no more. Her fire also spread to the other two girls, but fortunately not in the degree of becoming decimated, just coming out of it pitch black. With the youma gone, a hole reopened and sucked everybody back to Earth at the Shinto Temple, but Sailor Moon was last, and before she could be sucked through a random vine grabbed her by the legs.

“EEEE, ARUYO! HALP, ARU!”

Sailor Mars said, “Let’s leave her there.”

“No objections here,” Mercury replied.

Unfortunately for those two soldiers a random rose came out of nowhere and smashed into the vine, causing Sailor Moon to fall onto the ground. Tuxedo Mask came jumping out of nowhere, and helped Sailor Moon up, “Are you alright?”

“Oh, it you, the brave lesbo in a suit, SUIT MASK, ARUYO!” Sailor Moon exclaimed.

“…it’s Tuxedo Mask,” She sighed and pulled her towards the hole which decided to blow out instead of suck anymore, causing great difficulty to get back through, “If we combine our strengths we can get through that hole!”

That they did. Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon held each other tightly and fought the force that was against them, and with their combined power leapt right through the hole before it closed permanently. The two landed onto the concrete ground roughly, but Tuxedo Mask was quick to get up and leave. Sailor Moon managed to get up soon afterwards, but her saviour had already disappeared into the distance.

Sailor Mercury ran to Sailor Moon, “Who was that!?”

“I no know, aru, but me think she is our comrade, aru!” Sailor Moon’s eyes became those of stars and hearts while she cupped her palms together.

Sailor Mars quickly started to run back inside, but was stopped by the energetic Sailor Moon.

“You our comrade now, aru! How you feel!?” Sailor Moon grinned as she de-transformed back into that of the destructive and slow Ku Fei.

“I feel like the unluckiest girl on the planet.” She could only glare back.