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EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT SHIP RAINBOW DASH WITH MANY PONIES IF AT ALL (and those I hint at are mostly jokes/I wouldn't mind them)




But her episodes have been up and down, sideways, inside-out, backwards, eviscerated, taxidermy'd, and dissected beyond all you can imagine, and I guess this single feeling where I need to express my opinion in an absolute wall-of-text outburst is causing this rant. SO HERE WE GO THEN, when I could be writing my story or fixing my story or talking about something else completely, but I guess ranting about RWBY is bad for my health at this rate, or ranting about a certain MLP episode, we might as well dedicate this post to RAINBOW DASH. Congratu-fucking-lations Rainbow Dash, you stupid pony you. You stupid inconsistent, poorly-treated, brain-exploding, unfathomable pony you. IT IS TIME. YOUR EGO, WHATEVER STATE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE NOWADAYS, SHALL BE TESTED.

Once upon a time there was a pegasus with a rainbow mane and a penchant for going fast with the childhood dream of joining the Wonderbolts. the flying horse version of the Blue Angels. In an alternate universe she was fashionable and Rarity, but here in the decent utopia that is Equestria, she is fast, she is loyal, she is athletic, she is RAINBOW DASH. She's the creator of this generation of My Little Pony's favourite! And it's actually easy to see if you take a look at season one, when Lauren Faust had full reigns of the show. After all, beyond Fall Weather Friends that eventually put equal blame to the cheating game on both Rainbow and Applejack, Rainbow Dash had a season to remember. No real moment of humiliation or embarrassment. Why, if you called Rainbow Dash awesome, it would be true. In Sonic Rainboom, she manages to save Rarity and the Wonderbolts from plummeting to her doom, simultaneously proving to the crowd that the Sonic Rainboom is not a fable at all, and the myth in fact originated from the same mare who managed the same feat as a filly! She also won the competition and was given a day to spend with the Wonderbolts.

Like dang, just call the episode THE GREATEST DAY OF RAINBOW DASH'S LIFE, why don't ya?

Then of course, in Cutie Mark Chronicles, Rainbow Dash is apparently THE PONY THAT STARTED IT ALL. Why, these Elements of Harmony would never have existed, would never have become friends, would never have come together to save the world multiple times, had it not been for the SHEER AWESOMENESS, of Rainbow Dash. Equestria as we know it would no longer exist, would be a horrible dystopia ruled by tyrants and villains alike had that Sonic Rainboom not come about. There was even a whole finale showcasing grimdark scenarios should this pony not be awesome enough to save it from its otherwise inevitable doom. Like dang, if anybody in any world, fiction or not, had any excuse to have a ginormous ego, Rainbow Dash's had the most. She is the reason the world functions at all! THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE.

And that's it. That's season one. Sure she had this Gala where she tried her utmost to get the Wonderbolt's attention and sort of ruined the Gala as a result, but she shared this shame with all her friends, which in the end was the intention of the ruler of the world, Celestia! So all is well and justified. How awesome you are, Rainbow Dash.

My next point here is rather irrelevant, but considering how much of an ego RD must have by now, I always wonder why especially in the Equestria Girls universe that everyone just pumps up RD's awesomeness. For instance in Rainbow Rocks (OF COURSE THIS MOVIE IS CALLED THIS) Sunset is trying to explain why everyone is ponying up with the mysterious Equestrian magic, and Dash explains that it happens because she is awesome. Sunset does not believe so, but still goes to the effort of reminding her that Rainbow Dash is indeed awesome regardless, like if you did not mention this it would imply that RD is not awesome and that would tear her world apart or something. SEVERAL MINUTES LATER IN THIS SAME MOVIE, Rainbow Dash sings the song "Awesome As I Wanna Be" with all spotlights and attention on her, and everyone is annoyed at this behaviour. WELL OF COURSE SHE'D ACT LIKE THIS IF YOU ENABLE HER TO. YOU ENABLE HER TO HAVE THIS EGO, AND THEN YOU TURN AROUND AND TRAMPLE ON HER FACE, ARGUING LIKE LITTLE HISSY FITS BECAUSE SHE IS SHOWCASING THE EGO YOU CAUSED!? AND THE FUNNY THING IS, WHEN SHE SINGS THIS SONG SHE STARTS PONYING UP ANYWAY. MAYBE BEING AWESOME IS WHAT CAUSES RAINBOW DASH TO BECOME AN ANTHRO! THE MOVIE SURE IMPLIES IT!

And then in season two, we had the PET episode. Why yes, this pet episode where Rainbow Dash MUST HAVE THE COOLEST, MOST AWESOME PET. And to do so, she must hold a RADICAL COMPETITION. Now a few ponies, namely Twilight, makes feeble attempts at reminding Rainbow Dash that pets are meant to have feelings and having one isn't all about a competition or sht, but Dash ignores her anyway for the show must go on. Fluttershy doesn't appear to have any issues with these animals racing through a gorge into many many hazardous traps and creatures, but whatever. Otherwise, everyone pretty much supports and ENABLES Dash's need to a cool pet. Of course thanks to Tank's very resilient existence, Rainbow Dash learns that the coolest pet isn't so much the fastest or snazziest, but in fact the one who exemplifies the greatest loyalty, matching Rainbow Dash's highest virtue. BUT WAIT, just because he is a tortoise means nothing, for we can add magic steampunk technology to allow Tank to fly anyway, so he ends up STILL BEING A PRETTY FREAKIN' COOL PET anyway, who is also loyal.

Well dang Rainbow Dash, everything's just sunshine and smiles for you, isn't it.

Do you see what is happening now? You have made Rainbow Dash too awesome. It has reached a critical point. From here on out, the job of the show is now to TEAR THIS FRONT APART. She is not awesome, she is insecure. She is not awesome, she is haughty, cocky, and arrogant! In fact aside from the whole "EVERYONE'S A JERK" problem I have with Mysterious Mare-Do-Well, the biggest reason it may be so very controversial is that it's the first time the series now has to tear down Rainbow Dash... because she is too dangerously awesome.

So now, we must rev up Rainbow Dash's cockiness a bit. She hasn't shown it much to this degree, but it isn't unbelievable for Dash to act like this. I mean, up to now her entire life has been pretty much awesome. Well, aside from maybe the whole dropping out of flight school thing and becoming a weather pony because of laziness or something. Say, whatever happened to that flaw of hers? It's like they forgot and just wanted to focus on destroying her behemoth ego that the ponies and writers around her CAUSED THEMSELVES. I find it interesting the show begins doing this the moment Lauren Faust has less and less say into the show. I mean, I'm sure she too wanted RD to have some episodes that gave her some humble pie and allowed her to come down to earth a little, but maybe not quite in this way,

In the end it's mostly about what your very subjective opinion on Mysterious Mare-Do-Well is, still, the story is pretty blunt. Her friends are fed up with her showboating, so they showboat back to teach her a lesson, and it's a pretty rough teardown. It's like instead of approaching her in some sort of intervention they just scheme and do it the underhanded way behind her back because Rainbow Dash isn't the type of pony to listen to ponies talking to her. I mean, she really isn't, but it would have been nice if the episode included a scene of them trying at least. I guess it has been established, like say in the aforementioned pet episode, that Twilight in particular tried to approach Rainbow Dash in a reasonable manner before and that did nothing.

So yes, take matters into their own hooves they did. And now Rainbow Dash has been knocked down a peg. We move on.

Ah, a reading episode. It's a TV Show, so they must remind their young viewers that books exist too! Even though Twilight is the main character, lives in a library and loves books to death, this aesop that is all over the place in many kids shows alike must be given its time of day in MLP too! Because having fun isn't hard when you have a library card! Does anyone even go to the library? What does Twilight even do? Is she even a librarian? Questions that will never have answers now that the library is sadly no more...

Anyway, it's mostly directed to kids with the attitude of being TOO COOL TO READ, and Rainbow Dash is the prime example. Now, I personally believe reading is fun and excellent and a lovely activity, and yes it's a very stereotypically nerdy activity, but in this day and age I don't know what sort of inhuman alien would look at a book and declare it's uncool without at the very least, knowing what the book is about. There's plenty of super amazing movies out there based on books that it feels the entire populace has read, so it's almost like why have this lesson at all? 

I digress.

Of course it's fine to teach Rainbow that reading is cool. In fact, having the main character basically be an RD recolour is genius, since for some people books are an outlet to the imaginary land where they can be the cool awesome hero themselves they never could be in real life because they work a dead end job and have no real aspirations or their dreams died years ago. Unfortunately Rainbow Dash is not that type of pony. She is very awesome you see, so it's actually sort of strange that she looks up to this other pony going about finding treasure and fighting this bad guy when she herself can cause sonic rainbooms by breaking sound barriers and take down villains by being herself. Ah well, it's still a good parallel to how people may take reading in real life, so it works! 

Y'know, except the part where she believes reading is so uncool, her dear closest friends must never know. And in order to not embarrass herself, or God Forbid allow Twilight to be RIGHT must break into a hospital and STEAL the book. It's like, well, what happened to awesome perfect Rainbow Dash? You already wrecked her in Mare Do Well and she already made a fool of herself in the whole town, but now Rainbow Dash resorts to, as Twilight said herself, "petty thievery". Are we done yet? Is it time to go back to those episodes that gave RD reasons to be a cocky little shit? Actually, let's  visit a not-Rainbow Dash episode, Hurricane Fluttershy.

Ah, Hurricane Fluttershy, how much I love thee. Let me list the reasons why. Or not because sadly this isn't a Hurricane Fluttershy love-post. I will note one good thing from it though, that it has a wonderful Rainbow Dash in it. I'm not sure where she learned these lessons, perhaps the tortoise as her pet was a good example, or the heavyhanded way her friends taught her to be humble in Mare-Do-Well actually worked, especially when the very episode after when she saved Rarity and Spike from certain doom she regarded it as just another job well done as opposed to making everything about herself. Or maybe over-time getting to know Fluttershy better she has understood her as a pony more. After all, it was Pinkie Pie who reminded her not to prank Fluttershy because of her sensitivity way back when, and her impatience and general rudeness to the other pegasus in Dragonshy did not make matters any better. In fact, her gung-ho method of dealing with a giant fire-breathing dragon almost had them all killed had it not been for Fluttershy.

So with all that developing out of the way we end up with Hurricane Fluttershy Rainbow Dash. Someone who almost regresses to her impatient, insensitive ways, but catches herself and does everything in her power to involve Fluttershy with the very pegasus duty to send water off to Cloudsdale. We don't want any of 'em droughts ruining cider-season after all. She is considerate and she cares. Even if all Fluttershy contributes is a measly 2.3 wingpower or whatever, she still wants her help, she still NEEDS her help. And when Fluttershy still runs off crying, she doesn't continue to goad her or bother her, after all she has a job. With every pegasus coming down with the flu she cannot even break the wingpower record, BUT NO MATTER, for the most important thing is to bring water to Cloudsdale! And she did EVERYTHING IN HER POWER, TO NEVER GIVE UP, TO NEVER SURRENDER, NEVER FORGET--oh right, to make sure at the very least they had water! It was essential! It was a necessity! She would very well know this, being a weather-pony!

And when Fluttershy does come back and does help, and they do accomplish what they do. What does Rainbow Dash do? She informs Spitfire, her Wonderbolt hero, that Fluttershy was the one who accomplished it. THAT IS AMAZING. WHAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. THE THINGS SHE'S LEARNED HAS ACCUMULATED TO THIS! doesn't stop! It appears Rainbow Dash is not only awesome as a fast, athletic flier, but also a decent caring individual as well! It's quite the showing, I'd say. We come to season three, generally disliked amongst the fandom, but it continues the wonderful showing of Rainbow Dash. She adopts Scootaloo as an honourary sister! She is like a pupil to her, an idolized figure to the little tike. And why not? Rainbow Dash sure seems like quite the upstanding mare after all! She even somehow knew despite her earplugs and obnoxious whinny-of-a-snore to save Scootaloo from certain death quite a ways-away from the cave they were camping in! What can this pegasus NOT DO!? MY GOD!

And then...Wonderbolts Academy happened.

I love this episode. This may very well be my all-time favourite Rainbow Dash episode. It's basically the episode where Rainbow Dash shows off her character development next to a pony who she could have been had she not gone through these two and a half seasons of development. It's brilliant! That she would give up her dream if it meant being a Wonderbolt was not what she thought she'd be, someone who understood the values and integrity of friendship, of loyalty, beyond just brainless speed and reckless behaviour. Having to save all of her friends in doing so, when she was half-the-reason they could have died. It's just. THIS IS THE EPITOME OF RAINBOW DASH AND ALL SHE HAS GONE THROUGH. SHE IS AWESOME AGAIN EVERYONE! LET US PLAN A PARADE!

Well, it's time for season four. Let's return to the topic of Scootaloo. Poor, poor Scootaloo. She may never fly because well, she may have been born never being able to, but that doesn't mean she should let nasty awful evil little bullies to get to her, to depress her, to ruin her self-esteem, her dreams, her self-image. Have I mentioned Scoots is my favourite CMC? Sleepless in Ponyville is like my second favourite episode in the entire series after all, and now we've come to the rather serious Flight to the Finish. It's like Hurricane Fluttershy! Rainbow Dash, the perfect, wonderful lovely pony, a great and ideal pegasus to look up to! And here she is, reminding Scootaloo that she should not be bothered by those comments. She can still be the best, be whoever she wants, whether she flies or not because it doesn't matter. It was Rainbow Dash who convinced Scootaloo of this, despite flying the entire time, despite being someone with such incredible ability that Scootaloo cannot with her maybe disability, but still, it works, and it's great, and it's... I know it sounds like I'm gushing, but I must, I TRULY MUST CONVEY TO YOU HOW INCREDIBLE IT IS that Rainbow Dash DOESN'T CARE whether Scoots can fly or not. IT SPEAKS OF HER CHARACTER SO MUCH.

Now we come to the worst episode of the entire series.

You're probably genuinely surprised that I do not regard Filli Vanilli as the worst episode in the entire series. I don't! Amazing, I know. Yes, it has a craptacular Pinkie Pie, but the rest of the episode should not be dragged down just for that one rage-inducing aspect. The songs are good. I like Flutterguy. Hearing Big Mac sing is great, seeing Rarity get to use her voice is awesome too, and look! A Zecora! How rare. Of course Filli Vanilli is still one of my least favourites, so... moving on.

And you're also probably genuinely surprised that Cutie Re-Mark pt. II also doesn't have this distinction because dang, my unhappiness of how they solved that problem and quickly and poorly redeemed that character is also at near rage-inducing levels of the craptacular Pinkie Pie. IT JUST DOESN'T COMPUTE, OKAY? But still, it is not the worst episode.

No, Rainbow Falls is.

Let's talk about the Wonderbolts. In the very first episode, Dash makes it very clear of her dream to be in the Wonderbolts. In season one the Wonderbolts retain their distinction of being awesome and cool celebrities, but there were hints of what was to come. In Sonic Rainboom Rarity somehow managed to knock all three Wonderbolts unconscious as they tried to save her. All THREE. If it had just been one, sure, two? Well maybe Rarity has a hind-kick that rivals Applejack, three? Well at that point Rarity might be grasping the idiot ball too obviously, to make sure that Rainbow Dash and ONLY Rainbow Dash ends up saving her so she can solve all her problems in one fell swoop, or Sonic Rainboom I should say. Anyway an unfortunate side-effect is that the Wonderbolts are rendered useless in this instance. We know the strong importance of show versus telling, so we have to make sure if the Wonderbolts are as awesome as Rainbow Dash always gushes of, we must see it for ourselves to seal the deal in our heads.

Season two rolls along and... they fail to do anything to Spike-Zilla. I guess they give him a haircut, but he stops them pretty easily. That's two-for-two already, sort of not a great track record so far. Will the Wonderbolts do ANYTHING to show us they deserve such a reputation? Then we come to arguably Hurricane Fluttershy's one flaw, Spitfire doing nothing. For a long time I wondered why people argued about this because I thought maybe this was a Ponyville duty and Spitfire intervening would not do. She might just organize a whole crowd of other pegasi somewhere else, like Fillydelphia or something if they can't do it, but then that would not explain Rainbow Dash's desperation. She's not even trying to break a record anymore. It's pretty heavily implied that there would be no water in Cloudsdale and thus NO RAIN, if the Ponyville pegasi cannot make the cyclone, so if it's that urgent and important, why not have Spitfire jump in? The only reason I have is thus, if she did we'd otherwise not be able to give Fluttershy her limelight so she may accomplish what she does and satisfy her otherwise pitiful self-esteem (and childhood traumas and such). But again, it leaves us a bad taste for Spitfire and therefore the Wonderbolts. Was she neglectful of her duty?

Wonderbolts Academy comes along and some people are baffled at Spitfire's "personality-change". It may be confusing yes, especially since it appears she has a new voice-actress although according to the wiki Spitfire's voice has been the same since the Gala, so who knows. The point is, she is now a drill-sergeant, and this aspect of her character sort of sticks throughout the rest of her appearances. I guess her previous cameos didn't have enough of a personality or something. I'm fine with it because if the Wonderbolts is supposed to be pseudo-military, and this is meant to be a boot camp, it wouldn't make sense for her to show favouritism towards Dash no matter what she's done. She's still gotta be treated and go through everything else that every other recruit has to suffer through. That's just how it is. But apparently these Wonderbolts instructors were not thorough enough to realize Lightning Dust's shortcomings. Did Spitfire purposefully put Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust together with Dash as the wingpony to teach Rainbow Dash something? But we already argued against giving her favouritism, so why do the complete opposite and make Rainbow Dash the wingpony? What has Lightning Dust shown that gives her any advantage over Rainbow Dash?

Apparently, showing off and going beyond what the instructor says in the demonstrations is okay. This is not a quality you want to have, to award Lightning Dust for it seems odd. Or maybe that is a test too, to see if Lightning Dust has the ability to be a leader since you already saw Rainbow Dash be one, and see if Rainbow Dash is able to be a follower. That may be it! I do feel like I am grasping for straws because I DO love this episode, and this is a fairly benign problem, by my standards anyway. Still if we DON'T think so hard about it and take it at face value, when Spitfire tells Rainbow Dash they chose Lightning Dust as the leader because she likes to go beyond, it tells us they did not have the foresight to see Lightning Dust's shortcomings, somehow missed all those exercises where they screwed the only ponies over, and basically make them seem a little more incompetent than they should be. But y'know, if this wasn't the case that tornado never would have happened, and would never have almost killed RD's friends, and would never have caused RD to almost quit, showing the real upstanding type of attitude a Wonderbolt SHOULD have.

So, who knows.

Then we come back to Rainbow Falls. Oh sure, I can ramble on-and-on about how awful the rest of the episode is. Pinkie's entire screentime is just shrieking. Rarity made ugly dresses for some reason, and cannot tell with her own eyes. Applejack is being obnoxious and forcing apple treats into people's mouths, seems a bit off these three ponies are. Or maybe the perpetually anxious Fluttershy and STEROIDS PEGASUS being involved in the PONY OLYMPICS IN A RELAY RACE because apparently Rainbow Dash is so awesome she can overcome their shortcomings and keep the team competitive, and conveniently the rest of the able pegasi of Ponyville prefer all the other events over the relay. But despite the fact that I POINTED ALL THAT OUT, this isn't about that.

We just had an episode where Rainbow Dash exemplified the traits needed to be a Wonderbolt, not just being fast, but being a general decent all-around good pony. SO HOW THE FUCK DID SPITFIRE AND FLEETFOOT PASS THEIR BOOTCAMP? They throw Soarin' under the bus and try to pry Rainbow Dash away from Ponyville, abandon her friends so their already unstoppable team can be even more unstoppable, despite there being other Wonderbolts they can choose from. Or maybe THEY TOO are in other events, we don't know. They didn't say! And Rainbow Dash instead of realizing her heroes, her idols, her Wonderbolts are being absolute pricks, the complete opposite of the show's message, FRIENDSHIP, when she almost gave up being a Wonderbolt BECAUSE it felt like they did value the integrity needed to be a Wonderbolt, tries to make a shitty poor excuse where she BREAKS EVERYTHING, so she can't disappoint anyone because she really, really wants to be on the team with the Wonderbolts. She's just conflicted by her loyalty to the hopeless and nonsensical Ponyville team that just drafted in a clumsy lazy-eyed pegasus known for endearingly messing up everything to be her replacement. 

I just don't even.

I guess Rainbow Dash was too awesome so they had to press the reset button again or something, but the Wonderbolts, her dream-team really hasn't at any single time been portrayed positively, that would allow Rainbow Dash's dream of being one of them believable because so far they've either been incompetent or jerks! It doesn't even stop here! Sometimes I wonder if that made up Shadowbolt team would have made more sense than this at this rate, Jesus!

...I forgot about Daring Don't didn't I.

Ugh. I don't wanna do Daring Don't.

Rainbow Dash and reading because we need to teach kids too cool to read to read? Fine. Rainbow Dash's fictional hero being non-fictional all of a sudden? Well that sure tones down Rainbow Dash's accomplishments. Apparently she's got a lookalike with duller colours going around stealing treasures and fighting off a strange and weird Egyptian creature like Ahuizolti, where doom and devastation can occur if Daring Do is not there, and Rainbow Dash can intrude in her life enough to end up in the book herself, validating all the self-insert fantasies in every fanfiction ever OH GOD IT'S MY WORST NIGHTMARE LET'S JUST MOVE ON. The awesome pony that can break sound barriers and save the world multiple times is an obnoxious nerdy fangirl that wants to go adventures with her hero ignoring the life she has that frankly from what we've seen has been SO MUCH MORE HEROIC AND INTERESTING, but I guess when you're in that situation you don't really know what you have, and more often marvel at others instead. So whatever this episode is okay. 

Then we have maybe my most favourite moral yet in Testing, Testing One, Two, Three. We could have easily just had Rainbow Dash be dumb. I mean the dumb jock trope is everywhere. She's awesome enough she doesn't need to be a studying prodigy on top of being quite possibly the greatest flier in the history of Equestria. But unlike the reading one which was obvious, predictable, and meh, we learn that Rainbow Dash's method of learning is rather unorthodox, it may even explain how she dropped out of flight school. She just can't focus in a traditional school setting, and though it's awfully nice of the entire town to help teach Rainbow Dash the history of the Wonderbolts, it's nice that it focuses on something like this so kids who are struggling can realize that maybe they aren't dumb after all, they just learn differently.

I mean obviously there are dumb kids, but this episode is not for them. P:

We are in muddy waters here. Rainbow Dash has been brought back to earth again! But like any pegasi, she must fly and reach for the top. Testing, Testing One, Two, Three does establish she is not dumb, and can ace tests so maybe Rainbow Dash IS awesome again. I'm very confused where in this cycle we are. I guess the latter is true because we're certainly not due for another "RAINBOW DASH IS AWESOME BEYOND ALL MEASURE" episode. We have instead, Tanks for the Memories. This may not be the fault of Rainbow Dash herself, but just the very fact that this is a show meant for young children...and despite other shows not shying away from the topic of death, apparently that is too much for the technicolour horsie show. Y'know despite that one time when Twilight murdered several Pinkies, or that time Luna created a being to punish herself. Or maybe the episode before yesterday's Rainbow Dash episode, where Trixie almost commited suicide. But oh no, let's not have an episode about a pet dying even though kids have either already have or will go through a death some time or another, like maybe of a hamster or a grandparent passing away or what have you. 

But that doesn't mean we CAN HAVE THE MORAL ANYWAY. Guys. This isn't Pinkie Pie. You can't have the cake and eat it too! By having Tank NOT die, now Rainbow Dash looks like a colossally immature fool. We're supposed to believe this same mare was responsible for transferring the water to Cloudsdale so Ponyville can HAVE RAIN and would throw away her competitive spirit just to make sure such an essential duty was complete, but will sabotage the Weather Factory and BREAK EVERYTHING, costing millions of bits in damage and ruining what forecasts they have planned in the future just so her tortoise won't sleep for three months!? REALLY GUYS? You lucky I love that crying scene so much. And no, a solo song does nothing to make this flaw go away.

Well, I suppose the CYCLE MUST GO ON. In this case, our next relevant Rainbow Dash episode (I am ignoring Gilda. She is not relevant. In fact Daring Don't isn't relevant either, why do I have that here?) is Rarity Investigates. And yes, this again is a return to Rainbow Dash being awesome, even if she's rather impatient of Rarity's antics, thinking she is doing nothing to improve the situation. This episode is also another example of the Wonderbolts being worth jack for their so-called reputation. A letter with no return address shows up and convinces Spitfire her mom is sick, so instead of confirming this for herself she will immediately head to the Crystal Mountains or whatever to find the cure first. The rest of the Wonderbolts immediately accuse Rainbow Dash, and assign RD herself to solve the problem if she wants to stay in the reserves, solely because she has a motive. No real concrete evidence, just a motive. And yeah, she has no alibi but I'm willing to bet EVERYBODY ELSE was doing the same thing, sleeping because it was the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. What are these stupid show-pegasi doing? You can't stay unless you prove your own innocence of something you did not do? Rainbow Dash is a professional flier, not a goddamn private investigator. She's lucky Rarity was there when she was, egads!

But the awesomeness comes in the form of Rainbow refusing to take part with the Wonderbolts' show without Spitfire, and going out there and being awesome enough to retrieve her in time for it anyway, thus earning enough good karma for them to kick out Wind Rider and having Rainbow Dash replace him! In this case she did have her cake and eat it too! Isn't that amazing? This is the Hurricane Fluttershy, Wonderbolts Academy, Flight to the Finish Rainbow Dash I remember! Yay! And yet another negative blow for the Wonderbolts. For instance, one of the greatest Wonderbolts, Wind Rider who is now near retirement or already retired being sleazy enough to pull this stunt, and keeping up with this same shitty attitude. Does this mean he's done this before and gotten away with it? Well geez no wonder the Wonderbolts are full of assholes, this guy slipped through the cracks so many damn times! At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if the Wonderbolts were just a bunch of Lance Armstrongs. 

And I guess the pattern must go on they say because now we arrive to yesterday's episode, Newbie Dash.

I know every other character goes through this sort of thing too, though not in quite such a methodical manner. Sometimes a character teaches the lesson and sometimes they learn the lesson themselves, but the extremes Rainbow Dash goes through is unmatched. She is either amazing wonderful great role-model Rainbow Dash, or immature destructive selfish egotistical idiot Rainbow Dash. You may say every character has their flaws, but why is it like an episode-to-episode basis? Why is one day we get idiot Dash and next day we get cool Dash? Is a normal realistic person not meant to be a well-balanced mix? It's like she turns off her brain on some days or something, I do not understand!

Well yesterday she turned off her brain! I have attempted to rant about it three times, failed, and instead just decided to go through an entire Rainbow Dash analysis instead! What a turn of events I say! I know what the writers were TRYING to do. The moral is when you go up the ranks of whatever you love, whatever you're talented in you're no longer the one who stands out for what you do. In Ponyville Rainbow Dash is the best flier, no dice about it. In the Wonderbolts which she has just been accepted to, she is now surrounded by peers with the same kind of talent level. Rainbow Dash can no longer bask in her glory as being the best, as now EVERYONE is the best, so she goes to extreme measures to find some other way of calling attention to herself and having all the glory, which doesn't make sense because you are practically in a showboating military! 

Yet still, the way she goes about it is quite possibly both nonsensical nor is it especially funny. It's funny a few times, but not in a way that I think is believable for Dash's character. She doesn't want to be known as Rainbow Crash for the rest of eternity in the Wonderbolts, so she tries to act different to change her reputation. And her method of doing so is... acting like her friends. She must think highly of her friends...and subsequently not think highly of them because as amusing as her impressions are (the one she did to mock Twilight in season five is perfect) she also seems to choose the most exaggerated aspects of their characters to imitate, so I'm not entirely sure what she is even trying to do. It's like she turned off her brain. She also KEEPS GOING. Oh, the first three times didn't work? TRY TWO MORE TIMES. Oh, every impression didn't work? Go against every single protocol and rule, like not looking both ways despite being specifically reminded beforehand (and even blaming her mistakes on others!) and even alter the show they were performing just because she can't stand to NOT STAND OUT around her idols, dream ponies, and what have you. It's JUST A BIT TO OUTRAGEOUS FOR ME TO SWALLOW. Why are you being an idiot again! You just demonstrated your amazingness last season by fetching Spitfire instead of taking her place! Such leadership! Again, I can see the moral needing to be delivered to the viewers, but the execution, the manner in which they did so just wasn't good!

Oh and the Wonderbolts suck again, or DO THEY?

The ending is the only thing that saves this episode, thankfully. The humiliation conga-line aside, the fact that everyone has embarrassing nicknames showcases that well, this was just a kid-friendly way of hazing the new kid. (It's Tanks for the Memories all over again isn't it? Can't show the full extent of the hazing, so just do it half-way and it looks more like schoolyard bullying instead. These gluttonous writers and directors and their freakin' cake, I swear) I mean it doesn't help that the very juvenile Rainbow Crash nickname is used instead of something more clever and new. It's like if you were called a doodoohead as a kindergartner, and now your co-workers and boss call you a doodoohead. Yeeeeeah. And to be fair, Rainbow Dash does own up to it. She'll take any punishment she deserves. I guess momentous lapses in judgment are just part of Rainbow Dash's character now. Maybe if I accepted that this entire rant wouldn't need to exist.

No fuck it. I don't care if I'm sick and all this non-stop typing is wrecking my shoulder. THE RANT EXISTS. NO REGRETS!! I'll be up in less than seven hours everybody! May the stress not be with you.


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