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spottoMy goal in life:
To become a respected person, who has achieved many things to help the world, or at least, a few people into a better life and know that I have achieved what I have achieved. To defend those who own a few, and tolerate all the people around life. To have become an interesting person to at least be noticed by friends and family, who all understand me and support me all the way.
And I have not even come close to achieving it.
Why? Maybe I have done something, but I don't realize it. I don't remember it, and I don't remember doing anything significant to create it. It was not I who made such a goal of someone else's come true, it may have been pure luck or seemed like I have actually done something.
Perhaps I'm in denial, but I have given up.
Not on life, but on the internet.
I used to go on the computer, not only for entertainment purposes, but I have lost that feeling that I'm needed on here, as if all I can do now is just stay offline forever, and no one would notice. My school friends are great friendly people who are extremely interesting, and as much as they abandon you or leave you behind, they always realize you are there. They always come with a greeting and leave with a farewell, tell if they are gone for a while, or simply be a bit worried and ask where have you been if you have been absent.
Yet, MSN is not school, no. Actually, all of the internet is different, the journey to gain a good reputation is extremely hard. in fact, the internet is probably more stereotypical and insulting than the actual world, while you may not be killed by a suicide bomber, you are sent a virus and many verbal insults, in fact, somethings a physical prank such as startling you suddenly could actually KILL you.
What have I done? I got a scanner, to do what? To draw. For what? Myself. No one asks you to draw something for them, you draw for yourself, and thrived in emotion with the happy but probably fibs of the cruel compliments.
What else? I started writing. For whom? For the people of fanfiction.net, or at least, you think. Nope, for yourself, it's a hobby, it takes time so you aren't sitting on a chair forever doing nothing. You are the author and you decide what happens, not the people, they just compliment if they are a lot like you and seem to enjoy your faults, but nobody's the same, so everybody has something they hate about you or your story.
Anything else? I made a forum for the BIFF-no, not for the BIFF, for myself. Who posts there the most? Me. Unfortunately.
Continue on? And what do I write in LJ, if I wanted this to be PRIVATE and for myself, it would be, but no, it's not, and it continues to be for myself because I am the only one who reads it now.
So why do we swim? For ourselves, if we fell int he water, we wouldn't drown, perhaps save other people, but you get money for it, because it's called a lifeguard and they call it a job.
Nobody does anything completely for someone else, they always gain something from it. Even volunteering gives you something. It gives you the fake reputation you never deserve. I saw many people who skip thousands of classes on the Honour Roll. Did they deserve it? Hell no. Do I deserve it? Hell no. Why? Because I've done nothing.
At least, nothing that completely helps somebody else. Even Jesus did things that helped MANY people, but gave something for himself. He got to be worshipped and because one powerful being is what! I don't care how nice you are, how much you give, how much you think war is wrong, EVERYTHING YOU DO ALWAYS HLPS YOURSELF.
Goody-two-shoes are wannabes. Emos are wannabes. WANNABES ARE WANNABES. We're ALL wannabes. We ALL want to be like someone else. We ALL recognize our faults, and always ignore. The whole world is actually, truly selfish.
Let's put in an example. Look at Rei, oh, what a wonderful guy, right? Doing the right things (mostly) gaining a lot of fangirls, and is a main character of a show that actually got some popularity? Well guess what, this little neko-jin got all this attention, all this love and glompness because he got it. He is like this, for himself. Max is the cute one, and he is optimistic, oh sure he doesn't need your love because all he wants is for people to be happy.
Guess what, I SAID WANT.
Now, this next point may seem biased, but I do prove a point. Li isn't perfect, doesn't act like your normal innocent 9 year old, AND WANTS SOMETHING. Unlike all the perfect characters that are all happy and sappy and gappy and crappy on that show, he can be bad, can be selfish, and can be nice? Is that perfect? HELL NO. The only time he's aired on the show is somewhere behind his brother, but does he mind? OF COURSE HE DOES? Does he show it? NO. He's liek that guy backstage who pulls curtains, and if I ever see a play about something like Romeo or Juliet, I won't like them! I'D LIKE THE CURTAIN PULLER.
So yeah! This entire post is for me. Yep. Because I read this, not you, since you are too busy going to get things for what you want. Go ahead and be nice. I don't care.
To become a respected person, who has achieved many things to help the world, or at least, a few people into a better life and know that I have achieved what I have achieved. To defend those who own a few, and tolerate all the people around life. To have become an interesting person to at least be noticed by friends and family, who all understand me and support me all the way.
And I have not even come close to achieving it.
Why? Maybe I have done something, but I don't realize it. I don't remember it, and I don't remember doing anything significant to create it. It was not I who made such a goal of someone else's come true, it may have been pure luck or seemed like I have actually done something.
Perhaps I'm in denial, but I have given up.
Not on life, but on the internet.
I used to go on the computer, not only for entertainment purposes, but I have lost that feeling that I'm needed on here, as if all I can do now is just stay offline forever, and no one would notice. My school friends are great friendly people who are extremely interesting, and as much as they abandon you or leave you behind, they always realize you are there. They always come with a greeting and leave with a farewell, tell if they are gone for a while, or simply be a bit worried and ask where have you been if you have been absent.
Yet, MSN is not school, no. Actually, all of the internet is different, the journey to gain a good reputation is extremely hard. in fact, the internet is probably more stereotypical and insulting than the actual world, while you may not be killed by a suicide bomber, you are sent a virus and many verbal insults, in fact, somethings a physical prank such as startling you suddenly could actually KILL you.
What have I done? I got a scanner, to do what? To draw. For what? Myself. No one asks you to draw something for them, you draw for yourself, and thrived in emotion with the happy but probably fibs of the cruel compliments.
What else? I started writing. For whom? For the people of fanfiction.net, or at least, you think. Nope, for yourself, it's a hobby, it takes time so you aren't sitting on a chair forever doing nothing. You are the author and you decide what happens, not the people, they just compliment if they are a lot like you and seem to enjoy your faults, but nobody's the same, so everybody has something they hate about you or your story.
Anything else? I made a forum for the BIFF-no, not for the BIFF, for myself. Who posts there the most? Me. Unfortunately.
Continue on? And what do I write in LJ, if I wanted this to be PRIVATE and for myself, it would be, but no, it's not, and it continues to be for myself because I am the only one who reads it now.
So why do we swim? For ourselves, if we fell int he water, we wouldn't drown, perhaps save other people, but you get money for it, because it's called a lifeguard and they call it a job.
Nobody does anything completely for someone else, they always gain something from it. Even volunteering gives you something. It gives you the fake reputation you never deserve. I saw many people who skip thousands of classes on the Honour Roll. Did they deserve it? Hell no. Do I deserve it? Hell no. Why? Because I've done nothing.
At least, nothing that completely helps somebody else. Even Jesus did things that helped MANY people, but gave something for himself. He got to be worshipped and because one powerful being is what! I don't care how nice you are, how much you give, how much you think war is wrong, EVERYTHING YOU DO ALWAYS HLPS YOURSELF.
Goody-two-shoes are wannabes. Emos are wannabes. WANNABES ARE WANNABES. We're ALL wannabes. We ALL want to be like someone else. We ALL recognize our faults, and always ignore. The whole world is actually, truly selfish.
Let's put in an example. Look at Rei, oh, what a wonderful guy, right? Doing the right things (mostly) gaining a lot of fangirls, and is a main character of a show that actually got some popularity? Well guess what, this little neko-jin got all this attention, all this love and glompness because he got it. He is like this, for himself. Max is the cute one, and he is optimistic, oh sure he doesn't need your love because all he wants is for people to be happy.
Guess what, I SAID WANT.
Now, this next point may seem biased, but I do prove a point. Li isn't perfect, doesn't act like your normal innocent 9 year old, AND WANTS SOMETHING. Unlike all the perfect characters that are all happy and sappy and gappy and crappy on that show, he can be bad, can be selfish, and can be nice? Is that perfect? HELL NO. The only time he's aired on the show is somewhere behind his brother, but does he mind? OF COURSE HE DOES? Does he show it? NO. He's liek that guy backstage who pulls curtains, and if I ever see a play about something like Romeo or Juliet, I won't like them! I'D LIKE THE CURTAIN PULLER.
So yeah! This entire post is for me. Yep. Because I read this, not you, since you are too busy going to get things for what you want. Go ahead and be nice. I don't care.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-07 11:11 am (UTC)And yes, everyone is selfish. Because everyone is driven by self-preservation as the first basic instinct and it seems to reflect in most aspects of life.
I know what you mean about feeling that you're not needed here. I think you are needed though. Just because. It wouldn't be the same without you.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-07 11:45 pm (UTC)I agree with Ghosteh. ;3
Aaaaaaaand....
*hughug*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-12 10:33 am (UTC)However, there are moments when people do things out of love which are entirely selfless, but even then one could argue that they are being selfish. As we grow up, we realise how small a part we play in the universe--and how even the smallest actions can go forever. The problem with us spouting worldwise generalisations is that we are children. Children are selfish. Children are mean. Children is what we have always known. It's not until we start acting for others that we turn out of ourselves. This self-obsession is the price we pay for being young. Without being centred in ourselves and always looking inwards, we can't find the faults which must be corrected before we reach complete maturity and become less flexible. Unfortunately, reaching maturity is hard when we're encouraged to be increasingly 'different', to be increasingly 'rebellious', to provide economic growth.
And nobody wants to be forgotten. Even wanting to be remembered is selfish, but nobody thinks about that. Nothing's truly gone as long as nobody remembers it, but memory is tricky. It tells lies and changes perceptions, can even twist reality and our own minds. With a thought, we can change the past as we see it.
(I lurk. Everywhere. Even here.)
Bah. Listen to me, going on like some wannabe Socrates. Well, except that Socrates refused to write anything down, and lived in a barrel. And he was a creative ethicist, not a parrot.