PV Review #1: Subterranean Rose
Oct. 10th, 2011 08:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spottoI felt like doing this, so...without further ado...
Subterranean Rose
I hate this video so much.
I hate it so much I'm going to do a review on it to detail every single little part of why I hate this so much.
First let's start with a few of its pros because honestly it's not so terrible that nothing is good about it. Otherwise it simply isn't worth reviewing. As you can tell when you watch through this, the animation is pretty damn good for something amateur. It's probably low-grade if this was done by professional animation studios for a licensed Anime of some sort, but for a video that was likely made so people can watch for free, it's done pretty well. The character design is alright. I especially like how Alice and Koishi look, what with Alice's amazing blue eyes and Koishi's pretty neat looking alternate outfit. Sadly I don't quite think Alice's outfit is as accurate as it can be, and I can't comment on Patchouli's outfit since I don't pay attention to it. If it looks like pajamas it's good enough for Patch, really.
I do however dislike how Marisa was drawn, completely.
The best part of this video is the music, which is an excellent vocal arrange of Last Remote, one of my favourite songs. It sounds somewhat evil-sounding though, but the satori themes seem to always have this knack of sounding evil, be it Satori Maiden ~ 3rd Eye or Hartmann's Youkai Girl, so rendering Last Remote as the same isn't too far-fetched. (Plus, the original sounds somewhat ominous already)
Otherwise...
I'm under the impression that this video is meant to (poorly) depict Subterranean Animism, or what would happen if Marisa ended up in the Metal Gear Solid universe and the game over screen came up. That would explain the use of characters over simply just being the most popular love triangle in Touhou, but either way it's terribly sad. It starts off with Koishi doing what a lot of fans tend to think of Flandre doing, living in a deep-dark place all alone and destroying whatever toys she may have, such as that teddy bear you see. The scene switches to a fight scene, and we have Marisa attacking Koishi with a KI BLAST!
It's a ki blast. It cannot be Master Spark, there lacks the Hakkero. Already I'm under the impression whoever animated this knows NOTHING of Touhou. Anyway after said ki blast, Koishi dodges it via hax-teleportation, which unless you're partnered with Yukari shouldn't really happen. I suppose she could turn on her subconscious powers and do that, but I'm quite certain that's not how it works. Apparently unlike SA where the playables communicated with their partners above aground ala Yin-Yang radio or whatever, Patch was merely reading a book while Marisa was being destroyed/killed/captured...before her Marisa-senses began to tingle. I have no idea how that even works. My best guess is Alice was her partner and she lost contact with Marisa, so the two teamed up as rescue as it is later shown.
Before that however, we see that Marisa is indeed captured, and Satori is standing there all willy-nilly like this was the usual Koishi. No lecturing, no questioning of why she was chained to a cross (such subtle imagery!), no nothing, as if the prospect of being her older sister has no meaning or authority. I thought she was the head of the house, if she has absolutely no point here then don't even bother showing her! Anyway, Alice apparently has a necklace of some sort that was given to her by Marisa...
Well, the kleptomaniac is GIVING something to someone! I'm quite sure the reason Alice likes Marisa, if she has any reason to at all, is not because Marisa is nice, because Marisa is definitely not nice. (Well, she's probably nicer than Reimu and maybe Sanae but that isn't saying much) I suppose it's implying that perhaps they already hooked up or there is a crush between the two already, but even then Marisa would not be giving things, unless of course she stole that necklace long ago and is returning it finally, for what reason I can't imagine but that's the only possible way I can think of for such situation to happen. (And Alice has completely forgotten it was stolen from her ;) )
Several people have commented that Patchouli running is the final concrete proof that this PV is not anywhere close to in-character or canon, but that's merely a joke. Even so, Patchouli RUNNING!? Has she ever ran in canon? Not that I can think of! On the other hand it's not like she's running very fast, etiher. Anyway the reason Patch likes Marisa is because they were reading next to each other. I think that's a suitable explanation, don't you think? We all fall in love with the person sitting closest to us in the library!
We then skip to their domination of everything underground which for some reason includes poor Parsee. She doesn't really have much to do with the Chireiden folk but they beat her up anyway. The several thousand people who were slaughtered by Orin were also insulted by this scene. Then we see them effortlessly defeat Utsuho of all people.
...what's this? My Bullshit meter is going off the charts! There is only one explanation for worfing one of the most destructive Touhou characters ever, and that is the power of LOVE. Clearly, the love these two share for Marisa is so great that, so gargantuan that it overpowers silly things like suns and nuclear fusion! I'm sure we can all solve Global Warming if we all loved each other enough, it can bring down even the most demonic of eldritch abdominations down!
Only friendship is magic.
So they finally find Koishi who has Marisa captured, and in their shock and anger they attack! ...with more ki-blasts. Okay I know they do have some pretty dangerous attacks like the gunpowder in Alice's dolls and Patchouli's screen-filling Royal Flare, but I'm pretty sure they're a lot more than just generic ki-blasts. WHERE IS MY DANMAKU!? This time Koishi doesn't even bother to dodge, which breaks about every taboo in Touhou in existence, and merely withstands it like the invincible little devil she is. The fun part here is that those ki-blasts are probably the equivalent of some sort of bomb so they MUST be in a survival card already! Now our heroines must endure what Koishi lashes out at them, constantly looking up at the clock, the numbers counting down ever so slowly in a struggle for their lo--WHAT THE F--
The video I posted censored it, so here's the uncensored version. (it should be pretty obvious that this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK.)
Koishi throws on an evil smirk, Marisa lets out an expression of what I hopefully assume is pain and CLOTHES EXPLOSION! She is now naked. I have no idea what the point of that was, but if she's implying what I think she's implying...then Koishi continues her STRONG GUST OF WIND ATTACK which is apparently incredibly deadly and we prepare for more charging up of lasers. I swear do people just not dodge in this video? How is this Touhou if there is no danmaku, surely the entire cathedral/mansion place should be destroyed by the bullets all over the place by now, but sadly all I see are ki-blasts and strong gusts of wind. Anyway Koishi just ups and lets Alice free Marisa without preventing her whatsoever...I'm sure Patchouli taking her fine time to charge up is an amazing distraction, no really--wait why did she kiss her.
Imagine you passed out at a party and someone just ups and kisses you when you're asleep! That's almost date rape! (Obviously not to the extreme extent, but still) What if that was your first kiss! What a terrible invasion of privacy that was. Anyway after forever and a half (I am surprised there are no shots of Koishi tapping her shoes in impatience) she finally charges up her most awesome attack which is kissing Marisa while being naked...
This. What.
I'm confused. And Koishi just stands there? Or is this some sort of incredibly fanservicey symbolism for Patchouli giving Marisa all her power? Which involves kissing and naked bodies and tears dropping on boobs...I cannot believe someone put all this effort into an animation as stupid as this.
...continuing on. Koishi finally reacts and--OH there was a barrier. Really now. They put up a barrier, who put up the barrier when did this barrier happen what. Goddamnit PV. So Koishi can withstand two ki-blasts but is powerless against a mere barrier. Heh, silly useless tank. What happened to her hax-teleportation powers?
Er, I mean. Oh no! Marisa is charging up! Koishi, you better react to her because apparently she's not within the barrier--and...my god you must have the worst AGI stats in the game. Also Alice does something...perhaps she is using those doll strings which look like cracked windows to restrain Koishi? That would make a lot more sense if they actually made that part CLEAR. Finally, Marisa charges up her ULTIMATE KI-BLAST which disintegrates Koishi to smithereens! Oh no! Poor Koishi is dead. D: This is because she didn't graze, and thus was the point of the video. If you do not graze you will not win at danmaku!
Having defeated Koishi, our heroines leave while Satori is...
Satori, did you really just stand there while they killed your sister.
Really.
You cannot be that powerless.
And it seems Koishi is not so dead after all. This usually implies a sequel. Good god there better not be a sequel. (Unless it comes with an awesome song. I might forgive that)
Or by extension the sequel is KOISHI'S HEART-THROBBING ADVENTURE. >_>
Anyway, final thoughts. So basically the entire video was completely and utterly-out of character. Yes I know fanon isn't too close to canon but this was not an interpretation but a butchering of their characters, especially Koishi. Even fans of the Alice/Marisa/Patch triangle would hate this, I would think. (except the vainest of them all!) Marisa acts nothing like Marisa, and the other two's personality is "We love Marisa" while Koishi is there simply to be "I love Marisa too but I want her all to myself, GO AWAY." It deeply, deeply saddens me when such talent in animation or artwork is poured into something as mediocre as this, as well as using an amazing song but not living up to it whatsoever. Now, I know this is by Innocent key, but we have to realize Innocent Key only made the song. Someone else made the PV, unless of course the PVs were made with their permission to promote the song as for further sales. In that case shame on Innocent Key, but I like to believe it's not so much that circle as people who find it enjoyable to use their songs for bad. (In particular the artist named Noya, but that's for another PV Review!)
That is all and Happy Thanksgiving.
Subterranean Rose
I hate this video so much.
I hate it so much I'm going to do a review on it to detail every single little part of why I hate this so much.
First let's start with a few of its pros because honestly it's not so terrible that nothing is good about it. Otherwise it simply isn't worth reviewing. As you can tell when you watch through this, the animation is pretty damn good for something amateur. It's probably low-grade if this was done by professional animation studios for a licensed Anime of some sort, but for a video that was likely made so people can watch for free, it's done pretty well. The character design is alright. I especially like how Alice and Koishi look, what with Alice's amazing blue eyes and Koishi's pretty neat looking alternate outfit. Sadly I don't quite think Alice's outfit is as accurate as it can be, and I can't comment on Patchouli's outfit since I don't pay attention to it. If it looks like pajamas it's good enough for Patch, really.
I do however dislike how Marisa was drawn, completely.
The best part of this video is the music, which is an excellent vocal arrange of Last Remote, one of my favourite songs. It sounds somewhat evil-sounding though, but the satori themes seem to always have this knack of sounding evil, be it Satori Maiden ~ 3rd Eye or Hartmann's Youkai Girl, so rendering Last Remote as the same isn't too far-fetched. (Plus, the original sounds somewhat ominous already)
Otherwise...
I'm under the impression that this video is meant to (poorly) depict Subterranean Animism, or what would happen if Marisa ended up in the Metal Gear Solid universe and the game over screen came up. That would explain the use of characters over simply just being the most popular love triangle in Touhou, but either way it's terribly sad. It starts off with Koishi doing what a lot of fans tend to think of Flandre doing, living in a deep-dark place all alone and destroying whatever toys she may have, such as that teddy bear you see. The scene switches to a fight scene, and we have Marisa attacking Koishi with a KI BLAST!
It's a ki blast. It cannot be Master Spark, there lacks the Hakkero. Already I'm under the impression whoever animated this knows NOTHING of Touhou. Anyway after said ki blast, Koishi dodges it via hax-teleportation, which unless you're partnered with Yukari shouldn't really happen. I suppose she could turn on her subconscious powers and do that, but I'm quite certain that's not how it works. Apparently unlike SA where the playables communicated with their partners above aground ala Yin-Yang radio or whatever, Patch was merely reading a book while Marisa was being destroyed/killed/captured...before her Marisa-senses began to tingle. I have no idea how that even works. My best guess is Alice was her partner and she lost contact with Marisa, so the two teamed up as rescue as it is later shown.
Before that however, we see that Marisa is indeed captured, and Satori is standing there all willy-nilly like this was the usual Koishi. No lecturing, no questioning of why she was chained to a cross (such subtle imagery!), no nothing, as if the prospect of being her older sister has no meaning or authority. I thought she was the head of the house, if she has absolutely no point here then don't even bother showing her! Anyway, Alice apparently has a necklace of some sort that was given to her by Marisa...
Well, the kleptomaniac is GIVING something to someone! I'm quite sure the reason Alice likes Marisa, if she has any reason to at all, is not because Marisa is nice, because Marisa is definitely not nice. (Well, she's probably nicer than Reimu and maybe Sanae but that isn't saying much) I suppose it's implying that perhaps they already hooked up or there is a crush between the two already, but even then Marisa would not be giving things, unless of course she stole that necklace long ago and is returning it finally, for what reason I can't imagine but that's the only possible way I can think of for such situation to happen. (And Alice has completely forgotten it was stolen from her ;) )
Several people have commented that Patchouli running is the final concrete proof that this PV is not anywhere close to in-character or canon, but that's merely a joke. Even so, Patchouli RUNNING!? Has she ever ran in canon? Not that I can think of! On the other hand it's not like she's running very fast, etiher. Anyway the reason Patch likes Marisa is because they were reading next to each other. I think that's a suitable explanation, don't you think? We all fall in love with the person sitting closest to us in the library!
We then skip to their domination of everything underground which for some reason includes poor Parsee. She doesn't really have much to do with the Chireiden folk but they beat her up anyway. The several thousand people who were slaughtered by Orin were also insulted by this scene. Then we see them effortlessly defeat Utsuho of all people.
...what's this? My Bullshit meter is going off the charts! There is only one explanation for worfing one of the most destructive Touhou characters ever, and that is the power of LOVE. Clearly, the love these two share for Marisa is so great that, so gargantuan that it overpowers silly things like suns and nuclear fusion! I'm sure we can all solve Global Warming if we all loved each other enough, it can bring down even the most demonic of eldritch abdominations down!
So they finally find Koishi who has Marisa captured, and in their shock and anger they attack! ...with more ki-blasts. Okay I know they do have some pretty dangerous attacks like the gunpowder in Alice's dolls and Patchouli's screen-filling Royal Flare, but I'm pretty sure they're a lot more than just generic ki-blasts. WHERE IS MY DANMAKU!? This time Koishi doesn't even bother to dodge, which breaks about every taboo in Touhou in existence, and merely withstands it like the invincible little devil she is. The fun part here is that those ki-blasts are probably the equivalent of some sort of bomb so they MUST be in a survival card already! Now our heroines must endure what Koishi lashes out at them, constantly looking up at the clock, the numbers counting down ever so slowly in a struggle for their lo--WHAT THE F--
The video I posted censored it, so here's the uncensored version. (it should be pretty obvious that this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK.)
Koishi throws on an evil smirk, Marisa lets out an expression of what I hopefully assume is pain and CLOTHES EXPLOSION! She is now naked. I have no idea what the point of that was, but if she's implying what I think she's implying...then Koishi continues her STRONG GUST OF WIND ATTACK which is apparently incredibly deadly and we prepare for more charging up of lasers. I swear do people just not dodge in this video? How is this Touhou if there is no danmaku, surely the entire cathedral/mansion place should be destroyed by the bullets all over the place by now, but sadly all I see are ki-blasts and strong gusts of wind. Anyway Koishi just ups and lets Alice free Marisa without preventing her whatsoever...I'm sure Patchouli taking her fine time to charge up is an amazing distraction, no really--wait why did she kiss her.
Imagine you passed out at a party and someone just ups and kisses you when you're asleep! That's almost date rape! (Obviously not to the extreme extent, but still) What if that was your first kiss! What a terrible invasion of privacy that was. Anyway after forever and a half (I am surprised there are no shots of Koishi tapping her shoes in impatience) she finally charges up her most awesome attack which is kissing Marisa while being naked...
This. What.
I'm confused. And Koishi just stands there? Or is this some sort of incredibly fanservicey symbolism for Patchouli giving Marisa all her power? Which involves kissing and naked bodies and tears dropping on boobs...I cannot believe someone put all this effort into an animation as stupid as this.
...continuing on. Koishi finally reacts and--OH there was a barrier. Really now. They put up a barrier, who put up the barrier when did this barrier happen what. Goddamnit PV. So Koishi can withstand two ki-blasts but is powerless against a mere barrier. Heh, silly useless tank. What happened to her hax-teleportation powers?
Er, I mean. Oh no! Marisa is charging up! Koishi, you better react to her because apparently she's not within the barrier--and...my god you must have the worst AGI stats in the game. Also Alice does something...perhaps she is using those doll strings which look like cracked windows to restrain Koishi? That would make a lot more sense if they actually made that part CLEAR. Finally, Marisa charges up her ULTIMATE KI-BLAST which disintegrates Koishi to smithereens! Oh no! Poor Koishi is dead. D: This is because she didn't graze, and thus was the point of the video. If you do not graze you will not win at danmaku!
Having defeated Koishi, our heroines leave while Satori is...
Satori, did you really just stand there while they killed your sister.
Really.
You cannot be that powerless.
And it seems Koishi is not so dead after all. This usually implies a sequel. Good god there better not be a sequel. (Unless it comes with an awesome song. I might forgive that)
Or by extension the sequel is KOISHI'S HEART-THROBBING ADVENTURE. >_>
Anyway, final thoughts. So basically the entire video was completely and utterly-out of character. Yes I know fanon isn't too close to canon but this was not an interpretation but a butchering of their characters, especially Koishi. Even fans of the Alice/Marisa/Patch triangle would hate this, I would think. (except the vainest of them all!) Marisa acts nothing like Marisa, and the other two's personality is "We love Marisa" while Koishi is there simply to be "I love Marisa too but I want her all to myself, GO AWAY." It deeply, deeply saddens me when such talent in animation or artwork is poured into something as mediocre as this, as well as using an amazing song but not living up to it whatsoever. Now, I know this is by Innocent key, but we have to realize Innocent Key only made the song. Someone else made the PV, unless of course the PVs were made with their permission to promote the song as for further sales. In that case shame on Innocent Key, but I like to believe it's not so much that circle as people who find it enjoyable to use their songs for bad. (In particular the artist named Noya, but that's for another PV Review!)
That is all and Happy Thanksgiving.
